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Dick Tracy, 11/26/20

Remember a few days ago, when I suggested this Dick Tracy plot would end with its bumbling villains drowning in a sewer? Well, in fact, one of them fell down a ladder in a sewer and terribly injured himself and was abandoned by his compatriot, who then inexplicably drove their getaway van up onto a sidewalk, causing the (unlocked?) rear doors to pop open and the valuable meteorite inside to plop unceremoniously out onto the street, which I have to admit is much, much funnier.

Six Chix, 11/26/20

American Pie, the teen sex comedy that broke all kinds of taboos by featuring a teen boy fucking a pie, is now more than 20 years old, so it’s no surprise that it’s now getting a gender-swapped reboot, in which it’s now an adult woman who fucks a pie, but also she and the pie enter into a long-term committed relationship, and then she brings the pie home to her family for Thanksgiving, and her family eats the pie, which you have to admit is a lot darker.

The Lockhorns, 11/26/20

Many Americans are pretty sad this year because they’re spending Thanksgiving with just their immediate family or perhaps alone. But if you’re in that position, console yourself in the knowledge that it really is just for this year, whereas Leroy and Loretta have Thanksgiving together alone with the person they hate the most (for Leroy that’s Loretta, and vice versa) every year, in this featureless void, for the rest of eternity.

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Shoe, 11/13/20

I’m honestly not exactly sure, but I’m assuming the punchline here is that the mayor is not, in fact, living the high life thanks to thrift and good financial planning? Usually when Shoe does a joke about a comically corrupt politician, the strip deploys Senator Batson Belfry, but since senators pull down six figures, I guess he wouldn’t really work for the joke. But look: do you really believe that Treetops, a town that isn’t exactly Hootin’ Holler but is definitely depicted as having seen better days, somehow has enough opportunities for graft that its mayor can “live like a multi-millionaire”? I mean, the Perfesser is at this official city government press conference sitting on a crate, and I assume he brought it in from home.

The Lockhorns, 11/13/20

It can be difficult to ascertain the full social context of any given scene in the Mostly Featureless Lockhorns Void, but it really seems like nobody else is as this “party” and that Leroy went to the trouble of getting party hats and a cake just to give Loretta this cruel card. I like that he’s stepped a few feet away from her as she reads it, to be sure that he’s fully out of her emotional penumbra as the message really hits home.

Anyway, what do you guys think is going on over at Pluggers? I’ve gotten over that whole chicken leg business, probably they aren’t dabbling in body horror anym–

Pluggers, 11/13/20

AAAHHH

AAAAAHHHH

AAAAAHHHHH

WHAT IS THAT

WHAT’s GOING ON

This can’t be right, right? This has to be some weird Pluggers man-animal chimera nightmare bullshit. I’m just gonna Google Image search “rhino teeth” and s–

JESUS CHRIST, this is even worse, what the fuck am I even looking at, that can’t be right, keep scrolling through the images, there has to b–

NOOO I HATE IT I HATE ALL OF IT WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING

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Folks, sometimes you look at the day’s comics and … you just can’t think of much to say about them! In fact, sometimes the most you can muster is, like the title says: three sentences about three panels.

Dennis the Menace, 10/14/20

Dennis said a cuss!

The Lockhorns, 10/14/20

Leroy’s mechanic talks about his car like it’s a human body — and because this is The Lockhorns, it’s not in a sexy way, like you might expect.

Pluggers, 10/14/20

“This right here is a plugger chat room,” pluggers say smugly, apparently not realizing that no non-pluggers have used or even thought about “chat rooms” for more than a decade.