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Gil Thorp, 5/2/08

Sorry I haven’t been covering the Very Special Story of Elmer Vargas the Accidental Illegal Immigrant, but turns out it’s kind of boring! Elmer has lived in America since he was six months old, so he’s thoroughly acclimated to the culture; this is why he invokes TV as a totem to protect him, since he knows Americans love it before all else. Still, I fear that we’re going to see the Vargases deported just in time for Cinco de Mayo next week, possibly at the behest of the blonde-haired uber-Aryan in panel three. Is that Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp? I’d say I can’t tell yet who people are with the new artist, but honestly I had a hard time with the old artist too.

Pluggers, 5/2/08

What’s the saddest possible interpretation of this panel?

• Pluggers is a shameless sell-out, willing to take cash from any fast food restaurant chain willing to throw money their way.
• Pluggers is too dumb to sell out, and is just throwing in names for color because it can’t conceive of a world not completely defined by the omnipresent branding of multinational corporations.
• This family of pluggers will drive directly from KFC to visit their friend the chicken-lady while still gnawing on the bones of her slaughtered kin.

Mary Worth, 5/2/08

I’m not sure what exactly Ron is holding in the second panel, but I sincerely hope it’s his mother’s soiled bedpan, and he’s about to brain his brother with it.

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Gil Thorp, 4/24/08

We all knew that the new Gil Thorp artist would face his first really tough test when forced to draw three disconnected panels of insane sports action, and I’m proud to say that he’s passed with flying colors. In panel one, power pitcher Lisa Wyche rotates her arm 360 degrees in its socket to deliver a throw behind the batter’s back to her catcher, six feet away; in panel two, Branden’s double is only a fraction of a second away from shattering the left fielder’s eye socket; and in panel three, Branden combines a slide with a ballerina’s split in an attempt to avoid a vicious karate chop from the third basewoman. All in all, it’s quite a respectable outing for fans of deranged softball-like hallucinations, which I trust all of you are.

Family Circus, 4/24/08

“Also, powerful forces beyond your control will use you for their own ends, constantly rubbing you down until you’re a worn-out nub, and then will throw you in the trash. So, what I’m trying to say is, somebody go get grandma some more gin.”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/18/08

Man, Mr. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KILL IT just will not let up, will he? At least he’s now gone to a we’re-all-in-this-together scheme with a first person plural rather than an accusatory second person, but he’s still damn annoying. I think Skinny Coroner Guy’s MRSA advice is just an excuse to throw bleach at Yelly McShouterson and then “limit contact” with his fists.

It’s possible that our volatile vested fellow just uses this catchy phrase as his catchphrase in any and all situations. Those of you who are better than me at using Photoshop might enjoy exploring the different people and things he’s shouted HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KILL IT at, like so:

Luann, 4/18/08

I just want to point out that Luann and her mother are both ignoring that the Standard Creepiness Rule for dating age differences, as canonically described in this xkcd comic, allows for a larger age gap as both parties get older. Thus, it’s creepy for a 21-year-old to date a 16-year-old (those are my assumptions about Luann and Ben’s ages), but it’s not creepy for, say, a 30-year-old to date a 24-year-old, or a 45-year-old to be married to a 33-year-old. Sorry, Luann, you’ll just have to wait until you grow up.

(OK, mostly I just wanted to link to xkcd. It’s great! You’ll love it!)

Ziggy, 4/18/08

Wow, somebody doesn’t understand how computers or video games work at all. It’s even less athletic than you think, dude.

Apartment 3-G, 4/18/08

Man, leave it to Apartment 3-G to make even the hot girl-on-girl action boring. Please, Gabriella, this eyebrow-peck is hardly gasp-worthy.

I know I shouldn’t be looking to Lu Ann for a firm grasp of economics, but isn’t the whole point of keeping the number of prints limited to drive the price up? It’s supply and demand, just like we learned about in Curtis the other day. She’d just be encouraging her initial buyers to get rich in the resale market, if her paintings were any good.

Gil Thorp, 4/18/08

And if there’s one group who learned the hard way that you shouldn’t pay for genetic engineering unless you have the money to do it right, it’s the lumpy, mutated flipper-people of Gil Thorp.