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Archive: Lockhorns

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You never want to miss a spit take

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The Lockhorns, 6/20/22

A fun thing to do with the comics (for certain limited definitions of “fun,” but those limited definitions are pretty important for a self-proclaimed curmudgeon of the comics genre, so here we are) is to try to work backwards from the scenario we see in any given panel to see how contrived the implied setup truly is. Like, at a fundamental level, why are the character where they are, other than “it’s necessary for this joke”? Today I’m particularly curious about why Loretta is hanging out in the (surprisingly spacious, considering her constant harping on Leroy’s low salary) bathroom with Leroy while he incorrectly takes his medicine, but standing with her back to him. The answer, I guess, is that she knew he would screw up this basic task of self-care and wanted to be there to enjoy that when it happened, but was idly looking at the toilet (?) until the proper moment, for plausible deniability. Normal people wouldn’t follow their spouses into the bathroom, of course, but I think we’ve long established that neither Leroy nor Loretta are normal, so I’ll let it side.

Pluggers, 6/20/22

Today’s Pluggers is great because it could plausibly be about how pluggers are continually baffled and agitated by virtually all developments in society since 1978, or about the fact that they are increasingly deaf. But, really, do we even have to choose? “Pluggers don’t want to hear you telling them about modernity and fortunately they can’t” is a perfect Pluggers caption, to me.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/20/22

“And if those superheroes kidnapped people at gunpoint, took them back to their filthy hovel, and got quack doctors to do experimental brain surgery on them, probably with whatever power tools were available? Truly that would be a utopia!”

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Two nices and a nasty

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Family Circus, 5/22/22

There’s “I increasingly find Pluggers relatable” old and then there’s “I unironically find the Family Circus funny” old, but I have to say, I unironically find today’s Family Circus funny. The punchline is good, of course, but I also enjoy how sad Billy looks. You’ve ruined his day, Big Daddy Keane! I was going to say that it’s OK for me to enjoy this Family Circus because of how mean it is, but maybe that’s why all the old people have always liked it. All those kindly grandmas cutting out the panels and hanging them on their fridge thinking, “That’s right, Billy, you’re an ignorant little shit, just like my daughter’s eldest.”

The Lockhorns, 5/22/22

I have, of course, been on Team Enjoying The Lockhorns Unironically since my youth, and I deeply respect that rather than phoning in Sundays with a single giant panel the creators instead deliver five separate individual weekday-equivalent panels, each with its own gag. This collection, like most Sunday groups, consists mostly of bangers: top right and lower left are the weakest but even these are passable wordplay; top left shows an actual awareness of how a newfangled social media thing works; middle is a moodily drawn glimpse into a sadly disordered mind; and bottom right is a great visual gag. At least there’s some consistency in this crazy, topsy turvy world, and it’s how much Leroy and Loretta hate each other.

Gasoline Alley, 5/22/22

Oh, has that all been too much sweetness and light for you? Fine: I will never say a kind word about Gasoline Alley. Never, do you hear me? Today’s strip features two senile old men talking nonsense to each other and neither of them can remember whether they’ve said it or heard it before, and is thus a perfect metaphor for the experience of reading the comic strip Gasoline Alley.

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Comics deal with the future (i.e., the present)

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The Lockhorns, 5/19/22

I’m pretty sure the first legacy comic to do a cryptocurrency joke was, shockingly, Snuffy Smith way back in 2015, although they just did a “bitcoin? what if a coin got bit? Wouldn’t that be funny????” joke. Nobody would ever accuse The Lockhorns of being innovative, but I respect that they wait until something like cryptocurrency has become a fairly well established part of our mental landscape before figuring out exactly how to fit it into its own internal universe. What they came up with is “Leroy has lost much of his paltry savings in the recent crypto crash but still keeps posting ‘HODL’ on Reddit and won’t shut up about crypto at parties,” which is 100% correct and I applaud it.

Blondie, 5/19/22

I was about to make an “Alexander, your father looks literally exactly like you, as if you were not sired by him in the normal human way but rather were grown in a vat from cells containing only his DNA, what possible reason do you have for saying he’s taking away from the quality of your social media,” but upon reflection I think the joke is about him smiling. Is … smiling bad now? Do the kids not smile anymore? Does Blondie, the strip that did a “You know what I miss? Chalkboards” gag two days ago, know more than me about acceptable facial expressions on Instagram? Truly this is one in a series of humbling moments.

Gil Thorp, 5/19/22

Climate change is accelerating, and you can find evidence of it everywhere. For instance, as the traditional saying goes, “Gil starts actually coaching in June, corn be heavy soon.” But it’s only mid-May and he’s already noticed one of his players is blind! Truly we are moving into uncharted territory.