Post Content

Hagar the Horrible, 9/14/22

Feels like someone over at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC is trying to feed into my “when exactly in history does Hagar the Horrible take place” — and it’s working! So, some fun facts: England really did have a King Edgar, and he really did come to the throne as a scruffy teen. He became king in 959, though he succeeded his brother, not his father, who had died years earlier, and his coronation ceremony was devised by Saint Dunstan (a bishop, not an orangutang) and (topical!) is the basis for the ceremony still used by British monarchs to this day. His Wikipedia article claims that “Scandinavia was ‘largely quiescent’ during this period and Viking activity directed towards England was much reduced,” but we all know that records from this era are spotty, because it’s clear that he got his palace utterly plundered by Hagar fairly early in his reign.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/22

Sorry, it turns out we couldn’t squeeze much drama out of “Buck is in charge of an old person,” so instead we’ve got … these two! A boring teen and her single mom, whose latest romance fizzled in an extremely uninteresting way! Um. Tune in tomorrow when … hopefully Sarah has another head injury?

Pluggers, 9/14/22

Do … do pluggers think you’re supposed to type on your phone with your thumbs? And that having more thumbs would therefore be helpful? Because that would explain a lot (about why they’re bad at typing on their phones).

Post Content

Hagar the Horrible, 8/20/22

What do you think the origin is of “grotesquely exaggerated cleft chin” being a comics shorthand for “handsome”? Was it a Cary Grant thing? Or did Cary Grant’s fame emerge from the same early 20th century cultural/aesthetic mileu, chin-wise, that the comics are also drawing from? It’s been several generations since a big chin cleft has been considered stereotypically attractive in real life (I’m talking about society’s hegemonic ideal of handsomeness, here, I’m sure some of you freaks are personally horny for chin clefts and that’s fine) so the images in the comics have become increasingly detached from reality and anyway, Handsome Hans has an ass for a chin? C’mon, that’s clearly an ass. He has an ass for a chin!

Crock, 8/20/22

Speaking of asses, I spent way too long trying to figure out what’s going on with the statue in today’s Crock. Is he not wearing any clothes at all? Because if that were the case, I’m pretty sure we could see his dick in panel one. The piece of paper he’s holding is not adequately positioned to hide his dick! Or is he just wearing really tight pants, so tight we can see his buttcheeks? Or has the Lost Patrol sculpted a version of their hated leader who’s naked but lacking in genitals of any sort, as a cruel commentary on his impotent leadership? Never thought I’d spend a good portion of my day wondering “What’s the deal with this statute’s junk,” but I guess this is the life I’ve chosen for myself.

Post Content

Slylock Fox, 7/18/22

I honestly have quite a few questions about how realistic these Cyber-Weirdlies are. Like, can they talk? Do they hold up a conversation or just have an ELIZA-style set of canned phrases they use to respond to everything? How much autonomy do they have to move around? How docile was this bot as the duck-cop tied a single thin rope around him and then led him back to Slylock? Did the duck really think that master criminal and inventor Count Weirdly would allow himself to be so easily captured and served up on a platter to his archnemesis, Slylock Fox? I guess my questions are honestly much more about how dumb Officer Quackers here is, and also about why he’s been saddled with the name “Deputy Duck” when Officer Quackers is obviously much funnier.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/18/22

One definite sign I’m getting old is that I’m not a “car guy” by any means but every time I see a Cadillac built in the last 10 years I think “jeez, this looks like ass,” and when I see one of these “classic” Caddys from my youth like the one Tildy’s driving herself to the hospital in here, I’m like “yes, YES, this is what a Cadillac SHOULD look like,” even though, objectively, they look like ass as well. Still, if Tildy is a little more in touch with the nuances of her aging body than her husband and really is having a heart attack, I will shed a single tear to see this majestic vehicle swerve off the road into a tree.

Hagar the Horrible, 7/18/22

Hagar is right to be surprised in panel two. This is Viking Age! A boat like this should be an economic boon its owner, allowing them to either trade or raid depending on the military strength of the peoples on whose shore they arrive! If someone is just using a boat as an expensive hobby, then the world is truly changing and maybe Hagar isn’t going to be able to just murder people and steal their stuff for a living anymore.