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Better Half, 3/15/14

Don’t ask Harriet, Stanley — she gave up on dreams long ago. Didn’t mind the format so much; just got sick of the programming.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/15/14

What passes for joy in the Funkyverse: He’s Not Really Dead, Part IV.

Herb and Jamaal, 3/15/14

The Reverend Croom has figured out Herb spits in his food.

Heathcliff, 3/15/14

Oh man, is that a cat thong in the middle there? The neighbor lady looks pretty horrified; I bet it’s a cat thong.

Between Friends, 3/15/14

OK, so this is Between Friends, which mixes joke-a-day and soapy arcs about the lives and times of three middle-aged women and should therefore be called Among Friends, but that’s not important right now. There’s an unfulfilled stay-at-home mom and a frazzled working mom and childless divorceé Maeve here, finishing up a whirlwind European vacation and wrenching final breakup with her ex-husband by visiting her company’s Paris office and trying to gin up a glam new international job. So you can apparently do a lot more with the whole “3 Girls” concept than orphan deer and off-panel plane crashes, even when everybody’s Canadian.

Hey, I’m filling in during Josh’s mostly-annual Spring Trip West through Sunday, March 23. Let me know if the site starts acting up on you and I’ll do what I can to fix it: uncle.lumpy@comcast.net. Enjoy!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mark Trail, 3/13/14

Haha, so, obviously I was right about Marlin being a terrible nogoodnik, and since he’s a Mark Trail villain he’s also a moron, keeping meticulous photographic records of him and his buddies doing illegal things. It seems Jessica isn’t implicated in the nefariousness, though; presumably this sinister, silent army of pelicans that she’s nursed back to health has been trained to obey her every command and will unleash hell on the boyfriend who betrayed her trust.

Heathcliff, 3/13/14

Wow, so Heathcliff’s dad isn’t the only one in the family who’s an actual convicted felon! It actually minimizes my respect of Heathcliff as a notorious badass that he feels like he needs to kiss his parole officer’s ass like this. Look how badly he’s sweating! Is he afraid he’s going to fail his drug test?

Slylock Fox, 3/13/14

The relationship between sapient predator and prey animals in this strip is not, in my opinion, adequately explored, though today’s Six Differences offers some tantalizing hints. Based on that wolf’s facial experession, I’m guessing he’s watching some kind of sleazy porn for carnivores. “Oh, my,” says the pig, as he slowly unbuttons his tuxedo, “I certainly am feeling plump, juicy, and succulent today.”

Dennis the Menace, 3/13/14

Wow, congrats, Dennis, you’ve actually summoned up a fairly disturbing scenario I hadn’t contemplated before! If I had to guess, I’d imagine something like this?

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Oh my goodness, it’s a new site design! Your eyes do not deceive you: I’ve tweaked the design of the site, by which I mean that the amazing Adam Norwood tweaked the design of the site, after I gave him vague and sometimes contradictory instructions on how to do it. In addition to a refreshed look that features fewer ads per page, the site also has a couple minor functionality improvements. When you want to check out older posts by date, either using the menus at the top of the page or on the advanced archives page, there are now separate menus for month and year, so you don’t have to hunt through an enormous 120-entry drop-down list. And comments on older posts are now visible! (I had turned off the ability to comment on posts older than ten days, because I was getting waves and waves of comment spam there, but that had the negative side effect of hiding the old comments from view; now you can glory in comments from yesteryear once again.)

Anyway, if the site looks weird or jumbled on your screen, it may be because your browser has cached the old version of the site; please hold down the shift key and reload the page a few times, and if that doesn’t work, try deleting your browser’s cache. If you’re still having problems, email me at bio at jfruh dot com, and be sure to send a screenshot and tell me what browser and operating system you’re using.

OK! Now: comics!

Mary Worth, 3/12/14

Look, just because I haven’t been featuring the current Mary Worth Tommy storyline on this blog daily doesn’t mean I don’t wake up every morning and give thanks for it to Karen Moy, Joe Giella, the Hearst Corporation and its wholly owned subsidiary King Features Syndicate, Inc., and whatever God(s) may be responsible for any of the previously mentioned entities. Today we have Tommy returning to the art form that is truly his métier: the unnecessary thought balloon. Remember when he got arrested and thought-ballooned “groan”, presumably keeping silent so as not to further antagonize the enraged populace? Well, today, he’s willing to get a little petulant about his mother’s overbearing attempts to make Wilbur his personal headhunter, but he won’t cross the line into full-on sass and say “sheesh” aloud.

Spider-Man, 3/12/14

It’s obviously not at all surprising that J. Jonah Jameson has become drunk with power and is now glorying in his new supervillain/hero status. But turning his back on photography and print media to bask in the adoration of TV news? That’s just cold. That’s a betrayal of his own embattled industry. At least he’s not clicking through slide after slide of the “Iron Jonah Foils Tank Heist” slideshow on the local Patch site.

Heathcliff, 3/12/14

Heathcliff’s word-helmets are getting increasingly abstract.