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Gil Thorp, 9/1/11

“I’m Wildcat Maris — no relation to an actual wildcat, though we are both mammals. Nevertheless, despite what my quick reflexes and lustrous coat would lead you to believe, I’m actually a human being, just like you! Only better.”

Gasoline Alley, 9/1/11

“Plus, if you believe in a literal interpretation of Genesis, all human beings are descended from Noah, since only he and his immediate family survived the Deluge! Hey, what’s the matter? Are my irritating conversational stylings making you wish that God would destroy all life with a world-cleansing flood?”

Family Circus, 9/1/11

“Gah, Billy accidentally came into contact with science! Quick, lock him in the isolation chamber until we can figure out how to disable the picture-radio!”

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Family Circus, 8/21/11

OBVIOUSLY there’s no child’s suffering that delights me so much as a Keane Kid’s suffering, and so I’m overjoyed to see Billy’s comically overwrought expression of crushing despair as his mother drapes that suit jacket over his shoulders. It’s as if he’s won the Masters, only instead of a green jacket he’s getting a blue jacket, and instead of winning the Masters he’s going to be executed wearing a blue jacket.

Dennis the Menace, 8/21/11

Kudos to Dennis and/or the current hired hands churning out “Hank Ketchum’s Dennis the Menace” for avoiding the obvious wordplay response to “Margaret’s goin’ places” (“Goin’ too many places, if you ask me!”) and instead heading into much creepier territory. Dennis suddenly steps into the shoes of his greatest enemy; now that he realizes that Mr. Wilson is a human being with feelings like himself, his life will never be the same. This sudden act of empathy comes with a physical manifestation: Dennis is emitting a Mr. Wilson-style single bead of sweat in the final panel, indicating a simmering, child-hating rage, though the fact that it appears to be flowing down the outside of his hair is a little confusing.

Mary Worth, 8/21/11

“I knew I had to see Bobby before I left! In my mind, I could already imagine him after our family vanished into the witness protection program, his arms raised as he begged the mob thugs hot on our trail for his life.”

Gasoline Alley, 8/21/11

Slim’s suffering still counts for this post because he’s an idiot man-child, which is a type of child, right? Anyway, I’m not sure this comic has a punchline beyond “Slim is a simpleton,” but then, it probably doesn’t really need one.

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Baldo, 8/10/11

It took me a moment to figure out that Baldo is supposed to be embarrassed by his family’s ludicrous outfits. I at first assumed that his father subscribed to some religion that operated in a way that was exactly the opposite of most religions and actively opposed shame on general principles. “Baldo, why do you cover your thighs with your sinfully long shorts? Why do you not show the world your package, like I do in my Speedo? It’s what God wants!”

Judge Parker, 8/10/11

You probably don’t remember, what with the exciting last four months of Judge Emeritus Parker getting everything he wants with no effort on his part, but our gal Sophie has a bit of a romantic conundrum, what with there being a boy that she wants but can’t have because he likes some other girl better. Abbey urged Sophie to study the problem in her analytical, borderline Aspergers way, and now she appears to have come up with a solution. Doesn’t she look like a happy young girl in love with a plan to win over the object of her affection? Sure, if taking out the young man and his girlfriend and all of her other classmates in a hail of bullets counts as “winning.”

Mary Worth, 8/10/11

I’m delighted by how much grown-up Gina’s head in panel one looks exactly the same as little-girl Gina’s head in panel two. I certainly hope that whatever family drama we’re about to see unfold involves her parent’s secret horror and disgust at their daughter’s adult skull, perched unnaturally atop her child’s body.

That dinner scene sure is an accurate depiction of life in a cramped New York apartment, what with everyone sitting around four inches from various items of bedroom furniture.

Ziggy, 8/10/11

I was about to make some comment about how Ziggy’s parrot is a paranoid schizophrenic, ranting about how “they” were secretly tracking his every move, but then I realized that it’s really much more likely that Ziggy’s the crazy one, and this is a Son of Sam like situation. “No, he’s the one who told me that they were CIA agents! He’s the one who told me they had to die! Say something!” “SQUAAAAK” “See! See!”

Gasoline Alley, 8/10/11

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date with the pulse-pounding action in Gasoline Alley! I’ve been nervous that it might just be more excitement than you can handle.