Archive: Judge Parker

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For Better or For Worse, 6/27/2008

OK, after a full week of this, we get it: Michael’s a brat and Elly’s overwhelmed. But how on earth do those other comic moms do it? Let’s go see!

Curtis, 6/27/2008

Oh, you do not mess with Diane Wilkins — Curtis knows it, Greg knows it, and I’m willing to bet God knows it. I give author Ray Billingsley a lot of richly-deserved grief, but his characters act like people. Who doesn’t know — and secretly fear — a force of nature like Diane?

Funky Winkerbean, 6/27/2008

Linda Lopez-Bushka is quieter, but no less effective. Jinx has been thwarting Bull’s incompetent attempts to bond, so Mom shows them both how it’s done. And engineers a pleasant summer in a quiet house with the soaps on and her feet up.

Crankshaft, 6/27/2008

With this strip, Crankshaft finally reaches the lower limit of what can reasonably be called “wordplay.” Jeff Murdoch there is Ed Crankshaft’s son-in-law, an ineffective, self-pitying drudge who hates his vicious harridan of a mother, yet is moving her into his home, possibly because it’s the only way he can cause her pain. It’s true: Ed Crankshaft is the comic relief in this strip.

Gah, I can’t close the week on that note! Let’s see some bonus panels!

Family Circus, 6/27/2008

Yes, Billy, and “LAME” is an adjective. But look how the tyke’s melon head has grown, and the mouth with it! A few months more and its blackness will consume the entire frame, matching the artwork to the captions at last.

Judge Parker, 6/27/2008

Judge P. comes back after eighteen months and promptly leaves on vacation. Who does this guy think he is — Josh?

— Uncle Lumpy

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Hey, it’s Fashion Week on the funny page, and here come the Judge!

Judge Parker, 6/26/2008

Well! Since he returned last week from his mysterious eighteen-month retreat, the fashion world has waited breathlessly for their first peek under the robe of our own Judge Alan Parker. Speculation has been nonstop, and wild! What will we find under that robe he wears night and day? His pyjamas? Nothing at all? Mrs. Parker? Now the mystery is revealed, and . . . well, he can close the robe back up. Really, Judge. Go right ahead.

Judge Parker, 8/7/2007

Of course, Judge Parker holds court for more than just the latest styles: look to the House of Parker for tips on fabric care, too! Like this one: to achieve her casual “off the rack” look, wine-country fashionista Trudi lightly steams her ribbed tops over the grillwork of a 1955 Buick Roadmaster!

Mary Worth, 6/26/2008

And would any Fashion Week be complete without an appearance by our First Lady of Fashion, Mary Worth? Here, Mary appears in a simple but elegant romper, set off by her ever-present pearl choker. Mary’s appearance this year is marred by controversy over rumors she’s invited a new partner into her circle, displacing her partner of many years, Dr. Jefferson Cory.

Mary Worth, 7/4/2006

Not long ago, Cory occupied a prominent place in Mary’s circle — but tonight there’s a table for one at the Bum Boat with his name on it!

Luann, 6/26/2008

Finally, let’s look in on fashion’s own Odd Couple. Just minutes after his close escape, TJ is back in his cool, casual, classic look — and back to looking out for number 1! And while Brad’s ensemble may say “World War I Doughboy” on the outside, he’s showing the world he’s Pillsbury Doughboy on the inside!

Hey, what are your comic fashion picks and pans?

— Uncle Lumpy

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Judge Parker, 6/22/2008

Well, speak of the devil and he appears! The distinguished-looking gentleman in panels two and five is the Honorable Alan Parker, Judge of the mumble mumble Court of mumble mumble in Parkerville, ST. He’s in the (endless) process of retiring, and when we last saw him — on November 28, 2006 — he was helping his son, Randy “Work it like a claw” Parker, campaign for his seat on the bench.

As early as the 1960’s, the Judge had grown too respectable to be involved in any kind of action — rough-and-tumble P.I. Sam Driver took care of that end of the business. Now similarly neutered, Sam patronizes his secretary, ignores the advances of beautiful women, and passes the action torch to Steve Shannon.

This happens all the time in serial strips:

  • Funky Winkerbean‘s Harry Dinkle is promoted, gets a performing arts center named after himself, and lands a sinecure to help him out in retirement. You can practically hear the choirs sing when he descends to offer Stumpy some sage advice
  • Steve Roper and Mike Nomad kicked Steve upstairs and gave Mike all the wet work
  • For Better or For Worse canonizes every Patterson family member or friend over the age of 21 (sorry, April). Mike and his pals Gordon and Weeder are absurdly successful based on no talent or work we ever get to see
  • Rex Morgan, MD‘s Rex and June just drive around, chat, and witness other folks’ adventures
  • Why do authors build strong characters over years, only to turn them to plaster saints? Thank heaven Dick Tracy still keeps his hand in the game.

    Flash Gordon 6/22/2008

    Zonino! Who knew this was still being published? And with a special guest appearance by King Features superstar Mary Worth in the first two panels!

    — Uncle Lumpy