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Gil Thorp, 8/12/19

So underlying the whole “Hadley is using her big-city lawyer skills to browbeat the school board into letting an ineligible student attend Milford” plot is the “Hadley’s dad, who is also a lawyer, I guess, isn’t really that hot on her relationship with Jaquan for reasons nobody can explain.” I guess Hadley’s just straight-up annihilating the hapless small-town rubes of the Milford school board with facts and logic as way to show her dad that she isn’t “losing her edge”? Anyway, say what you will about Milford’s white-collar local elites, but they are not afraid to wear bold green suits in professional circumstances, which is more than the men in more supposedly culturally liberal big cities can say!

Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft, 8/12/19

Yes, it sure is crazy that Mindy would want to come to the county fair, since county fairs are … one of America’s most treasured and popular local attractions? I guess if any effort had been put into coming up with a personality for Funky Winkerbean-era Mindy beyond “fond Crankshaft rememberer and sex reward for Mopey Pete,” we the audience might be surprised too! But she really does have an emotional connection to the fair, it seems: it was the place where she heard grandfather say “A funnel cake is like a donut on steroids!” which was the only time in her entire life that he successfully deployed a common turn of phrase without botching it so badly that it was difficult to believe that he was a native English speaker.

Mary Worth, 8/12/19

What’s Dawn going to do with the few short weeks she has left with Hugo? Sit on the lawn and stare at his ass and calves, apparently! This is honestly the most emotionally healthy choice we’ve ever seen her make.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/10/19

Back in 2018 Snuffy woke his father from a decades-long slumber, presumably to the great joy of his family and other community members who had long ago written him off for dead. Now, not even two years later, it appears that everyone is already sick of the elder Smif, no doubt because of his incorrigible criminality.

Blondie, 8/10/19

Sometimes Dagwood and Blondie seem like a mismatched pair, but panel one proves they really have simpatico worldviews. “Look at that asshole,” they sneer, “trying something daring and exciting that we would never even consider doing. Does he think he’s better than us? Fuck that guy.”

Gil Thorp, 8/10/19

Ah, I see Hadley has reached the “What is truth? Can we ever fully grasp reality? Isn’t it up to each of us to interpret the flickering shadows of sensation on the wall of our cave the best we can, just as Plato explained?” portion of her pitch to the school board.

Hi and Lois, 8/10/19

Welp, it looks like the Flagstons’ golfrodisiac fun has run its course. Back to soul-crushing, sexless suburban conformity for this pair!

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Gil Thorp, 8/5/19

“Here’s what I’m thinking, Mr. Ballard. Why don’t you stop thinking of your job as determining the best and fairest set of rules for your school district and then making sure everyone follows those rules regardless of their status, and instead realizing what it really is: a means to grease the skids for people with enough power and influence to make life unpleasant for you if you don’t let them do what they want? Don’t worry, you won’t have to actually let anyone else bend the rules like this in the future, unless they also have a friend who’s a bored high-powered lawyer. Just do this one thing this one time and all your problems go away, probably!”

Hi and Lois, 8/5/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because Trixie views her place in the Flagston household as perpetually contingent, and worries she could be thrown in the trash at any time! Her parents do just ignore her for hours out of the day while she crawls around the house unsupervised, which might have something to do with it.

Dick Tracy, 8/5/19

Theater people??? Doing drugs???? UNHEARD OF