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Maybe it’s the approach of yet another announced “sell-by” date, or the challenge to “knock [its author] off the page”, but suddenly everybody in the comics is trying to muscle in on the territory of For Better or For Worse. And since the funny page is such a vicious nest of vipers, every strip has picked out its own vulnerability to exploit:

Judge Parker, 7/1/2008

“Twenty-five thousand and one dollars, Sam, not a penny less! Real money, too — I mean Canadian dollars.”

Spider-Man, 7/1/2008

Meanwhile, Spidey hones his use of wordplay as a substitute for plot development. With his back to the audience and botched delivery, he looks like a strong contender to snatch Foob‘s crown.

Sally Forth, 7/1/2008

The Forths’ strategy targets the famed Foob flashback technique. Sorry, Forths — yours is still far too effective to compete.

Mandrake, 7/1/2008

Hey, look who’s here! Mandrake retains the egregious stereotyping of founding author Lee Falk, but it’s not aiming for The Phantom, or even Foob. With its dapper hero, hot babe, and low-water-pressure storyline, this strip has Rex Morgan, MD squarely in its sights.

Hey! Too much comic goodness for just one post today — stay tuned!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Fists aplenty as the new week explodes with action! Let’s dive in:

Judge Parker, 6/30/2008

“Cheatham House” is a good choice to publish this novel — there may be rough bloody justice on the dust jacket, but it’s 400 pages of contract negotiations on the inside. Manly stalwart Sam Driver is up to the task, with the proviso he won’t have to kiss any icky girls.

Mark Trail, 6/30/2008

“Unpredictable” Kelly Welly closes the deal on a week of foreshadowing, planting good Moss Green in the good green moss.

The Phantom, 6/30/2008

Ghost-who-trespasses got some ‘splainin’ to do.

Dick Tracy, 6/30/2008

Dick’s high tech is stymied again, and all he can do is wave his tiny fist in panel 2. He’s the Ted Forth of crimefighters.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Luann, 6/28/2008

We readers get to see TJ “Jheri” Rictus lookin’ forlorn every six months or so. It helps us tamp back the rage. But merciful heavens, one panel is not enough. Not nearly enough.

Dick Tracy, 06/28/2008

Dick’s been congratulating his own clever self on his 1337 crimefightin’ skillz for a couple weeks now, only to be undone by the night janitor. Is that why he’s moping in a mere “squad room” today, instead of his jaunty “squad pod”?

9 Chickweed Lane, 6/28/2008

Okay, um, Seth neglected Mark while scolding Edda for breaking up with Amos, so Mark, hurt, hinted darkly at infidelity, creating a rift Janice now tries to exploit. Mark values revenge against Seth, whom he loves, but protects the integrity, which she lacks, of Janice, whom he spurns. These people are unclear on concepts like “love”, “revenge”, and — most of all — “gay.” On the other hand, they have “middle school” nailed.

Apartment 3-G, 6/28/2008

Ah. The perfect trio to discover Alan in narcotic déshabillé back at the gallery — Margo for rage, Jack for muscle, and Gabriella for histrionics. Madre de Dios, we’re in for a good time next week! But first — cake!

Judge Parker, 06/28/2008

The second in our series: Who does Judge Parker think he is — Michael Patterson?

— Uncle Lumpy