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Hi and Lois, 11/19/19

Yes, the joke is that “Ha ha, what if an … unlikely person used social media, wouldn’t that be something” (I guarantee that just about every garbageman in America has at least one social media account), but the real story here is Hi. Why does Hi feel compelled to come out at some ungodly hour of the morning to talk to the guys who pick up his trash? Isn’t the whole point that you put it out at the curb the night before and then they pick it up as they come by? Today he looks particularly miserable to have been forced by his pitiless Creator out of a nice warm bed to be the wordless sounding board for a terrible “PHONES, amiright folks” joke. It must be particularly galling that he could just look at this picture on Instagram whenever he wanted, at his leisure.

Sam and Silo, 11/19/19

Ha ha, the town’s only cops are sexually aggressively pursuing local women, as is their wont! “Like in a horror movie,” one of the women says, “but in this case, it’s true.” What a fun, whimsical strip!

Mary Worth, 11/19/19

The bouquet of roses is apparently Wilbur’s go-to “NOOOO, TAKE ME BACK” move, but this time around he decided to have them delivered rather than just attempting to ambush her with them — a wise move to avoid immediate, face-to-face, extremely funny disappointment.

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Hi and Lois, 10/16/19

Because I’m both a comics obsessive and a transit obsessive, I’m reasonably sure that the only time we’ve ever seen Hi on the subway was during this non-canon crossover event. That tells me that Hi is not on his typical commute, which I assume usually takes him along the auxiliary interstate highway that connects his pedestrian-hostile suburban subdivision to the pedestrian-hostile office park where Foofram Industries has its regional HQ. But not today. Today, Hi has abandoned his car in the parking lot of the outermost stop on the regional transit system and is heading into the city to vanish forever into his new life. This phone call will just serve to postpone by a few precious hours the moment when Lois realizes he’s not coming back and starts calling the cops.

Mary Worth, 10/16/19

Wow, remember back in the ’00s, when downtown Santa Royale was a bleak slum full of thugs and fallen women where Mary was terrified to venture? Well, as in many cities, it became an outpost of Santa Royale’s boho arts community, who were attracted by cheap rents and embraced the aesthetic of the grit they helped displace, leading normies to conclude that the neighborhood was “getting better,” with in turn brought us here, to the final stage of gentrification: tech millionaires living in huge townhomes that take up almost an entire lot, which they presumably demolished the Downtown Women’s Shelter to build.

Judge Parker, 10/16/19

“Then I remembered that we’re, like, bonkers rich! Remember that time we bought an RV on whim that we didn’t need or even really want? So yeah, go ahead and build like three more commercial structures on our vast compound if you want, whatever.”

Funky Winkerbean, 10/16/19

“That’s why I had Bull murdered and made it look like a suicide! Wait, did I say that part out loud?”

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Gil Thorp, 10/14/19

Well, well, well, looks like we’ve hit the part of this Gil Thorp storyline where the threads we’ve been following to this point weave together to form a seamless narrative whole. In this case we’ve got “Charlie’s overbearing stepdad will help his football prospects whether Charlie wants his help or not” and “what exactly is the deal with the mysterious elder sophomore Chance Macy, anyway,” and the connection is that Chance is a sophomore star and Charlie, a junior, is his backup, and Charlie’s stepdad is going solve the mystery and leave Chance discredited to clear the path for his not-as-good-at-football stepson. Chance lives with his grandparents and there have been some hints that he has some kind of temper (just like that transfer baseball student from a couple years back), and today we learn that Chance and Charlie are apparently the same age despite Chance now being a year behind. I think the answer is clear: Chance murdered his parents in a fit of rage, which is why he’s being raised by his grandparents and also that’s the sort of thing that’ll get you held back a year, probably. Now we’ll find out if Milford can stomach the prospect of winning a championship with a murderous running back! (The answer is clearly yes.)

Hi and Lois, 10/14/19

“I’m glad these helpful informational screens are built into this gas pump,” she continued, speaking loudly enough for any hidden microphones to hear. “It’s good that we’re being bombarded with celebrity gossip 24 hours a day! I don’t like thinking about bad news! I’m very happy!”