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Dick Tracy, 11/11/20

I gotta tell you, I’ve been extremely uninterested in this Dick Tracy plot so far, which has involved … poison gas? A couple new weirdo criminals (“Daisy” and “Yeti”) whose gimmicks don’t really seem to sync up? Enh. But I am a fickle Comics Curmudgeon, faithful readers, and everything about today’s strip delights me. The sudden pivot to meteorite theft? The idea that there’s some kind of lucrative black market for meteorites out there? The managing editor at the The Daily deciding that there should be a front page banner headline about a new meteorite exhibit at the museum, and that the approximate dollar value of the meteorite is the most important thing to emphasize in said banner headline? The gratuitious slam on Daisy’s literacy? It’s all perfect and delightful, and I hope for more of this and less of the stuff that I already can’t really remember very clearly and cannot be bothered to go read again to make sure I got the details right in this post.

Gil Thorp, 11/11/20

Gil Thorp, meanwhile, has finally reached that all-important point in every storyline where Gil can no longer ignore the increasingly dumb antics that his student-athletes have gotten up to so far this semester. Today’s he’s decided to deal with the current set of problem children by yelling at them and, you know what? Fair.

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Gil Thorp, 11/2/20

So the big Gil Thorp fall plot is this: not only are two young gentlemen competing for the starting quarterback job, but they’re also vying for the affections of sassy newcomer Corina Karenna. One of the lads (I haven’t bothered learning their names and I’m not planning on doing so any time soon) has figured out that the best way to a girl’s heart is to recognize that she exists as an autonomous human with interests of her own outside himself, and is coming to watch her play volleyball, which is nice, and he’s bringing half the football team with him. These guys don’t know jack about volleyball, obviously, unlike volleyball superfan Dallas, who I’d like to imagine had the bleachers to himself every game before this. I also don’t know jack about volleyball, so I’d also like to imagine that “libero” is an entirely made-up term and Dallas is just fucking with these meatheads.

Mary Worth, 11/2/20

Aww, looks like it’s the dark night of the soul for our star-crossed lovers! Tommy is singing “The Sound of Silence” in his mind right now, because he was belting it out earlier before Mary knocked on the door to say that “Simon and Garfunkel seem like nice young men but it’s after eight o’cock, dear.”

Dick Tracy, 11/2/20

Is … is Dick Tracy really the guy you want on this? Is he going to arrest a gas leak? Or, more likely, shoot a gas leak while it’s “trying to escape”?

Dennis the Menace, 11/2/20

The best thing about this, to me? I think it’s safe to assume that Mr. Wilson is financially comfortable enough to buy all the groceries he needs, so this manual labor he’s doing in his garden bed is for fun, at some level. Dennis is right! Adulthood blows!

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Hagar the Horrible and Beetle Bailey, 10/12/20

Hope you had a good weekend, everybody! Hagar and his band of grinning Vikings are going to murder these two in their bed. Sarge, meanwhile, is going to murder Beetle with a tank, though it’s not clear if he’s going to disintegrate his body by firing an artillery shell at him at point blank range or just crush him to death under the tank treads.

Mark Trail, 10/12/20

In happier news, it’s new-look Mark Trail day one, y’all! Wow, just last week Mark was getting a big fat raise just for winning some dumb industry award he didn’t even show up to collect, but now he’s off in the woods handling snakes and desperately trying to come up with some viral TikTok content that the kids can relate to. Sad!

Gil Thorp, 10/12/20

Oh hell yeah it’s another Wing-T storyline!!!! You might remember way back in 2007 when one of the shittiest Milford football teams in living memory sort of threw in the towel halfway threw the season and spent a lot of time practicing the Wing-T, an old-timey trickeration play, in total secrecy, to prepare to unleash it at just the right moment. They did, eventually, and it turned out to be boring and confusing, but whatever, this isn’t your father’s Wing-T they’re practicing now, it’s the Delaware Wing-T, which means, uh, there’s no taxes on it or something? More on this story as it develops.

Pluggers, 10/12/20

Gotta say, I’ve been reading Pluggers for more than 15 years and never once in all that time did it occur to me to think about whether the plugger chicken-lady had scaly orange chicken legs under her pants or if she was just basically a humanoid with a chicken head and covered with feathers. But now? Now that I know the answer? I’m going to think about it every God-damned day for the rest of my life.