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Herb and Jamaal, 4/16/13

Ha ha, people sure do enjoy putting silly comments and cat pictures on their Facepages, and then we all read them on our … wait, what are Herb and Jamaal looking at exactly? A briefcase? Do they have the Internet on briefcases now? For looking at our Facepages? I guess Herb and Jamaal, as usual, are way, way ahead of the curve. (BTW I haven’t mentioned in a while but if you want you can follow me on your briefcase on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, or Google+! WARNING: I WILL POST SILLY COMMENTS AND OCCASIONAL CAT PICTURES)

Mary Worth, 4/16/13

Not even the Mary Worth narration box can commit itself to something interesting happening to Beth this week. “WHEN BETH CAN’T BRING HERSELF TO CALL TOM, SHE DECIDES TO GO TO THE STORE … WHERE FATE MAY HAVE OTHER PLANS FOR HER! THEN AGAIN, IT MAY NOT! WHO CAN TELL! PROBABLY SHE’LL JUST COME HOME WITH A BAG OF GROCERIES AND WATCH TV THE REST OF THE NIGHT WHILE HER MOTHER TRIES TO READ! ONCE IN A WHILE SHE’LL SIGH HALF-AUDIBLY!”

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Herb and Jamaal, 4/13/13

The only thing Herb and Jamaal loves more than eschewing concrete nouns is rerunning the exact same joke every few years, so you’d think the last thing it would do would be to make a joke about a very specific television program that aired only a couple of weeks before the strip was published. I guess a mildly accurate recounting of the Bible from the same cable channel that brought you Ancient Aliens generates enough excitement to break longstanding strip traditions! Anyway, obviously Hip Young Reverend Whose Name I Forget is referring to the actual Bible in the punchline, but wouldn’t it be a bazillion times funnier if he were talking about this, which is a real thing that exists?

Apartment 3-G, 4/13/13

Oh, man, New York’s hot, devil-may-care governor is so intensely interested in having sex with Lu Ann Lu Ann’s art-classes-for-veterans’-kids charity that he isn’t even bothering to talk to anyone else at this party. This quickly establishes his personality (i.e., we now know he has sent a non-negligible number of pictures of his penis to lady constituents via various electronic communications platforms) and also saves the strip artist from the terrifying prospect of drawing a crowd scene.

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Funky Winkerbean, 4/11/13

So Lisa’s Story has been picked up for direct-to-TV movie fame for big bucks, and I have to admit that I’m of two minds about this. On the one hand, I find the unrelenting grimness of the Funkyverse fairly awful, so I suppose I should be glad that some good has actually befallen the characters. On the other hand, Les is smug and intolerable and now I actively enjoy seeing him tortured. So I’m now rooting for this story to end in crushed dreams as Funky Winkerbean plots inevitably do. Sorry, Cayla, you seem nice but then again you married Les so you clearly have problems. I don’t care if the bad thing that happens is Les being forced to rewrite Lisa’s Story in a way that betrays the memory of his beloved dead wife, or if he gets swindled by his agent and loses all his money, or if he and his whole family are killed by a runaway police horse at the movie’s gala premiere; I just want suffering.

Herb and Jamaal, 4/11/13

All right, we know that Herb and his mother in law have a troubled relationship, but I’m very disturbed that she sits silently in the corner of his dentist’s office while he’s undergoing oral surgery, watching, remembering. “You don’t see me, Herb,” she thinks, “But I see you. I see you.”

Mark Trail, 4/11/13

Mark sure is looking awfully confident in panel three about his plan to get his outdoorsy, cabin-dwelling wife and Shelley Thompson, about whom he knows nothing except that she’s rich and doesn’t care for the outdoors, to make friends with each other! “I’ll bet Shelly has the same parts that Cherry has that are different from my parts! I’m sure they will have a lot to talk about!”