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Gil Thorp, 10/30/10

The Mystery Of What Exactly Cody Exner Is Doing Down At The Park is temporarily on hold, because at last we’re going to get a solution to another mystery, one that’s been brewing ever since Jamaar “The Ghost” Gaddis appeared in the strip a year or two ago, namely The Mystery Of Why Jamaar Is Such A Dick. Turns out it’s because he’s consumed with rage against the cruel God who made him such a wee fellow! But both mysteries may be dovetailing together with the image of a sweaty, crazy-eyed Cody in panel three. Perhaps Cody has been stealing away to the park to conduct his secretive experiments in mad science, and he’s in ecstasy now that he realizes that he’s finally found a willing subject for injection with his dangerous, untested embigiffication serum.

Dick Tracy, 10/30/10

So it seems that David Dierdorf D’Buckworth took on the life of a fake hobo who hands out huge sums of money because he couldn’t stand his wife. Which totally makes sense! Women, am I right, fellas? Can’t live with ’em, so you might as well pretend to be homeless! Haw haw! Anyway, now she’s going to shoot him in the face.

Slylock Fox, 10/30/10

Hey, kids, remember, have a safe Halloween! Always go out in groups! Stick close with your family! And be sure to pop unexpectedly out of a jack-o-lantern, with eyes the size of dinner plates, waving a knife around and gibbering like a maniac, which should go over well with everybody.

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Gil Thorp, 10/23/10

So there’s multiple boring storylines going on in this fall’s Gil Thorp, most of which revolve around golden boy/team captain/foster child Cody Exner, who is selfless and noble and may be buying drugs down at the park in the middle of the night, who knows, probably it will end up being something stupidly innocuous. But today’s strip contains one of the most subtly hilarious panels in many weeks of Gil Thorp, featuring young Cody frolicking with his real, unfit parents. Look, mom is smoking! And dad has a damn ponytail! Monsters! Presumably Child Protective Services stumbled onto this bucolic scene mere moments later and whisked young Cody away to a better life, where tobacco is forbidden and no man’s hair extends below the collar.

It’s even funnier to imagine that Cody is buying drugs down at the park and this story about his parents is an improvised ruse, because that would probably mean that the “parents” in his vision are just his dealers.

Spider-Man, 10/23/10

There were some hints at the beginning of this storyline that the Mole Man was going to drag Aunt May down to his subsurface kingdom and make her his unwilling bride, and Spider-Man would be required to preform a certain degree of superheroics to rescue her. But now it looks like the subterranean weirdo and Peter’s aged aunt are going to embark on a wholly consensual romance, which means that the drama will involve Peter whining about having to go have dinner with them despite the fact that the Mole Man creeps him out. This is frankly much more this strip’s speed.

Archie, 10/23/10

Oh, God, those aren’t the eyes of an adorable and mildly mischievous tyke; those are windows into a soul of PURE EVIL. Leroy knows that what he’s done was wrong, and that’s exactly why he’s going to do it again and again.

But where will he find his bride?

Family Circus, 10/23/10

“How many sins must I commit before the voices in my head stop, grandma? HOW MUCH EVIL MUST I DO TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT?”

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Mark Trail, 10/19/10

In the normal universe that we know, it would be quite reasonable for Future Governor Frank to assume that an important personage like the senator here would be wholly unacquainted with cabin-dwelling rustic Mark Trail, though I would describe him less as a “troublemaker” and more a “khaki-clad contraction-eschewing weirdo out of touch with ‘Real America.'” But unbeknownst to Frank, Mark has already saved the life of one senator and launched an ethics investigation against another; since the Senate is such a small and exclusive club, one must assume that the man whose patronage Frank has been seeking is already well acquainted with this Trail character. Sorry, Frank, it looks like your only hope is to turn against the senator, claiming you’re running to break his inside-the-beltway cabal, which is dominated by special interests like Mark Trail.

Dick Tracy, 10/19/10

It’s always dangerous to claim to understand anything happening in a given Dick Tracy strip, but it appears that Dick and the comely she-hobo are actually in cahoots, and the Fraud Unit officer in panel three looks to be similarly disguised as a bum. Were there ever any real hobos at all in this storyline? Their absence saddens me, though maybe the strip is trying to advocate against increased government funding for homeless services, since all so-called “homeless people” are just undercover law enforcement officers of one type or another.

Gil Thorp, 10/19/10

This is the part of the Gil Thorp season when Gil and Kaz realize that their players have gotten as far as they can on their native talent and enthusiasm, and would do better if only someone competent were coaching the team. Too bad they didn’t go to another high school!

Pluggers, 10/19/10

Suggested new caption: “Plugger Internet pornography.”