Archive: Hagar the Horrible

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Mark Trail, 11/18/11

“We’re going to follow this Watergate business as far as it goes, even if it means putting a bucket-harness on a semi-tame bear in hopes that he’ll lead us to a hidden gold mine” is something I assume Woodward said to Bernstein at least once.

Archie, 11/18/11

Many of us are too young to remember what an culture-shaking sensation Trump: The Art of the Deal was when it was published in 1987; fortunately, this Archie comic from the 1990s gives a little taste of the awe and reverence in which that tome was held, by showing us how shocking it would be for a mere lunch lady to publish her own version.

Hagar the Horrible, 11/18/11

Hagar’s dog has been out until 3 a.m. having sex, hopefully with other dogs.

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Panel from Dick Tracy, 8/14/11

I find it intriguing that this home invasion tip actually comes from an officer of the railroad police. How many bits of advice do you think the Dick Tracy staff had to reject before they got to one that was actually useful for the general public? “That’s interesting, Sgt. Doherty, but I don’t know how many of our readers are interested in the best time of night to catch hobos napping in freight cars.”

Panels from Hagar the Horrible, 8/14/11

By “this economy,” Helga of course means the pre-monetary economy of early medieval Scandinavia, where almost all coins are either plundered from Western Europe or received in exchange for slaves sold to the Islamic world, and then are immediately buried in coin hoards.

Marvin, 8/14/11

“It’s almost as if she resents the fact that she’s doing all this while I sit here watching TV! Well, whatever, time to go whine for sex.”

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Mark Trail, 8/8/11

You guys, Mark Trail is on the case of this crazy biblical goose mystery, if by “on the case” you mean “heading down to the local U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service branch office to shoot the breeze for an hour or four”. More proof of government waste! How do these people have the time to jaw with random weirdos about geese or whatever when they should focusing on which wild animals can be most profitable harvested for their lovely coats? Anyway, this US&FWSer doesn’t just have an incredibly awkward/sexy way of sitting on a desk; he also has a decent memory for strange combinations of God and waterfowl. “Yeah, I heard about this sort of thing years ago, so I put a little pushpin in this map, right here near the Canadian border, just in case it ever happened again. They all laughed at me. ‘C’mon, Bob, take the pushpin out of the map,’ they said. Now I can put a second one in! Who’s laughing now?”

Hagar the Horrible, 8/8/11

Ha ha, it’s funny because murder and theft are very profitable!