Archive: Judge Parker

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Crock, 6/1/25

Imagine if you petitioned Almighty God for a full accounting of all the evil you’ve done in your life. This is information that He, being omniscient, has at His fingertips, and, moreover, because He is omnibenevolent, he reveals your sins to you as a spreadsheet, the most perfect and versatile data presentation and manipulation format ever created. I usually hate on Crock, but I gotta say, as a real Excel head, I’m a fan of this one.

Panel from The Lockhorns, 6/1/25

A very realistic touch here is that in this pose the lithe yoga girlies have their foot fully up on their thighs, demonstrating a level of flexibility that Leroy and Loretta have not yet achieved. It’s not realistic that Loretta appears to just be having a conversation with Leroy at full volume in the middle of a packed yoga class, but I find it very funny nonetheless.

Judge Parker, 6/1/25

Oh, are you tired of Judge Parker strips where the characters just hang out together and whine about their various problems? Well, what if there was a strip where they hung out together and whined about refusing to talk about their various problems, huh? Would it make it any better if pretty horses were involved?

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Judge Parker, 4/22/25

Wow, Sophie, remember when one of your friends got mildly kidnapped back when you were a tween, and you got all revved up about the idea of the kidnappers getting killed by a CIA missile drone because wars interest you? Now you can’t even handle watching one little murder on some grainy footage from a commercial drone. College really has made you soft.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/22/25

Huh, I have vague memories of Rex seeing a patient a few months back and saying “Welp, looks like you’re dying, so I don’t see much point in drawing out your visit, my staff will give you the relevant paperwork,” but I don’t seem to have mentioned it on my blog, so, good subtle world-building, Rex Morgan, M.D.! Speaking of subtlety, I like the composition of this panel: Summer and Auggie standing, anxious at being in the presence of an admitted killer, while said killer was like “Say, that looks like a comfy chair to plop down into while I wait for the cops to come and take my terminally ill ass to prison … don’t mind if I do!”

The Phantom, 4/22/25

Wow, we really are still talking about the Mozz Prophecy/”Death of the Phantom” arc that’s been happening on and off but mostly on for eight years now, wild stuff. At least we’re carrying on the beloved Phantom tradition of the Ghost Who Bathes carrying on plot-important conversations with his wife while enjoying a steamy natural water feature while fully nude.

Dennis the Menace, 4/22/25

Not sure if either the traditional “Civilization was smashed and Europe was plunged into a thousand years of barbarian darkness” or the more nuanced “In Italy in particular, Roman civilization outlived the Roman state and was transformed in an evolutionary way rather than being snuffed out” answers are even slightly appropriate for kindergartners here, but that’s very clearly some kind of tourist guidebook the teacher is holding rather than anything educational, so maybe this lesson is about how there are cheap airfares to Italy during the winter and the weather is still fine for walking around the city most days, so that’s why you all had a substitute teacher for most of February.

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Hi and Lois, 3/22/25

“Wow, my wife/mother sure is a BALLBUSTING HARPY” is one of my least favorite genres of domestic comic strip, but I gotta say, Hi and the kids can’t have been talking for more than, what, 10-15 seconds here? And Lois is already demanding they return to their assigned manual labor tasks. She is being unreasonably intense about this, I think we can agree.

Judge Parker, 3/22/25

Big news: Sophie has requested, and apparently been granted, a cushy job helping run her rich boyfriend’s family firm’s charity arm. She just needs to know a few things first, mostly that, like pretty much every charity arm of a rich family’s privately held company, she’ll mostly be doing money laundering and tax evasion stuff, and occasionally writing four-digit checks to whatever crackpot cause some of the wackier relatives are into. You’re cool with that, right Sophie? That’s where your heart lies, pretty much?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/22/25

Doc Pritchairt is in fact very much not a dentist. Not sure if getting him to swear an oath is going to mitigate that fact, but honestly it couldn’t hurt (unlike his attempts at dentistry, which are going to hurt quite a bit).