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Thanks for your generous contributions to the Comics Curmudgeon Fall 2010 Fundraiser! Haven’t given yet? Hurry! Thank you!

Blondie, 9/23/10

Blondie launches an unprovoked, totally unjustified attack on the Comics Curmudgeon Fall 2010 Fundraiser! Boy, you’ve got some nerve, Blondie! Just wait ’til Josh gets back from vacation — just you wait!

Judge Parker, 9/23/10

Oooh, this is promising: L’il Judge Randy’s packin’ heat! OK listen up, Judge Parker — Chekov’s gun is now officially on the table, and we expect either a) incompetent mayhem by a public official with collateral damage to innocent victims, or b) sexy target practice with CIApril Bowers involving sexual innuendo, leg silhouettes, hair-shaking, and nuzzling. Nuzzling, dammit! Deal? OK, now deliver!

Hi and Lois, 9/23/10

Atop the Salmon Throne of Ranch House Doom in the deepest suburbs of Mordor Meadows, the Dark Lady summons her thrall: “Hi, honey! Oh, nothing much, just thinking of you! Ash nazg durbatulûk, sweetie, bye for now!”

Mark Trail, 9/23/10

Mark submits articles to Woods and Wildlife but is apparently not a subscriber. Time to call Woods and Wildlife Editor Bill Ellis: “Say, Bill, I have a question about those stories I keep sending you! Do you ever publish any of them?”

He’ll be heartbroken to learn that his “Nature Journalist” job is just a fiction his occupational therapist Cherry cooked up to get him outdoors and keep his mind off his massive head injury and memory impairment. No matter: he’ll call Bill again tomorrow, just like always.

Give generously to the Comics Curmudgeon! Hey, c’mon, I figure nothing ventured, nothing gained! Am I wrong?

— Uncle Lumpy

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Hi and Lois, 6/15/10

I will admit that, weak little bit of 1950s-era wordplay though it is, the fact that Hi and Thirsty’s employer is named “Foofram Industries” or whatever amuses me. However, before today’s strip, I had always just assumed that the company was some generic and modest white collar concern. This strip seems to indicate that, even before this planned merger, Foofram is corporate giant, with employees filling two skyscrapers, one of which is decorated with the enormous word FOOFRAM, proudly proclaiming the founder’s name to pedestrians below and to the Fooframers in the other tower. (Do you think that both buildings have FOOFRAM signs, so that employees in both buildings are constantly reminded of the man to whom they owe fealty?) Anyway, I think at this point it goes without saying that I hope that the post-merger combined company keeps the Foofram name. It’s a very strong brand!

Beetle Bailey, 6/15/10

Although its only the shoe-chewing whose aftermath we see, the “mess” in “mess up his floor” is clearly code for peeing and/or defecating. And yet Otto is wearing undershorts! Is Sarge so dim as to think that wearing pants magically potty-trains a creature? Because it doesn’t, Sarge. Just think of how full those boxers must be! Sarge is a terrible pet owner! No wonder Otto looks so sad.

Spider-Man, 6/15/10

Oh, look, it’s a set-up for one of the very worst kinds of Spider-Man plot developments (yes, there are worst kinds): some pointless thing sends Peter Parker into a downward spiral of inadequacy and sullenness vis-à-vis his relationship with his wife and his perceptions of his own masculinity. Whee! We’ll have much time to dwell on this, but for the moment I just want to point out that both Parkers are !ing in panel three, which I find cute.

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Hi and Lois, 5/17/10

As obsessive comics readers know, Hi and Lois have four kids, none of whom are in college, which makes their “UConn Dad/Mom” shirts kind of confusing. Is it possible that, since nobody in the family ever ages, they actually have a phantom fifth child off in Storrs, perpetually in his or her sophomore year and never mentioned ever since s/he decided to waste his/her life and the Flagstons’ money on a French lit major. It’s also possible that Hi and Lois has just experienced a Funky Winkerbean-style time jump, and that Chip is now away at school, Dot and Ditto are hitting their awkward adolescence, and Trixie is being traumatized by Sunbeam’s refusal to follow her into her windowless kindergarden classroom. This, I suppose, is the sort of disorientation that casual Funky Winkerbean readers, those who didn’t follow the trade press’s reporting on the upcoming temporal leap forward, experienced when they opened up their paper and discovered that Les and Funky and the gang were 10 years older. (The trade press did not bother to report on this event in Hi and Lois because nobody, not even people who cover the newspaper comics industry for a living, really cares all that much about Hi and Lois.)

I note also that Lois the realtor, realizing that this family of poor saps is selling off their car in order to provide a better life for their children, might be close to cashing in on the family home as well, and naturally her professional instincts are kicking in. The real estate industry: profiting from, and causing, America’s financial problems for most of the 21st century so far!

Curtis, 5/17/10

It’s 99 percent certain that this is not going to be a “Curtis and Barry find their parents’ sex tape” storyline, but this is the strip that brought us the syrup chapter, so we can’t be sure. Until all is revealed, I will merely point out for your interest that Curtis is so dedicated to hip-hop as a genre that he apparently owns a poster extolling not some specific artist but rather the abstract concept of rap.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/17/10

Due to its isolation, Hootin’ Holler is years behind most of America when it comes to pop-culture trends. For instance, streaking is only now starting to catch on there, a full 35 years after its heyday in the rest of the country.