Archive: Judge Parker

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Gil Thorp, 2/25/25

Keri Thorp has been struggling with an eating disorder, and apparently their therapist has recommended equine therapy. Did you know that horses are prey animals? Did you know that some clinicians believe that you can overcome the psychological issues associated with eating disorders by channeling your “inner wolf”? Did you know that the Milford teachers union negotiated a very generous health insurance package for its members, with particularly comprehensive mental health coverage for educators and family members? Step 1: You get to know horses and their weaknesses in a controlled environment. Step 2: You’re parachuted into the Mongolian steppe. Step 3 gets a little messy but I think you can see where we’re going with this.

Judge Parker, 2/25/25

Wow! That sure sounds interesting! If only this were a visual medium, and we could’ve seen some of that action, instead of just seeing other people reacting to it and then hearing Sam Driver describing it while staring manfully into the middle distance. Maybe we’ll also learn third-hand how this 100% illegally obtained evidence entered the official record of Anne’s case, if we’re lucky!

Herb and Jamaal, 2/25/25

Herb commits any number of sinister deeds during the course of his day, and can only live with himself by dissociating at night, as if all that evil were the fault of someone else entirely. It’s sad, it really is!

Pluggers, 2/25/25

Man, I always thought one of the perks of being a plugger would be a blissful lack of self-awareness and self-reflection, but I look at this plugger’s face! He is reflecting upon himself pretty hard and does not like what he’s become aware of as a result.

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Andy Capp, 2/21/25

Among the strips I’m starting to revisit is Andy Capp (never forget: ANDY CAPP!), and of course, there’s an important question one asks when starting to read this beloved British comics institution after the better part of a decade: is Andy Capp still a drunk? He’s a drunk, right? That’s his whole thing? Today’s strip, in which we learn that Andy would rather die horribly than spend his precious beer money on professional services of any kind, affirms this timeless truth.

Dennis the Menace and Bizarro, 2/21/25

One of my comics pet peeves is characters saying stuff they would never actually say (or having it implied that they said it moments before the in-strip action) just to set up a punchline. Take today’s Dennis the Menace, for instance: Surely a mail carrier would be much more likely to ask “Is he friendly?” or “Does he bite?” in a scenario where he’s encountering an unfamiliar and unleashed dog, as that would be relevant to his professional interests. Why on earth would he care about the dog’s peeing/pooping situation? I was planning on going on a whole diatribe about how cartoonists are simply obsessed with peeing and pooping, but then I read today’s Bizarro and immediately thought “Wait, is the implication here that Jesus drinks water and pisses out wine? Because that’s what the ‘In’/’Out’ labels pretty heavily imply to me,” so you know what, maybe I’m part of the problem.

Archie, 2/21/25

Reggie Mantle generally gets a bad rap, as he primarily exists in the Archieverse as an antagonist for our pals, but you know what? He’s absolutely in the right here. Is the student newspaper a joke to you, Jughead? Some of us are trying to learn about the practice of good journalism here!

Judge Parker, 2/21/25

Being best college buds with Sophie seems like fun — like, you get invited to bumpin’ party weekends out in the Hamptons. There are downsides, of course — like, said party weekends involve discovering corpses — but you have to take the good with the bad. Still, I don’t think it’s right that Sophie made Reena watch dronecam snuff footage without any warning or even anything fun as a lead-in (having to hang out with Randy Parker does not count as fun).

Daddy Daze, 2/21/25

Oh, Daddy Daze daddy, you and I both know that none of that ever happened! Why would you lie to your son about this?

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Dick Tracy, 2/17/25

Not sure if America was in the mood for the Dick Tracy storyline just concluded, about how the families prominent in our civic and financial elites are getting Nazi-curious about their Nazi ancestors. But has there ever been an era that wasn’t up for a good corpse-napping story? Dr. Hart here is pissed about an attempted corpse theft and she wants Neo-Chicago’s top cop on the case! Only he can track down the perpetrators! And, of course, if the notoriously trigger-happy Tracy were to produce more corpses in the course of his investigation, bringing more business to the morgue … well, that would just be an added bonus.

Judge Parker, 2/17/25

Look, I’m fine with Sophie acknowledging that there are few things less interesting to a college-age girl than her dad’s middle-aged dude friends, but I draw the line on her deciding to just stop engaging with Spener-Driver-Parker antics altogether. Sophie, we already have a comic strip about a blonde college student doing blonde college student stuff, it’s called Luann and (as I am reminded now that I have violated my blood oath and started reading it again) it’s pretty dire. You need to get in there and start hacking that drone footage! You’ve got an audience to entertain here and “doing your homework” or whatever is not going to cut it.