Post Content

Hi and Lois, 2/5/09

Ditto’s teacher’s enormous grin probably indicates that she’s on some kind of serious mood-altering medication, which, seeing as she’s Ditto’s teacher and all, God bless her for it.

Crock, 2/5/09

Ha ha ha, fat character created solely to be the butt of fat jokes! Let’s string together a bunch fat jokes about you! No, they don’t actually have to lead into each other logically. Say, has anyone pointed out to you that you’re fat?

Family Circus, 2/5/09

“Certainly not for unsophisticated, derivative trash like this. Why, you couldn’t get a gallery show in Peoria with crap like Running Man In Hat in your portfolio!”

Mary Worth, 2/5/09

“You helped Lynn by talking through her problems with her … and helped me with that incredible nine-hour sex session last night, which the comic syndicate censored but which I’ll imply by gently resting my hand on your shoulder!”

…

What? What? Did I blow your little minds? The way Mary blew Frank’s mind, last night? OK, I’ll stop now.

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/31/09

“Good lord, June,” you may be thinking, “Why do you hound Rex so?” Look at the broken man before you in panel one, having been totally browbeaten into joining some kind of foolish search all over this drifting, barely-crewed ship for a probably non-existent child. Surely June isn’t doing it because she cares about little lost children or anything, or because she wants to assuage her own child’s fears, since that would require a degree of empathy that we know she lacks. No, panel three tells the story: it’s only after she completely breaks Rex’s will over some unrelated matter that he will agree to lie there and submit to her advances. June’s getting lucky, for certain extremely depressing definitions of “lucky.”

Hi and Lois, 1/31/09

The Flagston family’s turn to cannibalism will be swift and, from the reader’s perspective, gratifying.

Marvin, 1/31/09

Marvin’s family’s turn to cannibalism will be swift, even more pointless than the Flagstons’, and, from the reader’s perspective, extremely gratifying.

Post Content

Slylock Fox, 1/18/09

Slylock has been called upon to solve some pretty petty crimes in his day, but never before have we seen him use his powers of ratiocination to compensate for the utter incompetence of his sidekick. And Sly is all smiles and soothing hand gestures, but perhaps some of the ancillary matter in the bottom row of the comic — a penguin cheerfully toting a wide-eyed and terrified fish off to its doom, and a slavering, fanged bear — represent what’s going on in his mind: a desperate hope that one of the many predator animals in the bucolic scene will devour Max and leave him free to find a slightly less moronic assistant.

Panels from Hi and Lois, 1/18/09

The throwaway panels in today’s Hi and Lois are particularly bizarre, with Hi responding to a pleasantry from his wife with rambling, paranoid nonsense. In the second panel, she is clearly closing her eyes and thinking happy thoughts about Chad, the 23-year-old ski instructor.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/18/09

“Yes, when my dad shows up at practice every day, silently and intently watching me and other nubile young teenage girls work out, it sure makes me want to delay having sex … forever, since I plan to flee to Southeast Asia, join a Buddhist nunnery, and take a vow to never speak to another human being again in order to escape him.”