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Archive: Judge Parker

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Sam should be thrilled that he can finally just throw money at this problem

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Judge Parker, 11/20/21

So, see, the mayor has been launching a vendetta against Abbey, falsely accusing her of burning down her own B&B in both the court of public opinion and also the actual court system. But his deputy mayor has evidence (which the mayor doesn’t know about) that Abbey actually burned down her own B&B, and he’s going to blackmail Sam over it. Got it? Make sense to you? Me neither, but I’m willing to just move along to the “Sam physically assaults and yells at people” stage of proceedings.

Mary Worth, 11/20/21

Hey, remember how Mary was Libby’s original owner, but she had to pawn her off on Estelle because it turned out Dr. Jeff was allergic to cats? I feel like the fact that Estelle is a person who’s acquired a collection of other people’s unwanted pets is a pretty good fit that with the fact that she’s on the verge of becoming a person who, on multiple occasions, has taken Wilbur back as a romantic partner after he’s made an ass of himself in public. The only thing that can save her from this fate now is Mary smugly informing her that only one pet per apartment is allowed under Charterstone rules, leading to her being evicted and blessedly forced to leave town.

Hi and Lois, 11/20/21

Hey, Hi, you ever consider not being a huge fucking downer all the time? Just a thought!

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Meltdown Monday

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/25/21

Do … do the good folks of Hootin’ Holler not know about air conditioning? The low-key single most important invention of the 20th century, which transformed the demographic geography of the United States? Do they not know that people are now free to move where they will in pursuit of good jobs, safe in the knowledge that they’ll be at least somewhat physically comfortable when they get there, working in factories or offices that would’ve simply been uninhabitable before the advent of artificial cooling? Do they not know they can leave?

Hi and Lois, 10/25/21

I really appreciate how wide-eyed Hi is with wonder in the second panel here. “Lois! I can’t feel them! I can’t feel anything! Now, what if there a way to do this … with my emotions.”

Judge Parker, 10/25/21

If Abbey gently resting her fingertips against her temple and muttering “I just can’t take it anymore, Sam” is coping, imagine what failing to cope would look like.

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Sam was actually banned from the coffee place because he kept telling them “funny” names to write on the cup

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Judge Parker, 10/24/21

OK, I just want to establish a few facts here. The reason Abbey is so upset is that, now that the mayor is publicly accusing her of insurance fraud, the whole town is turning against her and she got yelled at when she went up to the local Starbucks or equivalent. And yet look at what’s in our heroes’ hands: it’s Sam who’s drinking out of a paper to-go cup while Abbey is using a regular coffee mug she probably got out of the cabinet. In other words, even though she’s filthy rich, she’s happy to just drink drip coffee from the machine in her kitchen, while Sam insists that he simply must have his daily half-caf mocha frappuccino or whatever put together by a barista for $9. So, isn’t he the real villain here, for making Abbey brave the hostile public so he could get his dumb caffeine milkshake? I mean, Abbey sucks, but let’s not let that distract us from the ways that Sam also sucks.

Six Chix, 10/24/21

Keeping you up to date on “Six Chix is occasionally good in an opaque and baffling way” news: Today’s Six Chix is good, in an opaque and baffling way. Ha ha, the tunnel is full of fish! She won’t even be able to navigate her little rowboat in there, because it’s packed so full of fish! What a delight.

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/24/21

“Plus people find you weird and off-putting. They don’t want to be around you and definitely don’t want you at their wedding!”