Post Content

Crankshaft, 5/4/14

Sure, Crankshaft’s relentless punning is irritating, but I think his forced little joke here has some solace for Keisterman. It’s true that his body is failing and that there’s nothing he can really do to permanently ease the pain of his bum shoulder; but at least he can take solace in the fact that his shoulder won’t literally die before he does, that he won’t be forced to go through his last years toting around a mass of necrotizing flesh and bone. This is the Funkyverse, Keisterman: The pain means you’re alive.

Heathcliff, 5/4/14

We interrupt this fiesta of filth to point out the unsettling fuzzy green figure in panel five, whom I assume to be beloved Sesame Street muppet and trash-can dweller Oscar the Grouch. As a quick Google Image Search will show you, even on the rare occasions when we see Oscar’s feet, they’re protruding from the bottom of his aluminum home. I’ve always assumed that he was like a hermit crab, with a borrowed exoskeleton necessary for survival during the adult phase of the life-cycle of his species, and so seeing him naked and unprotected like this is extremely disturbing to me.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 4/29/14

Good news! After being somehow hypnotized by Mary into trying to take Wilbur back, Iris is accompanying Wilbur back to Jerry’s Sandwich Shop, and she promises that the date will not end in shouting and recriminations, this time. By the way, the “crime” Wilbur refers to is not the awkward end to their last Jerry’s encounter; it’s the vicious man-on-sandwich violence he perpetrates there, lunch and dinner, every day of the week.

Heathcliff, 4/29/14

In 1993, the Butthole Surfers came played a concert in my hometown of Buffalo, and the Buffalo News (hilariously, to me) refused to print their name, referring to them only as the “B------- Surfers” throughout their review. I realize this makes me sound like an old person, but it is interesting to see the evolution of what’s considered “kid-friendly” by the print media industry. Anyway, I find this panel’s depiction of a group of children cheering as Heathcliff spray-paints “POOP” on a wall completely believable, as little kids think the word “poop” is endlessly hilarious and are also probably too young to be properly terrified by a literate cat who walks on its back legs and can operate a spray can.

Dennis the Menace, 4/29/14

“No matter what your thoughts on the matter, our marriage is inevitable!” “I’m not sexually attracted to you!” Brrr, Dennis the Menace has reached Lockhorns level of emotional menace.

Post Content

Crock, 4/27/14

Normally, of course a “ladies always bitch and moan about guys leaving the toilet seat up, amiright fellas?” punchline is the worst kind of hackery, but I’ll say this: as a follow-up to a panel where a man dreamily imagines a future where hyperintelligent machines will tell us when and where we are permitted to void our bladder and bowels, it came as a blessed relief.

Heathcliff, 4/27/14

As a befits an untouchable god-king, Heathcliff swiftly and brutally punishes any thoughtcrime that takes place within his realm.