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Herb and Jamaal, 7/19/13

Wow, I’ve been reading Herb and Jamaal for something like ten years now and I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen Herb make any comments about his wife’s inability to cook. But whatever, it’s an infinitely relatable joke (as are jokes about hot airline meals, which haven’t been served on domestic coach flights since 2005 or so) so why not just drop it in here? Haha, women, am I right? They can’t cook, even though they’re the ones who are supposed to cook! Herb and his live-in mother-in-law run a restaurant together and presumably have some degree of culinary skill, so it totally makes sense that Herb has been seething with resentment over the dinners his wife makes them for years now.

Family Circus, 7/19/13

I genuinely, non-ironically love the dubious way Jeffy is regarding the business end of that golf club. He knows that thing’s coming for him, coming for his big, tempting, oversized target of a head. He doesn’t know if it’ll happen now or a week from now, doesn’t know if it’ll be on purpose or just because Billy likes swinging things around and doesn’t really care who or what he hits, but he knows trouble’s brewing.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/19/13

“You can let even one of your dearest friends believe that you’ve ever spent a single solitary second caring about whether he lives or dies! He’ll think you’re ‘funny.'”

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Herb and Jamaal, 7/12/13

Herb’s mother-in-law is a fallen angel, cast out of Heaven after she and her evil confederates attempted to rebel against the Almighty.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/12/13

The introduction of flatlander science into Hootin’ Holler could have radical implications for the lives of the community’s inhabitants, which is why Maddy’s boy will probably be burned at the stake by the end of the week.

Dick Tracy, 7/12/13

“I know cigarette smoke could really irritate a throat injury, Dick, so just say something if you don’t want me to light up. No? Nothing? I’ll just take your silence as permission!”

Blondie, 7/12/13

It’s kind of sad when your real name is more embarrassing than “Pastrami Guy.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 7/12/13

Grimm would like to “take a personal day,” for sex.

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Gil Thorp, 7/5/13

Well, this is it: I am officially allowing myself to get excited about the Gil Thorp storyline, seeing as it’s going to be about the colorful history of professional wrestling! See, Oldguy McFisticuffs is Herk the Mauler, and is a former pro wrestler, as is his son, who apparently has some connection to Gil, so it’s WRESTLEMANIA until football starts! (Not literally.) (WrestleMania is registered trademark of World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc.) Can you believe we had (I think, I’m not going to bother going back to check because they were soooo boring) two summers in a row about golf when we could have had wacky tales of regional wrestling from back in the day? Pro wrestling is genuinely fascinating, a weird combination of athletics and improvisational theater with a complex vocabulary, and it did indeed emerge from regional scenes in the middle of the 20th century. Anyway, when Herk wasn’t being a heel in whatever the regional wrestling equivalent of the Valley Conference was, he was “Johnny Blaze” “out west” in a wrestling scene that did as little as possible to mask the sport’s homoerotic undertones.

Herb and Jamaal, 7/5/13

You know, if I were going to do a joke about someone who always speaks her mind and has a hard time holding her tongue, I probably wouldn’t have her deliver the punchline in thought balloon form. But Herb and Jamaal chose a different path.

Mark Trail, 7/5/13

Rusty and the Otters: A play in one act

RUSTY: Don’t wander off, adorable otters!

ADORABLE OTTERS: [Immediately wander off]

FIN

Apartment 3-G, 7/5/13

You know, if I were going to do a plotline about one of my soap opera strip characters trying on a bunch of fancy clothes, I probably would actually depict her wearing some of the fancy clothes instead showing her in between bouts of fancy-clothes-trying-on, wearing the same boring clothes she always wears. But Apartment 3-G chose a different path.

Mary Worth, 7/5/13

Oh, man, Toby does not want to go on this vacation with Mary, you guys.