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Blondie, 3/10/23

Newspaper comics version of horseshoe theory: when new-look Mark Trail and eternally old-look Blondie come to the same position on cryptocurrency and the blockchain.

Gasoline Alley, 3/10/23

Say what you will about Gasoline Alley, but it absolutely nails the experience of having a long, rambling, irritating conversation with an old person that goes nowhere.

Hagar the Horrible, 3/10/23

In terms of “comic strip wives that might be interested in a three-way,” I wouldn’t have put Helga at the top of the list, but to be honest I wouldn’t have put her at the bottom either.

Hi and Lois, 3/10/23

I’ve never had a large enough home to be blessed with my own man cave; are they for … masturbating? Is that what you guys are doing in there? Jerking off? That’s sure what I’m getting from today’s Hi and Lois!

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Marvin, 3/3/23

If, like me, you are hopelessly addicted to the Twitter dot com website, you’ve been following the company’s latest drama for a while now and thinking “When? When will it be over? When will the site truly crack up so I can finally be free?” Well, I’m not going to say that Marvin doing a joke where the whole punchline is the fact that Marvin says the word “tweet” is the final nail in the coffin, but I think it could be a sign that our salvation isn’t far off.

Mary Worth, 3/3/23

“It’s like people want to pay me to kill their pets but then want me to keep them alive at no cost! Shouldn’t it be the other way around? It’s a topsy-turvy world and I can’t handle it anymore!”

Hagar the Horrible, 3/3/23

Bad news, everyone: Hagar the Horrible, the famous viking, is dead! Looks like he and his men pillaged the wrong castle and he suffered major, catastrophic organ damage from multiple arrow wounds. RIP Hagar the Horrible, c. 895-c. 925.

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Pluggers, 2/27/23

Look, I’m not going to say that there are no plugger or plugger-identified referees, but I feel comfortable in saying that for the vast majority of pluggers, when they see a referee on TV, their first thought is not “ahh, there’s another regular working man, just like me” but is instead “HOLDING? YOU THINK THAT’S HOLDING? FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE”, so I don’t know how well today’s Pluggers is going to land. I do think it’s accurate that pluggers would never rise to a career level where they might come to know interesting corporate or government secrets, though. That part I buy.

Judge Parker, 2/27/23

“I mean, it’s only Monday. He’s gonna be monologuing for the rest of the week. You want him to wrap up on Thursday and then we have to sit around in awkward silence for two more strips? We gotta stretch this out.”

Family Circus, 2/27/23

“And maybe some new glasses. You see how close he’s sitting to the TV?”

Hagar the Horrible, 2/27/23

You know, Hagar the Horrible usually focuses on small, mundane little moments in the life of a band of Viking warriors, but every once in a while you get a glimpse of a hugely important historic moment — like today, when the Varangian Guard was founded.