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Part of my job here as second-string comic blogger is to watch for developments in the comic-strip universe outside Josh’s King Features-centric orbit, for readers dying for commentary on oh, say, Between Friends or Phoebe and Her Unicorn. You’re welcome!

Herb and Jamaal, 8/31/21

You bet, Herb—try a lot of overanalyzing, that’s the ticket!

Breaking Cat News, 8/31/21

As the Sage once said, “Breaking Cat News is a subject about which reasonable people may disagree.” I keep it on my daily list as a sweetener after hatereads 9 Chickweed Lane and Luann, and before I try to decode Nancy. But I understand the perspective of people who can’t get used to the art—is that watercolor?, or who find the one-note “cats report the news” theme as confining as Kevin and Kell‘s “carnivores and prey try to get along” schtick. If you want to make up your mind in a hurry, dive into the catlady abyss of the strip’s GoComics comment thread.

For the record, though, that is exactly how bluejays converse.

Take It from the Tinkersons, 8/31/21

This is a family strip that gradually went all Dick Tracy on us. Tinkerson père Ted has agreed to wear a wire on Joe, his Sales Manager, for the FBI. Joe is suspected of killing several of Ted’s sociopathic ex-boss Helen’s beaux, among whom he apparently numbers Ted the latest. Only Joe and Ted’s wife Tiff could possibly think this of milquetoast Ted, which is why I hope Joe and Tiff hook up and Ted murders them. Take that, Lockhorns!

Pearls before Swine, 8/31/21

Uh-oh. Better put that flag at half-staff in anticipation.

And hey, panel two violates the “180°” rule and changes Goat’s “How come?” from “How come you ask?” to “How come they sent him?”

Assassinating Rat, or the joke: which is more heinous?

It’s like magic!

If you just gotta gotta have your daily dose of Mary Worth, Funky Winkerbean, or Mark Trail, may I recommend strip specialists Mary Worth and Me, Son of Stuck Funky, and The Daily Trail for deep dives into fan favorites.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Blondie, 9/18/17

Sometimes I wonder about the Bumsteads’ relationship. They have a sweet romantic backstory: Dagwood gave up his inheritance to marry flapper Blondie (née Boopadoop) for love. And they seem affectionate — kisses in and out the door, shared bed, respectful and brief arguments, even if Blondie seems to get the upper hand more often. No Lockhorns-grade emotional desert, that’s for sure. Still, I’m just not feeling the spark, y’know? Arlo and Janis, Walt and Connie, Darryl and Wanda, Henry and Alice, Frank and Nancy, Ted and Sally; hell, Gil and Mimi — you know those folks got it going on, right?

Maybe 87 years together sands off the highs and lows? Or having a pair of teenagers underfoot since oh, say, 1958 puts a lid on intimacy? Maybe living so long in the public eye encourages an excess of modesty? Not for me to judge.

Anyway, every once and a while like today a co-worker will open a window to the cauldron of longing, passion, and betrayal raging just outside Dagwood’s matrimonial bubble, and it leaves him pensive: Is he missing out on all the excitement? Could Blondie be stepping out on him like that? Did he blow a chance to bang this guy’s wife?

9 Chickweed Lane, 9/18/17

Erstwhile Catholic schoolboy Amos van Hoesen checks his list to see if there’s any sacrament, commandment, or sacred tradition he and his new bride have not yet reduced to a sexual fetish.

“Nope — we’re good, babe!”

Herb and Jamaal, 9/18/17

For this joke to work, you have to believe that Herb a) remembers his wedding year, b) can subtract, and c) hasn’t aged since the strip ran five years ago. Even so, Sarah’s estimate seems way high.

Isn’t it adorable that Herb’s coffee gets mad when he does?

Curtis, 9/18/17

Some guys find dress codes an unbearable affront to their dignity — I guess Curtis is one of those guys; I guess Greg isn’t. But jeez kid, don’t call your father a corporate stooge after all those years he put in at the DMV. He’s a government drone, and don’t you ever forget it.

— Uncle Lumpy

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B.C., 5/12/16

A common and amusing thing you see in Victorian-era English translations of ancient Greek literature is that sexual terms are translated into Latin, the logic being that if you were educated enough to know Latin, you were presumably morally sound enough to read 2,000-year-old dick jokes purely out of literary or historical interest, but we don’t want the unwashed masses reading Aristophanes and getting aroused, now do we? Anyway, I have to assume that’s the logic behind this strip getting through the editorial process: by the time you’ve learned that “coprolite” is fossilized feces, you’re presumably past the age where this punchline would make you gleefully shout “It’s funny because he touched a doody!” at anyone within earshot.

Beetle Bailey, 5/12/16

You know how Beetle Bailey adds a new character every decade or so to glom in the most awkward way possible onto trends that the strip’s creators only half understand? What I’m saying is that 2016 is probably the year Camp Swampy gets its newest recruit, a vaping soldier named Private E-Juice.

Herb and Jamaal, 5/12/16

Yes, Uhuru is praying

praying to her insect god

SPREAD YOUR CHITINOUS WINGS, O CHITTERING ONE

I YEARN TO BE TAKEN UP TO THE GREAT HIVE