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Suburban Fairy Tales, 4/9/25

I made a fairly embarrassing error in my post about Suburban Fairy Tales a couple days ago, in which I implied that the second little pig built his house out of straw, when any idiot knows that that was the first little pig’s thing, and the second little pig built his out of wood, which is a more normal way to do it but apparently still leaves you vulnerable to wolves. Anyway, this has me really second-guessing myself when it comes to fairy tale lore; like, I don’t think there’s a beloved hippie sheep character named “Sir Lambelot” that we all learned about from bedtime stories growing up, but can I really be trusted about this sort of thing anymore?

Herb and Jamaal, 4/9/25

It’s true, Jamaal: when assessing the viability of a business plan, you need to take into account the price of production inputs! Not sure if that’s “funny” per se, but at least it’s educational.

Dennis the Menace, 4/9/25

So Dennis thinks that chairs, and maybe other pieces of furniture, are weird fucked-up-shaped animals, that we kill and then sit on? And most but not all of them are vertebrates? Pretty menacing. Ignorant, but also so unsettling as to be pretty darn menacing.

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Gil Thorp, 3/26/25

A thing about getting old that is absolutely a cliche but also 100% true AND also something that you can’t really understand until you experience it is that time really does feel like it goes by faster. It seemed to me that Luke went from Gil’s rival to his faithful retainer in the blink of an eye, but it’s been two and a half years since he came on the scene, so maybe these arcs really have run their course. Maybe it makes sense that now he’s just a schlubby guy in a polo shirt and khakis saying stuff like “You know what I learned from Coach Thorp? That it’s cool to lose, actually,” and it’s not setting up a sick burn where he says “because Coach Thorp is a loser!!!!!” Anyway, at least we have Coach Gerard‘s endless enmity! At least we have that!

Herb and Jamaal, 3/26/25

Politicians, generals, warlords! Know that if you’re planning some new armed conflict, anywhere on earth, the Herb and Jamaal published on March 26, 2025, will apply, thanks to its carefully crafted ambiguity. Perhaps just seeing this strip will make you think twice about unleashing the horrors of war, knowing such a cutting commentary was prepared for you, in advance!

Mary Worth, 3/26/25

OK, yes, fine, here’s Wilbur delivering a spit take so vigorous it shakes his combover out of place, prompted by the idea that he might be on the verge of doing sex to a lady in such a way that she would derive pleasure from it. I know I should be chortling with glee, but I’m not feeling it, OK? Not the way I was when I thought Wilbur had died. I guess I’m really more a thanatos guy than an eros guy, when it comes to Wilbur.

Pickles, 3/26/25

I definitely haven’t reached the “bothering to learn the characters’ names” stage with Pickles — and, Lord willing, I may never get there — but I am taking a shine to Grandson Pickles, just based on this strip. I like how he’s not letting his grandmother shake him off from this line of inquiry. What if someone died, Grandma? What if you died, right here in the living room? Would they still call it that? Because you wouldn’t be living in it anymore, if you follow me.

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Herb and Jamaal, 3/13/25

Ha, no, see, Herb’s mother-in-law, “doomscrolling” just means when you keep going through your social media feeds on your phone, hoping for a little glimmer of something positive but instead only finding bad news that makes you increasingly gloomy. It does not mean the thing where you’re on your phone and you suddenly get a vivid and detailed vision of your own future death, but then just as quickly that awful omen vanishes from sight. I mean, I can see why you’d think that’s what doomscrolling might mean, what with it offering you premonitions of your own doom and all! But it doesn’t really happen often enough for people to give it a name, I don’t think. Does it, uh, often happen to you?

Mary Worth, 3/13/25

Dawn, there’s no need to be condescending to your old dad, he is not “pen pals” with a nice lady he met on a tour of a collectable spoon factory or something, he met a woman at an all-inclusive resort and they fucked for two weeks and now he’s messaging her using his computer or phone, both devices that have cameras built in just in case the light and friendly banter takes a turn towards the naked, and if you choose to continue to live in this house you will have to get used to that idea.

Gearhead Gertie, 3/13/25

“She’s actually just pretty much unhappy all the time, and quite frankly it’s difficult to live with.”