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Archive: Hagar the Horrible

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Thanksgiving quickies

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Hagar the Horrible, 11/28/24

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? Personally, I’m thankful to learn that, in the Hagarverse, the imported Near Eastern triune God coexists with even more ancient pagan deities. I just think it’s neat!

Hi and Lois, 11/28/24

I’m also thankful that nobody at my Thanksgiving dinner is going to blurt out “Hey, you know what would be cool? If you could go back in time and murder and eat a pilgrim. Just slice up their flesh and make sandwiches out of it!” People talk about dreading political arguments with their families but frankly I think this one would be an even bigger downer.

Mary Worth, 11/28/24

I’m not thankful that Mary’s friends remembered to Doordash her some Thanksgiving dinner before they all went out to live their best lives without her. We were so close to finishing her off for good! So close!

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Good thing it’s not Princeton, because I’d have some harsh words

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Mary Worth, 11/23/24

Big news everyone. Huge news. Incredible news. Mary is coming down with COVID or the flu or maybe just a bad cold, who’s to say, but the point is that she’s probably going to be too sick to do even the half-assed job of cooking Thanksgiving dinner that she promised to her friends some people she knows from her apartment building. Now, the heartwarming outcome will probably that the gang will come together to do Thanksgiving themselves the best they can and gather ’round her sickbed with their improvised feast, showing Mary how much she’s loved and appreciated, but let’s get real: these are the Westons and the Camerons we’re talking about, and Wilbur and Ian will absolutely be fist-fighting at PriceCo over the last frozen turkey, destroying said turkey and an entire endcap of cans of pumpkin pie filling in the process, while Mary lies on the couch at home, coughing up blood, forgotten and untended.

Hagar the Horrible, 11/23/24

Every time we’re reminded that Hagar’s son is named “Hamlet” I am tickled anew by the thought of Hagar being the analogue of the Ghost in Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Still, the plot mechanics don’t really work — Hagar doesn’t have a brother that we know of, and as today’s strip reminds us, the intrafamilial threats he faces lie elsewhere — and frankly neither do the personalities. Hagar is a pretty happy-go-lucky guy, all things considered! Can you imagine him brooding around a castle, hounding his descendents with demands for vengeance? He’d probably just chalk up his death to “one of those things” and move onto Valhalla to see what exactly is going on there.

Flash Gordon, 11/23/24

As much as I love Flash Gordon’s current incarnation, I acknowledge that you’re never going to get a new incarnation of Flash Gordon if the people behind it aren’t a little more fascinated with old timey comics lore than is normal and healthy. This can spin terribly out of hand (see for instance basically every third Dick Tracy strip) but little bits of lore dispensed like easter eggs is all in good fun. For instance, did you know that Flash Gordon, canonically, went to Yale? That’s right. Flash Gordon, two-fisted spaceman, is an Ivy Leaguer — specifically, a Yale man. Depending on your personal prejudices, feel free to imagine that he had an Earthbound life as an irritating comp lit Marxist academic wannabe failson or a coke-addled finance bro failson before he had the good fortune to end up in space!

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The shirt … it is stripy … honh honh honh

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Panels from Hagar the Horrible, 11/17/24

“OK, we want people to know she’s a prostitute, so we’ll give her torn short shorts and fishnet stockings … but how will we let people know she’s a French prostitute? Can we do something with her upper half, maybe?” This sounds like criticism but it’s not. Perfect visual storytelling, informative and funny, keep it up Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC.

Dustin, 11/17/24

What really makes this strip for me is not that Dustin’s dad has to cut this evening short to go to bed so he can get up and go to work — we’ve all been there, “there” being a hell-world where are forced to earn our bread by the sweat of our brow and cannot simply be indolent all day if we so choose — but the way he does it. “Well, enough of this,” he announces to his aged father, who is unwell (see final panel “punchline”) and may not be around much longer. “I’ve done the math on whether my optimal choice is to hang out with you or slip into unconsciousness, and my conclusion is: smell ya later, old man.”

Dennis the Menace, 11/17/24

Wow, so the entire run of Dennis the Menace has been one of those ironic things where it turns out it’s a story written by one of the characters! Who knew Mr. Wilson had such artistic talents. Anyway, looks like today’s the day we wrap the whole thing up. RIP Dennis the Menace, 1951-2024, you taught me it was OK to be weird.