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Family Circus, 2/16/15

On Presidents Day, Billy pays lip service to the fact that we live in a democratic republic with an elected chief executive, but his thumbs-down gesture reveals his true desires: to be an autocratic Roman Emperor, with the power to dish out life and death in the gladiatorial arena and indeed anywhere else on his whim.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/16/15

I’m not entirely sure what the joke here is supposed to be, so I’m going to assume it’s that Bull hasn’t had this day set aside in advance at all, and the jerk-off motion he’s making in panel three signals his contempt both for Enormous Midwest University and the concept of making lesson plans in advance.

Shoe, 2/16/15

Not sure what’s grimmer here: the fact that a discussion of torture’s legality is falling under the heading of “current events,” or the horror that Sklyer just inadvertently revealed about his home life.

Gil Thorp, 2/16/15

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST: MAX BACON™ WILL BE TAKING WHAT HE THINKS IS ADDERALL BUT IT WILL JUST TURN OUT TO BE SUGAR PILLS

BUT HE’LL PLAY BETTER DUE TO THE PLACEBO EFFECT

IT’LL BE JUST LIKE DUMBO’S MAGIC FEATHER

EXCEPT MAX WON’T FLY, OBVIOUSLY

ALSO ADULTS WILL FIND OUT AND NOBODY WILL BE MAD, FOR SOME REASON

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Spider-Man, 2/13/15

So it turns out that Mysterio’s mysterious powers of flight come not from the supernatural, but rather from an array of gadgets! He’s mostly been cruising around on that thing that Spidey is dangling from in panel one, which yesterday he called his “nigh-invisible sky-ski” and which Spider-Man today refers to as “see-through” despite the fact that it’s blatantly the shade of bright yellow that you paint construction equipment with specifically to make it easier to see. He’s got a back-up flying device, too, which is a smart move when your primary flying device is structured such that it would be very easy to just, you know, fall off of it. Anyway, the best thing about today’s strip is clearly panel one, in which Spider-Man taunts Mysterio about what appears to be his awful, imminent death.

Gil Thorp, 2/13/15

Over in Gil Thorp, Max Bacon™ continues his quest for Adderall. Today’s episode tickles me because he’s blatantly leaving whatever the electronic version of a paper trail is in his attempt to illegally acquire performance-enhancing drugs, bringing to mind the end of this classic scene from The Wire.

Apartment 3-G, 2/13/15

This Apartment 3-G plot is supposed to be about Margo getting her mom out of the clutches of some terrible phony psychic, but that’s all unravelling because it turns out that her grift mostly involves soaking Margo’s dad for money to buy fun things with, and what’s the harm in that, really? Game recognizes game.

Momma, 2/13/15

Francis is a notorious ladies man, but his overarching goal is to avoid work at all times, so he’s not shy about using his sweet young body to charm whoever finds him charming.

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Gil Thorp, 2/2/15

Oh my gosh, I was wrong and Gil Thorp really is doing a Very Important Drug story! The drug in question is Adderall, which is about as intense and Important as Gil Thorp can handle, I guess. This all assumes that that I’m interpreting “I want some!” correctly. Maybe Max Bacon™ is asking to be infected with ADHD to improve his basketball play, which would indicate that he profoundly misunderstands the disorder in a number of distinct ways.

Mark Trail, 2/2/15

Despite having read Mark Trail daily for more than a decade, I honestly couldn’t tell you whether Mark is one of those action heroes for whom refusing to pull a gun on someone is part of his shtick. But assuming he’s not, I’m reading panel one as him cautiously feeling out his new ally. “Yeah, so they’ve definitely got guns, so … I’m just spitballing here, but … maybe … you’ve got some firearms … back at your isolated hunting hut? No? Okay then! Well, we shouldn’t have a problem sneaking up on them in this flat-bottom! Ha ha! Yeah, this is going to go great.”

Mary Worth, 2/2/15

I haven’t really featured any of the strips where Hanna’s annoying daughter Amy has disapproved of her relationship with Sean, probably because they’ve been pretty boring, but trust me when I tell you that Hanna’s annoying daughter Amy disapproves of her relationship with Sean. And now Hanna’s going to ask some random lady she barely knows to be her witness! That’ll show her ungrateful offspring, who primarily uses Hanna as a free babysitting service! As the cruel look on her face in panel one makes clear, Hanna is getting married for the best possible reason: revenge.