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Judge Parker, 4/4/26

So I guess I haven’t fully spelled out what’s been going in on Judge Parker over the past few weeks: Bogdan, Randy’s lovable prison pal, showed up at the Parker manse with Randy’s proof of life video, in which Randy said he would return home at some future undetermined time, which was nice of him, but then Bogdan got weirdly aggressive about wanting to see Charlotte, so the Parkers kicked him out, and afterwards I guess he just started lurking around the vast Spencer horse ranch until he caught sight of her, but unfortunately he didn’t do it particularly subtly, which led to Neddy punching him directly in the throat. Now, Bogdan has always seemed nice, so maybe this will turn out to have all been a big misunderstanding, but for now, I’m presenting this strip to you, because when an old man gets punched in the throat in a syndicated newspaper comic, I will talk about it on my blog. That’s the joshreads dot com promise.

Dennis the Menace, 4/4/26

I get that Alice is supposed to be holding a baking pan of some sort, but personally I think the “Ha ha, it’s menacing that Dennis doesn’t know the phrase ‘square meal’ is a metaphor” joke is undermined a bit when we see that his mother is preparing a meal that is in fact literally square, or at least rectangular. Anyway, I’m not sure what prompted Henry to wear a white suit today, but since dinner appears to be some kind of brown glop, I think he’s going to live to regret it.

Blondie, 4/4/26

You keep forgetting that, Herb? You keep forgetting what’s literally the defining characteristic of your supposed best friend? Wow. Wow.

Gil Thorp, 4/4/26

“Is it golf? Wait, no, we just determined that it’s not golf. Well, I guess I’m going to have to keep watching you through these binoculars until I figure it out.”

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Hi and Lois, 3/27/26

A thing about Hi and Lois and comic strip time that you really have to keep in mind is that Hi and Lois has been in newspapers with Trixie as one of its characters since 1954, but Hi and Lois just had their youngest child within the last year. She’s a baby! She’s pretty much brand new! That’s why it’s deeply psychotic to see them grinning broadly about how happy their bird friend is about being an empty nester. You just reset that clock! You’re nearly two decades out from singing this cheerful tune! Are you not listening to yourselves?

Pluggers, 3/27/26

Pluggers sing in the shower so their spouse will know they’re OK, and choose lyrics to reaffirm the fact that they’re bisexual and polyamorous. Yeah, that’s right! It’s 2026 now! Pluggers are bi and poly! Get on their level.

Gil Thorp, 3/27/26

I’m willing to follow Gil Thorp to a lot of places, so I would’ve accepted it if the strip had told me that this year’s golf program was going to get mildly interesting. But very interesting? Nope. Not buying it. This is golf we’re talking about, c’mon.

Crankshaft, 3/27/26

I’m sorry if my last Crankshaft post gave you the impression that the title character would be slowly and tragically fading away into senility over the coming months. In fact, he’s going to be very rapidly but still tragically smeared all over the highway in the next few minutes. I regret the error.

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Gil Thorp, 3/14/26

Emily “Mimi” Clover has, at various overlapping times, been Gil’s student, assistant coach, and wife. Now that she’s coaching Milford arch-rival Valley Tech, we’re in for a real “now the student/assistant coach/wife has become master” scenario, where she uses Gil’s own The Secret-inspired “think yourself win” techniques against him.

Pardon My Planet, 3/14/26

Pardon My Planet’s take on romantic partnerships is traditionally “they are the worst nightmares you can imagine and there is no escape,” so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised that when the strip finally depicts a loving relationship, it’s literally between two demons in the depths of hell.

Pluggers, 3/14/26

Pluggers have precious little free time remaining to them due to the huge amount of effort it takes to keep them alive, and they spend it playing golf. Sad!