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Slylock Fox, 7/30/13

Longtime readers know that I’m intensely interested in the moment in the Slylockverse’s history when the animals achieved sentience and rose up to overthrow their human oppressors. While I’ve speculated that there’s a rational, scientific explanation for the beastocracy, I’m also open to the idea that one day the animals simply awoke and, with the intelligence gap closed, overwhelmed humanity with sheer numbers. Today’s Six Differences strip hints at this possibility. “Wait a minute,” the big long-neck bird suddenly realized with perfect clarity. “I don’t have to sit around waiting for what crumbs this guy is going to bestow upon me. I can just yank the whole bag out of his lap and have it all for myself. See ya, chump!” As the man watches the bird walk off in blank terror, the other birds, only a few seconds behind in their emergence into sentience, begin to descend.

Heathcliff, 7/30/13

Speaking of terrifying animal scenarios, Heathcliff is usually the king of sang-froid, and I think this is the first I’ve seen him in a state of genuine panic. And well should he be! The prospect of dogs gaining the power of flight thanks to magic urine-powered hoverpads ought to terrify everybody.

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Dick Tracy, 7/17/13

When we last checked in with Moon Maid, she was fleeing to Dairyland after her attempt to return to the moon ended in failure. Given the traditionally Chicago-centric world of Dick Tracy, it seemed reasonable to assume that this was a reference to the nearby great state of Wisconsin. But today’s strip makes it seems like she’s wandered into Berlin circa 1945 instead. Is this the scene of a typically violent Dick Tracy storyline’s denoument? Is America’s greatest lawman just leaving ruined buildings in his crime-solving wake?

Mark Trail, 7/17/13

“If isn’t them, I don’t care, though. Fuck otters I don’t know personally. I hope he makes them into hats.”

Heathcliff, 7/17/13

“Also, your ‘tires’ are perfectly two-dimensional circles, somehow resting on their infinitely thin edge. Why aren’t they slicing through the pavement as if it were butter?”

(That “birthday” in the title is my birthday, by the way. I am 39! Enjoy today’s post while I mourn my lost youth.)

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Hagar the Horrible, 7/16/17

You know, somewhere among the many, many posts I’ve written about how Hagar the Horrible whitewashes the Vikings’ well-documented history as bloodthirsty murderers and thieves, you might start think that I’m missing the joke, which is that the whole point of Hagar’s pillaging strips is to contrast the general good nature of the characters with the actual historical carnage. I promise I’m not! I just think it’s funny to reverse it back to a more realistic configuration. I do sometimes wonder though if even the toilers down at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC have forgotten about the strip’s central conceit, but I take installments like today as pretty strong evidence that they haven’t. “Ha ha, the people who live here sure care about their landscaping! Let’s hack them to death with our swords, steal all their stuff, enslave their children, and burn their castle to the ground.”

Spider-Man, 7/16/17

Whew, you guys, Spider-Man was saved from unmasking by a combination of his spidey-sense and the quick thinking of his antagonist’s mom. It’s cool to see our noble hero being totally unable to let this thing go. “Will this curious little scamp grow up to be a murderous supervillain? Probably! Will I have to kill him to keep the world safe? Almost certainly! Can’t wait!”

Heathcliff, 7/16/17

As we’ve discussed, the venerable Heathcliff is a secret hotbed of surreal whimsy these days. Sometimes, though, it’s just jokes about birds shitting on you.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/16/17

“And I paid this nice lady with the camera-phone to record it! Just pretend she’s not here. But, you know, make sure she can always see your face.”