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Mark Trail, 2/2/13

Usually Mark Trail flashback fashion takes us to the depths of the Eisenhower administration, which is why I am 100% amazed and flabbergasted (in a good way) by “Catfish” here. Now, none of us like to stereotype, but admit it: you probably imagined Catfish would be would be an angry, beefy guy with a mullet or perhaps a chubby fellow with a big white beard; either way, he’d be wearing overalls, obviously. BUT NO! No, Catfish is a bald sprite of a man who went back in time to 1987 and stole a sweet Ocean Pacific t-shirt out of my bedroom. He is such an odd bird in the sartorial world of Mark Trail that I am pretty much willing to forgive whatever crimes against competitive fishing ethics are going on in that van.

Herb and Jamaal, 2/2/13

Meanwhile, today’s unannounced “Classic Herb and Jamaal” is a repeat from barely two years ago! Although maybe even that appearance was itself a repeat from back when someone might have actually said “online talk rooms” and believed himself a vaguely with-it human being.

Archie, 2/2/13

I’m going to pass over the ostensible action of this strip — is Mr. Lodge’s “antique doo-dad” the table itself? How does one break a table? Wouldn’t even gluing a broken table-chunk back onto the table leave a visible seam? Does Jughead not know the world “table”? — and just point out that Archie really can pull off those skinny plaid yellow pants, though pairing them with the baggy sea-foam sweater is a bit suspect.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/2/13

Oh hi there, would you like a little secret illegitimate daughter in your grueling stroke recovery storyline?

Family Circus, 2/2/13

I genuinely love how unimpressed Jeffy is by Dolly’s dramatic theological musings. “I don’t know much about celestial courtesy, girl, all I know is that I just ran out of clean tissues and your shirt looks awfully inviting.”

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Mark Trail, 1/24/13

Here we can see the wild Rod Bassy in his usual habitat. Panel two offers a good look at one of his natural defenses: when threatened by a predator or a nosey reporter, he can puff out his plumage so that he appears twice as large as his actual size! Watch how the aggressor backs off as a result of this aggressive display.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/24/13

“So now that my husband’s died of a massive stroke, I’m at last free! Free to live the life I’ve always wanted! Free to … wait, he’s recovering? Fuck.”

Apartment 3-G, 1/24/13

Ari seems suspiciously blasé about the disaster unfolding over in 3-G, suspiciously reluctant to get the authorities involved. I’m not implying that he had anything to do with it, of course, but I do think he’s anxious because he decided in the middle of the night to go clean shaven and Greg’s caught him after he’s taken off his mustache but before he got to his beard. “I can’t let anyone think I’m deliberately cultivating this dumb little chinbeard! Especially not the fire department!”

Marvin, 1/24/13

Showing, not telling: Not satisfied with just informing us that Marvin constantly stews in a miasma of his own filth-stink, Marvin is trying to show us, via the artfully rendered reaction of others, just how awful it is being within smelling distance of him.

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Apartment 3-G, 1/21/13

Sorry everybody, I know I’ve been falling down on the job a bit when it comes to reading Apartment 3-G so you don’t have to. So, after Margo got really blotto, Greg gently dumped her into bed. But wait! Remember Evan, all dressed up in his Druid robe? He left his giant package in Margo’s closet (note: not a euphemism)! And it was apparently a pink-smoke emitting incendiary bomb? Is … is Evan secretly a villain from the Adam West Batman TV show?

Funky Winkerbean, 1/21/13

In other keeping-you-updated news, despite my initial interpretation of last Tuesday’s strip, there’s nothing wrong with Darrin’s mother, except that she’s emotionally devastated after Darrin’s father suffered a stroke. How is it that you can know your whole life that someday you’ll be gutted by something terrible that will inevitably happen to you or someone you dearly love, and yet you still aren’t prepared for it? That’s just how you manage to live your life in an universe of cruel and unending trauma, I guess!

Hagar the Horrible, 1/21/13

Oh, that Hagar, what a jokester! Obviously he doesn’t “buy” houses; he just starts living in them, after his bloodthirsty band of Viking warriors murder the owners.

Heathcliff, 1/21/13

I’m pretty sure that if I churned out a series of paintings of sexy cats sitting on piles of filth, I could get a gallery show in one of Brooklyn’s hipper neighborhoods.

Slylock Fox, 1/21/13

The solution to this puzzle, if you don’t feel like turning your head/monitor upside down, is that we know Wanda is lying because thunder doesn’t cause lightning. You know what else doesn’t cause lightning? Witches.