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Archive: Judge Parker

199

This is the most unwell plugger I’ve ever seen, which is honestly saying something

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Pluggers, 9/15/25

A friend of mine in Baltimore, widely known for always looking younger than she was, when asked for her secret said, “Never make a noise when you bend over to pick something up,” something I think about all the time as I hit increasingly pluggerish ages and inevitably make noises when I bend over to pick things up. Anyway, today’s Pluggers is on this theme, but I like the way they’ve taken the suggestion and turned it into a little story about a woman who’s just trying to enjoy a football game but instead has to watch her husband drop dead as he attempts to get out of a chair.

Crock, 9/15/25

The thing about using the rule of three when you’re writing a joke is that while it’s true that the first two of the three should be similar enough to form a pattern, they shouldn’t literally be the exact same thing. Maybe my standards are too high, but I think if you’re doing a comic about how the French Foreign Legion is full of nefarious criminals, you should be aware of at least one other crime over and above jewel thievery!

Judge Parker, 9/15/25

“Anyway, just like Pilate, I’m washing my hands of him. He was the good guy in that story, right? It would’ve been more dramatic to do this right in front of Alan, obviously, but we were at a restaurant and trying to get him to go into the bathroom at the same time as me would’ve been weird.”

186

She can also swim, I guess, but that seems pretty normal

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Mary Worth, 9/14/25

So, adding to the list of Olive’s Known Powers: she can predict the movements of air conditioning units, she can “see” people “in front” of her, she can remember her past lives, assuming she’s surrounded by artifacts from the appropriate era, and she can … talk to animals! This is the best one, honestly. I definitely want her to talk to Libby and Pierre so we can finally get the full and detailed list of their grievances with Wilbur.

Pluggers, 9/14/25

Pluggers are in pain all the time. Pain! Pain! They hope that they may receive some reward in the end to compensate for their suffering — wisdom, perhaps, or divine favor — but know in their heart of hearts that such hope is probably in vain.

Panel from Judge Parker, 9/14/25

Today’s Judge Parker pretty much covers the same story beats as yesterday’s, but the larger Sunday format allows for this truly incredible Cinemascope panel of Neddy about to chomp down on a hamburger. I’m sure this sort of thing “does it” for some of you, erotically speaking, and I wanted to make sure you all got a good look at it.

169

Life is very long when you’re Blondie

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Blondie, 9/13/25

Blondie began in 1930, in a world now mostly alien to us, but it was originally a story about urban hipsters: a young woman who the artists imbued with every characteristic of trendy youth culture, and her beau, the slumming, dissolute scion of a wealthy family. You could see a scenario where the strip tried to stay true to those origins while updating to match the changing cultural specifics over the ensuing century. But that’s not how things actually work: instead, a strip’s readership ages and wants something different, and their creators age alongside them. That’s why Blondie in the year 2025 is your go-to for the pettiest boomer gripes about everyday suburban life imaginable, put into the mouths of characters who have completely forgotten that alien world and in their current form have never been cool a day in their lives.

Judge Parker, 9/13/25

Meanwhile, in Judge Parker, Neddy, who was never cool even when she was living in Los Angeles and trying to break into the entertainment industry, has returned home in failure and shame. Abbey has tried to soften the blow by turning their dining room into a simulacrum of a fast food restaurant so Neddy doesn’t feel trapped and isolated on the Spencer Farms compound, but the staff has been unable to reproduce the crispy-edged “smashburger” form so popular in LA, and Neddy is not having it.

Six Chix, 9/13/25

In a strip where people dry-hump sandwiches, the idea of ghostfucking seems frankly pretty tame. It’s like a Gothic novel! There are literary antecedents!