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Archive: Judge Parker

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Soapy Saturday

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/29/19

Oh, by the way, I was right: it was chemtrails! And I can see the gears already starting to grind in Rex’s head about the Local Chemtrail Treatment Specialist. I certainly hope there’s a meeting of the minds, but I can’t decide if I’d rather see Rex portentously lecture this quack on medical ethics or become intrigued by the high profit margins and short working hours involved in offering treatments for ailments that don’t actually exist.

Mary Worth, 6/29/19

Well, the night is winding down and Mary and Dr. Jeff can agree that while it’s great for other people like Estelle and Wilbur to try new things (not projecting her fantasies onto a disembodied phone voice and not spending the evenings weeping in the shower, respectively), they’re going to stay in their comfortable rut of underspiced seafood, a semi-vigorous walk down the Santa Royale boardwalk, and some desultory thrice-monthly lovemaking. Can we start on another plot next week? Please?

Judge Parker, 6/29/19

Oh, Roy, I think you very much overestimate how much attention Alan pays to the identities of his social equals’ servants. Alan has never given a moment’s thought to “that homely gal Sam hired to help Abbey around the house” and he never will!

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Just downing a giant glass of red wine while creating some #content

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Dustin, 6/28/19

I’m on the record as saying that the Dustin picking-up-girls-in-bars strips seem wildly out of touch with the actual millennial experience of romance. But the fact that this young woman has brought her laptop to the bar on her evening out, presumably because she’s an semi-willing participant in the “gig economy” and the line between her work and personal life has been obliterated? And instead of having access to a professional IT help desk she needs to ask for tech support from random dudes in bars in order to keep the equipment she needs to earn a living in working order? That all checks out.

Judge Parker, 6/28/19

While we’re all waiting to find out who Judge Parker Emeritus’s prison patron is about to be, I want to draw your attention to whatever fruit our big beareded bruiser is holding. Is that a kiwi? Is Judge Parker Emeritus in some fancy prison where they serve kiwis? This is frankly unsatisfying.

Hagar the Horrible, 6/28/19

I’m very much enjoying Hagar’s smile in panel two. “That’s right lady, I give my wife nice things that I stole from royalty, who I rob and murder, I’m a god damned Viking and people better recognize.”

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Look at Dr. Jeff’s ancient phone! Whatta rube

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Mary Worth, 6/18/19

Oh, hey kids, in case you were wondering, the Mary Worth Estelle Gets Grifted storyline is still happening this week, and presumably will be until the heat death of the universe. Today I want to point out that if you knew Wilbur, and if Mary called you up and said “I have some news about Wilbur…“, you’d definitely assume it was bad news, right? Like he had cried himself to death, or went on a tour of the mayonnaise factor and “accidentally” got locked into the mayonnaise factory overnight and just when he was going to enjoy a single spoonful of mayonnaise fresh from the vat he slipped (on mayonnaise) and suffered massive head trauma? I guess Dr. Jeff is in for a pleasant (?) surprise.

Judge Parker, 6/18/19

Over in Judge Parker, the traditional social hierarchy is all upside down: Judge Parker Senior is super duper going to jail, but Marie, who you might recall decided to quit her job as the Spencer-Driver maidservant and take her chances in the outside world despite the gangsters who want her dead, is living her best life, in case you were worried about her! This time she’s relaxing at a tropical resort with a hunk who won’t fake his death, probably.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/18/19

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, drunk with power now that it got other syndicated newspaper strips to acknowledge its existence for a single day, is returning to a task it attempted and failed at back in 2014: making Bizzy Buzz Buzz, the manic Smif niece who loves to clean, happen. Folks, I gotta tell ya: Bizzy Buzz Buzz is not gonna happen!