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Hagar the Horrible, 5/8/19

I guess it looks like Merlin is joining the cast of Hagar the Horrible regulars, even though strictly speaking he’s a figure from 6th century Britain and not 10th century Norway. Still, this strip fits in well with the overall Hagar the Horrible milieu: in an era of widespread illiteracy, Eddie’s ability to scratch out a few runes makes him seem almost magical to his fellow Vikings.

Family Circus, 5/8/19

Are those … stink lines coming out of Jeffy’s bowl? Has feeding time in the Kean Kompound devolved so far into chaos that the kids are getting spoiled milk in their breakfast cereal? My god, just think of the farting. The farting. What a nightmare!

Mark Trail, 5/8/19

Doc may be an addled old man who believes in magic gold mines, but you gotta give him this: when he hears what might be a swarm of bees, or maybe an armed Predator drone, he doesn’t stand around like a sitting duck loudly saying stuff like “Hey, everyone, listen to the sound! Do you hear the sound?” or “The sound is a buzzing sound” or “Yeah, what is that sound, the buzzing sound we’re all talking about?” He just throws on his backpack and gets the hell out of there.

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Mary Worth, 5/5/19

Some might say this is “Arthur” revealing his true face, and it is … just not the way you think. Our slovenly scammer has come to realize that Estelle will never, ever give up on him unless he makes it truly obvious that he is not and never was the man she loves. Rather than just abruptly ceasing to take her calls and leaving her bereft of both love and closure, he’s decided to make his own bad intentions as clear as possible, really leaning into the scumbaggery, in order to establish a clean break. Look at how riled up he is in that final panel! Surely such a skilled con artist would never let his emotions run away with him in the midst of his act; no, this is pure method acting, and in its own way an act of love, to help Estelle get over him as soon as possible.

Pluggers, 5/5/19

There’s exactly one tiny chair within viewing distance of that television, so I’m assuming that Henrietta Beak is unfamiliar not just with the remote but with TV generally, as her husband spends most of his waking hours sitting there while she tends to the kitchen or whatever. She’s in for a steep learning curve as she tries to find her favorite shows. “What channel is the DuMont Network? Why won’t the TV Guide tell me the schedule for this ‘Net-flicks’ channel?”

Hagar the Horrible, 5/5/19

Good Lord, in order to assuage his deep and profound loneliness, Hamlet has demanded that this pagan sorcerer pull living souls from the aether! Sure, these children will make Hamlet’s birthday more fun, but will their very presence in our world unbalance the structure of reality? Merlin, you’ve gone too far this time!

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Spider-Man, 4/30/19

I know I said I wasn’t going to get into Rerun Newspaper Spider-Man until it dipped a little further into the vaults than five years ago, but I guess I should grudgingly acknowledge that the particular rerun storyline they chose to launch the reruns involves Mysterio as a villain, who will also be the villain in this summer’s upcoming Spider-Man: Far From Home, which means that this zombified strip is doing a significantly better job of adding the infinitesimal amount of buzz of which it’s capable into the cultural ether to boost the next entry in the most lucrative series of films in cinematic history than it did when it was still a going concern.

Anyway, not that I expect to revisit this, but the outcome of this newspaper storyline was that this Mysterio wasn’t the real Mysterio, despite the fact that as far as I’m concerned anyone who puts on this ludicrously dumb costume with its fishbowl helmet and calls themselves Mysterio deserves to be thought of as a real Mysterio, at least. I would find it profoundly amusing and satisfying if this were also the shocking twist at the end of Spider-Man: Far From Home, a film where presumably 75% of those seeing it will have only the vaguest of familiarity with the character. The main result would be a collective “Huh?” from most of the audience, followed by some furious rewriting of the infinite “Who Is Mysterio, The Villain Of Spider-Man: Far From Home?” explainer articles churned out by every publication from Politico to Bon Appétit as they desperately seek out that sweet, sweet Marvel Cinematic Universe SEO traffic.

Mark Trail, 4/30/19

Mark has been scowling aggressively at JJ pretty much from the moment he met him, and he’s gotten so deep into it that he seems to have forgotten his real primary non-punching role, which is to interject nature facts at vaguely appropriate times. Looks like Doc has to do his work for him! And he’s not doing a great job! Javelinas aren’t pigs, but they’re part of the suborder Suina, which means they’re more closely related to pigs than any animal that isn’t a pig. You’re lucky you’re so far out in the desert that nobody can look this up on their phone, Doc!

Dennis the Menace, 4/30/19

I’m not up on modern methods of child discipline, but usually when a kid’s in “time out” or whatever they call it these days, do his parents let his friends just wander in and talk with him? I mean, maybe the other kids’ parents want them to see him, like as a cautionary example or something.

Hagar the Horrible, 4/30/19

Hmm … Lucky Eddie wants to open a fish store because he’s … “passionate” … about … fish?

Hagar the Horrible, 7/17/18 and 8/26/17

Noooooooooooooo