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Slylock Fox, 11/16/15

Yeah, I’m going to go ahead and say the answer to today’s mystery is a little grim. “When the animals rose up and seized human civilization, they gained control of our machines without fully understanding the legal and social safeguards we had built up to protect ourselves from the dangers of what we had created! In the first few years of the Forest Government regime, the roads were littered with corpses.”

Apartment 3-G, 11/16/15

Hey guys, a certain extremely handsome comics blogger was quoted in a New York Times from last week; the author of the article also managed to get a definitive statement from King Features that Apartment 3-G is going away at the end of the week. Now that you know that, aren’t you glad that the strip is spending at minimum a seventh of its remaining time in newspapers resolving the whole thing where Margo’s mom was being swindled by a psychic wedding planner? WE CAN SLEEP EASY NOW.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/16/15

Good news! The board has rubber stamped Heather’s Milton’s decision to not sell the company, and is about to expel Hugh to boot. This is actually good for him, because as an outsider he’ll have an easier time suing the entire board for corporate malpractice, when it becomes public that all the stuff he’s saying about his father being medically unfit and the company being run by a nanny are completely, 100% true.

Mark Trail, 11/16/15

OK, we all had fun with all the punching last week, but I’m going to go ahead and say that Ken calling his fist a “lullaby machine”, because it renders so many people unconscious by inducing brain trauma, is a little disturbing. I’m assuming that while Mark is prattling on about shoes in panel two Ken is kissing each of his knuckles, one by one.

Hi and Lois and Family Circus, 11/16/15

Billy and Ditto are generally depicted as nothing but surly and unpleasant in these strips, so I’m just going to assume that all of today’s dialogue is extremely sarcastic.

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Apartment 3-G, 11/12/15

Welp, looks like now that ol’ Greg is riding into town with his James Bond money, Eric realizes he can’t compete in terms of providing Margo with all she ever wanted, and so he’s out. He and Greg aren’t even going to talk to each other! Because if there’s one thing we all wanted as this storied strip rides into the sunset, it’s a complete lack of conflict of any kind.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/12/15

If you need more evidence of how desperately poor Hootin’ Holler is, check out today’s strip, in which the community’s chief law enforcement officer can be bribed for a mere $5.

Hi and Lois, 11/12/15

“Don’t be ridiculous! Now you just lie immobilized in bed and look at these huge blank posters I’ve hung around your room until your mind goes empty.”

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Hi and Lois, 10/31/15

I’m gonna pass over the extremely half-assed costuming going on here (hey guys, zombies have rotting flesh and they don’t speak English, this is wholly inaccurate) and point out that Thirsty is looking pretty rough. Glowing nose, multi-day beard growth — and wouldn’t Irma normally be the one handing out candy? I’m assuming she left him and he’s been on a multi-day bender ever since.

Mark Trail, 10/31/15

Awwwwwwwwww yeah, another boat explosion in Mark Trail. That’s the stuff, baby. Keep it coming. Keep it coming.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/31/15

YEAH GOSH WHY WOULD THE HEAD OF SECURITY SIDE WITH HUGH INSTEAD OF MILTON

SO HARD TO FIGURE OUT

MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE MILTON IS VISIBLY NON COMPOS MENTIS AND HIS WIFE JUST CHANGED ALL THE COMPANY PASSWORDS, THROWING THE WHOLE BUSINESS INTO CHAOS

WHEREAS HUGH HAS THE BACKING OF THE COMPANY’S SHAREHOLDERS

I DUNNO, I’M JUST SPITBALLING HERE