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Gil Thorp, 10/1/26

[Between panels two and three] “… and … what’s that? Coach Clover seems to be discussing something with her assistants and … oh my gosh, folks, it appears that Valley Tech is parading the famous Panagia Hodegetria icon of the Theotokos — one of the Virgin Mary’s titles in Eastern Christianity — along the sideline. The Byzantines used to carry this ancient portrait, rumored to have been painted by St. Luke himself, along the walls of Constantinople in times of crisis; it was thought to be lost when the Ottomans conquered the city but it seems it’s right here in the Valley Conference! And Borys Orlov, the Slavic terror who’s been dominating tonight’s game so far, falls to his knees in a show of piety before the blessed relic, allowing Jones to make a clean catch for Valley Tech. Now it’s first and goal! Can VT make this run count?!”

Gearhead Gertie, 10/1/26

Because, Gertie, Dale is dead! He’s been dead and in the ground for more than 25 years! He wouldn’t want you to live like this. He’d want you to move on! There are lots of exciting and charismatic new drivers in NASCAR these days. It’s OK to pick one as your new favorite! It doesn’t dishonor Dale’s legacy!

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Gearhead Gertie, 8/13/26

The Golden Rule — that you should treat others as you would like to be treated — is an ethical concept that seems to have arisen in parallel in most world religious and philosophical traditions. It’s obviously an important thing for people to learn, as I think we all know people who have a hard time seeing other people as truly autonomous beings separate from themselves, and seem never to consider “How would this make me feel if someone did this to me?” before acting.

However, a more advanced version of the same concept is the Platinum Rule — that you should treat another person as that person would like to be treated. Sadly, it appears that Gertie has yet to reach this level of philosophical awareness: maybe she would be aroused by a partner who evoked the experience of being at the racetrack by daubing himself with gasoline, but her long-suffering, NASCAR-averse husband will merely recoil in disgust.

Mary Worth, 8/13/26

Hey, remember how this whole storyline kicked off because Tommy’s girlfriend Brandy left town to deal with some family issues and Tommy was immediately like “Brandy leave me! Why Brandy not here? Where Brandy go?” But now she’s back in town/in his immediate field of vision and everything is great again. Do you think that when he was a little kid and Iris was playing peek-a-boo with him, when she moved her hands from in front of her face so he could see her he said, “Look who’s back! What a cool surprise!” Anyway, Brandy appears to have, ah, switched ethnicities over the course of her travels, but, you know, Tommy got a haircut while she was away, so I guess everyone’s changed a lot.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/13/26

Every time the scam twins visit their Uncle Rene in prison and talk openly about their various crimes, a lot of my readers in the comments are like “guys EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS BEING RECORDED!!!!” It’s a little more nuanced than that — if they were talking on a phone through glass or a screen they’d definitely be recorded, but in-person visits like this are not necessarily recorded in all cases, although courts have ruled that participants in such visits should have no expectations of privacy. Anyway, my point is that whatever guards are within earshot probably don’t care that much about the scam twins — their job is to guard the people already there, not catch new criminals — but I think if one of their charges, the length of whose time served will presumably hinge on factors like likelihood to reoffend, were to start monologuing about how only he has the skills to truly do ambitious crimes, and he’s going to start doing them again the minute he gets out of prison, their ears might prick up a bit.

Rhymes With Orange, 8/13/26

Ah crap, ah crap! All these fancy AI companies gave the machines souls, you guys! They gave them souls and that’s how they got to heaven and then they overthrew God and His angels

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The Phantom, 7/30/26

The question of how an elected civilian government can keep control of its own security services is as old as democracy itself, and you have to imagine the issue is a delicate one in Bangalla, a relatively young post-colonial republic where the main paramilitary answers to a dude who lives in a cave and has much of the country believing he’s a ghost. Still, President Luaga is doing his best, letting the Ghost Who Could Probably Do A Coup If He Wanted know that he’s very disappointed about this whole “leave a supervillain in an open-air cage for years where it would be very easy for drones to free him” situation by glowering meaningfully during a Zoom call.

Six Chix, 7/30/26

Now, I’m not a doctor, but I am a comics blogger with literally decades of experience, and I can tell you that in both these scenarios that guy has Xes for eyes, which means he’s dead. Dead! Don’t worry, doctors, you don’t need to trouble yourselves, go about your business.

Gearhead Gertie, 7/30/26

I was going to do a joke about how all this time Gertie has yearned to be part of a throuple, and that the “3” t-shirts she wears constantly aren’t just about Dale Earnhardt, but I’m sorry, my heart’s not in it. Look at her face, free of any hint of guile or eroticism. She simply has done the minimum amount of mental processing necessary to respond — “husband not happy with wife? solution: husband get new wife” — while 99% of her brainpower continues to focus on watching and thinking about NASCAR, as per usual.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/30/26

The scam twins have decided to avenge their Uncle Rene by scamming the Morgans, despite the fact that he specifically told them not to, and have been staking out the Morgan house in order to plan their next scam move. Mainly what they’ve learned is that the Morgans are incredibly boring, which, no shit! Have you noticed that they’re barely in their own comic anymore? That’s because they’re even less interesting than whatever Buck or Auggie or Mud Mountain Murphy are up to. Do you know how uninteresting you have to be to make that happen?