Archive: Funky Winkerbean

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Mary Worth, 12/9/10

Can there be any more delightful phrase in the English language than Jill saying “I’m not finished yet!” Let us hope that her drunken outburst goes on for days — nay, weeks! She appears to be attempting to pick up that table in panel two, so one assumes that she’s about to start bludgeoning people with it.

My favorite new character in today’s strip is David Niven, who looks up in sudden surprise in panel one despite the fact that this tirade must have been going on for a full minute or two at this point. Perhaps he was so enraptured by the little lemon slice on his water glass that he’s just now noticing the commotion.

Curtis, 12/9/10

She-bully Veranda becomes today’s unlikely hero, as everything she says to Curtis is in fact 100 percent accurate.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/9/10

“My therapist tells me that isn’t so much ‘Lisa’ as ‘my own deeply internalized sense of self-loathing,’ but what does he know? In my heart, I’m sure that Lisa is always with me, telling me that I’m a failure!”

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Funky Winkerbean, 11/11/10

So for no reason other than to drive the narrative, Rachel here has been pitching woo very hard at sad, damaged PTSD case Wally, and earlier this week Wally’s ex-wife slipped her a note on how Rachel could better “help” him. Naturally it was a list of his favorite pornographic films, and now Rachel is going to debase herself further by going and renting (or, God forbid, buying) these from the smut store when there is plenty of perfectly good free pornography on the Internet. This attempt to establish carnal relations will founder like all the others, though, as Wally is, perhaps understandably, less keen on watching dirty movies and screwing and more immediately interested in getting food into his house while avoiding the possibility of having a psychotic break and shooting up the supermarket. Presumably Rachel will find the whole scenario to be a libido-killing level of depressing, and the two of them will just spend the evening at opposite ends of the couch, silently watching Hot Army Lesbos 8 or whatever. Happy Veteran’s Day, everybody!

The Lockhorns, 11/11/10

Somehow, The Lockhorns manages to mine sexual incompatibility for laughs somewhat less depressingly. Who are these party guests in the background? Did Loretta really want her friends to see whatever stab at “sexy garment” a tasteless schlub like Leroy would come up with? I like the way the woman on the left has her gaze cast downward, avoiding eye contact with everyone as she tries to make herself invisible in the midst of all the awkwardness, while the woman on the right is staring directly at Leroy, quietly judging his inadequacies.

Mark Trail, 11/11/10

You know who’s not inadequate at all, though? Mark Trail! Can Mark scramble down a cliff to pull a guy out of a car that has burst hilariously into flames? You bet! Does it matter that Mark already punched this guy out earlier? Nope! Mark giveth (punches) and taketh (you) away (from burning cars)! Mark does it all!

Mary Worth, 11/11/10

If you need proof of how super-lame Adrian is, consider how the scene in panel one, in which her fiance smarmily and obnoxiously invades the personal space of her hateful, critical supposed friend, results in her look of near-religious ecstasy in panel two. “Yay, my man and my best girl friend are finally resolving this conflict that has torn me up inside!” she seems to be saying, when she should think “Jeez, I gotta meet some new people.”

Sadly, from Jill’s whisper-balloon in panel two, it appears that this is not going to be a battle of implacable archetypes who need no motivation other than their own inborn nature, but rather a dispute over, like, love or something. Presumably Jill’s hostility towards Scott and Adrian’s relationship is based in her secret love for the former, and her knowledge that her sharp, strong personality would be a better and more interesting fit for him than bland, boring Adrian. (Normally, it would also be possible that she would be in love with Adrian, but that would be interesting, so it won’t happen.)

Family Circus, 11/11/10

The funniest thing about this to me is the fact that Big Daddy Keane is wearing a completely different set of clothes than his wife and son. “I’ve decided to make dinner tonight!” he announces cheerily. “Does anyone know when ‘tonight’ is? Is it ‘tonight’ right now? I’ve done a lot of meth and I’ve been awake for days!” Billy and Mommy, meanwhile, have been doped up and lolling around the house in the same filthy pajamas, in and out of consciousness, for the better part of the week.

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Hi and Lois, 10/18/10

The Flagstons may be the comics’ blandest suburban family, which is why they work so well as a vessel for commentaries on bland suburban life. That’s also why it’s so exciting to see the strip go knee-deep into madness, as a bug-eyed, crazy-grinning Lois stares rapturously at the silent television. The sheer size of this flat-screen monstrosity adds to the weirdness. Is Lois desperately attempting to reach out to a different form of spirituality, but still held back by her materialistic worldview? “I’d never be able to meditate so effectively if we hadn’t sprung for the 52-inch hi-def model, honey!”

Dick Tracy, 10/18/10

You probably thought that Dick Tracy could never top last week’s crazed hobo fight with money flying everywhere. But today’s strip, in which deceased radio personality Wolfman Jack informs a local beat cop that a Code 469, or “ruckus,” is in progress nearby, is pretty awesome too. The police officer is far enough away to not have heard the ruckus first-hand and there are still visible thousand dollar bills floating through the air, which really takes the concept of “making it rain” to a new level.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/18/10

Snuffy has always been depicted in the strip as a particularly diminutive feller, no doubt a result of the incredibly poor nutrition he received growing up dirt poor in Hootin’ Holler, so I’m not sure if his cellmate is supposed to be some freakish giant or merely of normal human proportions. Nevertheless, it’s good to see the two are getting on so jovially together and haven’t attempted to shiv one another with their time-hash-markin’ crayons.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/18/10

Oh, hey, did you think that nothing could make Funky Winkerbean’s inexplicable Les-centered love triangle any grosser? How about turning it into a love square? Damn it, we’re just going to keep adding women who want to comfort poor sad wounded emotionally stunted creepy creepster Les until you start believing it.