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The Lockhorns, 7/1/05

Rarely has the Lockhorns been accused of aiding and abetting the cause of good taste, but consider this: this panel could have described (or, worse, depicted) whatever kind of accident it was that somehow involved Leroy’s tongue. Think about it — but not too long, if you value your peace of mind.

Folks, the future Mrs. C. and I are off for a long weekend in the somewhat sunny San Francisco Bay Area, where we’ll be partying with our Left Coast friends and taking in a patriotic 4th of July wedding. This feature will return on Tuesday the 5th, or, you know, thereabouts.

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The Lockhorns, 3/8/05

Today’s Lockhorns isn’t particularly cruel, but is notable: I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen Loretta in a good mood as a result of something Leroy’s done. I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and guess that she’s actually pleased that he’s going to get into shape, not because he’s just embarrassed himself in front of the himbo behind the counter. Leroy, of course, has no illusions about his chances of becoming buff; his own grim visage indicates not only his foreknowledge of his own personal failure, but also that he realizes that Loretta’s disappointment will be all the bitterer because her hopes were once ever-so-briefly lifted. Our muscled he-clerk, meanwhile, seems gripped by the soul-sucking listlessness that affects nearly everyone who has the misfortune to wander into the same frame as the Lockhorns. Presumably the two of them are so fundamentally unhappy that their ennui radiates off of them in infectious waves.

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The Lockhorns, 12/22/04

Many of you are beginning your trek home this week to spend time in the bosom of your screeching, dysfunctional families. In that spirit, I just wanted to share with you this panel, which distills the gloriously bitter Lockhorns down to their essence: I’m married to you, but you cause me pain! I think I’ve found my Christmas card for next year.