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Hi and Lois, 3/22/17

Shoutout to Hi and Lois for jettisoning a “joke” or “punchline” here and instead choosing to depict one of its main characters going through an unspecified but apparently severe health crisis. Hi, sweating copiously but unable to keep warm no matter how many layers he puts on, mumbles “I can’t find any medicine in the medicine cabinet!”, his blurring vision leaving him incapable of reading the labels on any of the various medications available to him. Tomorrow: Hallucinations and/or death!

Gasoline Alley, 3/22/17

One of the things I like (“like”) about Gasoline Alley is that they introduce these new characters and just act like they’re beloved and that we should care about their weird, inscrutable motivations and emotions. So, Ruth, the besotted (?) office manager of beardy PA Chipper Wallet, has pretty much been a one-note character, that single note being how cheerfully dumb she is, and this has been offered up for our uncomplicated amusement, but now we’re supposed to feel bad because she knows she’s dumb and incapable of running the office by herself, no matter how brief Chipper’s absence. Anyway, if this burst of tears and associate hug ends up with the two of them sexing, I will be very, very disgusted.

Six Chix, 3/22/17

WHY IS THE CHIPMUNK WEARING GLASSES

WHY

WHYYYYYYY

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/19/17

Hey, remember Buck? No, not the sexy, homeless archaeology grad student who was camping out on the Morgans’ property so he could investigate some ancient war crime; no, I mean Rex’s old pal whose wife tried to murder him with a nail gun and then later it turned out said wife was Rex’s ex-girlfriend from high school and it seems I didn’t cover the end of this storyline so I’m not sure how it all worked out? I think Buck broke up with his wife, though! But based on his set role as the strip’s sad sack, I’m going to assume that he’s gotten himself deep into some depressing ponzi scheme and he’s trying to pull Rex in as well. Haha, look at Rex’s eye’s glazing over and soon as Buck starts his pitch!

Spider-Man, 1/19/17

Welp, Rocket’s only been on our planet for a few hours, but he’s already well acclimated to the Spidey Way Of Heroism, i.e., doing a half-assed job for a little bit and then dozing off. It’s also worth noting that Rocket was originally wearing an adorable little outfit and now he’s … stark naked? I guess a naked raccoon shouldn’t be disturbing but when you’re established as wearing clothes even if you’re a species that doesn’t normally wear clothes, once you take off your clothes you’re naked, that’s the rule. The fact that Peter and MJ are fully dressed isn’t helping.

Gasoline Alley, 1/19/17

Meanwhile, Gertie continues to test the waters to figure out when Walt will finally be senile enough that he’ll voluntarily drink Drāno.

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Marvin, 12/15/16

Finally, Marvin has come up with a running joke that I like even less than the running jokes about Marvin or other characters pissing or shitting: The running joke where Marvin’s dad is all like “haha, wives, amiright fellas?” I think the key to understanding today’s strip, in which Marvin’s dad quips dead-eyed about the power relationships in his marital and professional lives and his resentments appertaining thereto, is the phone his equally stone-faced co-worker is handing him. Notice that it’s a classic phone handset, not a cell phone, and yet there’s no cord attaching it to anything. My guess is that it’s a prop phone, and that these two aren’t in an office at all, but rather on stage at the premiere show for their terrible two-man sketch group, Extremely Hack Misogyny.

Gasoline Alley, 12/15/16

I wasn’t sure exactly where we’d be going with the tale of Chipper the aging physician’s assistant. This is a strip that spent literally eight weeks talking about fucking scrapbooking, so I have to admit that I’m pleasantly surprised that the direction chosen is apparently “Chipper begins his descent into madness.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/15/16

“What I’m trying to say is, if Sarah dies, do you want Linda to be your daughter? I mean, they look a lot alike, and this way you’d get to skip puberty.”