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Mary Worth, 5/11/11

Oh, Dr. Drew, it looks like your lady-dumping technique still needs work! The bored florist may have convinced you that this sad, overpriced mishmosh he threw together quickly is a genuine “Let’s Just Be Friends® Bouquet,” but I think any lady who sees you show up at your door with flowers in your hands is going to find some mixed messages in your breakup speech.

But! Not to worry, folks: Liza is sure that she and Drew are going to do more than talk tonight! Assuming that she doesn’t have an extended game of charades planned, that means that she likes nonmarital nonprocreative sex, like Charley, which in the world of Mary Worth makes her one of history’s greatest monsters, whose feelings need not be taken into account.

Hi and Lois, 5/11/11

This would be just another lame Hi and Lois strip among so, so many if not for Trixie’s gobsmacked expression as she crawls away from her bickering siblings. She’s not commenting wryly on their contentious ways; she’s suffering visibly from the free-floating anger in the house that she encounters whenever she leaves her “safe space” in front of the living room window, where she is generally blessedly ignored.

Spider-Man, 5/11/11

“Their banter … is giving me reason … to live again … so witty … almost like … watching TV…”

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Crock, 5/2/11

Ha ha, someone thought that underage scat porn used as an instrument of torture was a good theme for a comic strip! Sure, why not?

Crankshaft, 5/2/11

It sure makes Crankshaft’s half-assed attempts to sexually harass hapless customer service personnel seem positively quaint by comparison.

Spider-Man, 5/2/11

This whole “human vampire” business has worked itself out in even sillier fashion than I could have imagined, with Dr. Morbius’s fiancee accidentally becoming a real vampire in order to understand her beloved’s fake vampirism. The only logical hole out of many I’ll point out here: wouldn’t Dr. Morbius, wracked with guilt over his faux-vampirism, have noticed his fiancee’s vampiric tendencies? “Say, sweetie, would you like to go out for dinner? I’ve got 6 o’clock reservations!” “Let’s make it 9, so that I don’t have to leave the apartment when the sun’s still up. Also, they serve blood there, right? You know I subsist entirely on human blood now.”

Also, regarding the last panel’s NEXT box, it probably wouldn’t be so much a race against time if Peter had woken up when MJ first got into trouble, several hours ago.

Panel from Hi and Lois, 5/2/11

Was baby Trixie from Hi and Lois not on your list of characters who filled you with dread? Well, that’s changed forever now, I’ll say.

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Mary Worth, 4/23/11

Uh oh, it looks like Liza’s plan to seduce Dr. Drew, which was going so very well, has hit a snag. Dr. Drew is a sexy doctor, very much in demand for the ladies, and his attitude appears to be that he does not have to put up with people who pass off quotes from 15-year-old movies as their own woo-pitching. Either that or he suspects that Liza might actually be Tom Cruise, wearing a very clever disguise. Anyway, I hope the two of them work this out quickly, as they’re standing in the middle of the street and are liable to be hit by a car.

Hi and Lois, 4/23/11

Aww, it’s nice that Trixie is finally learning about full-throated marital hatred! Her parents are far too passive-aggressive in their attempts to emotionally destroy one another for someone her age to really get it.