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The Lockhorns, 9/25/20

What with his suburban lifestyle, his commute by rail, and his Jets and Mets fandom, Leroy has always clearly been a creature of Long Island. However, given that the Mets last won a World Series 34 years ago and yet Leroy looks not a day older today than he does in that photo, we must come to the terrifying conclusion that he’s a creature of another kind — namely, one that drains the life force of others in order to gain eternal youth. Perhaps the source of his energy is the hapless Mets themselves, which Leroy doesn’t even realize, which means that he can only continue to walk the earth as long as their on-field failure continues? This seems fully in line with his general cursed air.

Family Circus, 9/25/20

Jeffy, it’s not a question of how old you have to be as much as one of how smart you have to be. So, uh, good luck with that!

Mary Worth, 9/25/20

“Why sales? Have you done it before?”

“Uh…”

[SMASH CUT TO: TOMMY’S THOUGHT BALLOON]

Mary Worth, 10/5-12/04

“…no, not, uh, not really.”

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Hello everyone! I’m back and very grateful to Uncle Lumpy for his guest-blogging prowess … and extremely grateful for everyone who donated to the Comics Curmudgeon fundraiser! Individual thank-yous are, per usual, coming your way in the next week or so. And now, tanned, rested, and ready to take on … Dick Tracy? Sure, why not.

Dick Tracy, 9/14/20

Brenda Starr and Little Orphan Annie, two iconic long-running continuity strips, sadly came to an end in the last decade, but that hasn’t stopped Dick Tracy from still plugging along (because America likes violent cops more than it likes newspapers or orphans!) and gathering up its syndicate’s intellectual property into a Tribune Content Agency Cinematic Universe. Now Brenda is going to teach Annie and Dick’s half-alien granddaughter Honeymoon to write a journalistically rigorous feature article on … vampires? Sure, why not. I’m honestly surprised that the head of the University of Neo-Chicago’s Department of Ghouls and Draculas they’re interviewing isn’t named “Professor Stakes,” as that’s the sort of on-the-nose nomenclature this feature specializes in.

Crankshaft, 9/14/20

It’s a difficult environment out there for indie booksellers — especially when they have to compete against nice old ladies who operate unlicensed bookstores over their garage, flouting the ADA and any number of fire safety codes and just daring the city’s toothless permitting apparatus to shut them down.

The Lockhorns, 9/14/20

A lot about The Lockhorns, especially the fact that they spend most of their time in a semi-featureless void space, can be explained if you imagine that they’re kept captive in some kind of containment field, possibly floating in a sphere high above the earth, and the rest of the world watches a livestream of their dysfunctional antics for entertainment and/or as a cautionary example. In this alternate universe, journalists like Jake Tapper (?) comment on major milestones in their lives, and presumably everyone’s focus on them brings us together as a nation.

Mary Worth, 9/14/20

I was pretty dubious about Saul Helps A Tween Heal, but I am cautiously optimistic about Saul Woos A Giantess!

Funky Winkerbean, 9/14/20

Honey, just because you’re saying it louder doesn’t make it true

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Pluggers, 8/25/20

The old era of Pluggers has ended and a new one has begun! How will these new-look pluggers distinguish themselves from their predecessors? Well, pluggers have traditionally be depicted as hard-working blue-collar folks, whose very name comes from continuing to “plug” away reliably even though society’s deck is stacked against them. But new pluggers? New pluggers have realized they can just take a nap and they honestly don’t even feel bad about it! Plugging away at things is for suckers! I’m both excited to see where this strip is going and terrified at what pluggers will do now that they’ve rejected the societal norms that have served as guardrails for their behavior up to this point.

The Lockhorns, 8/25/20

Maybe it’s a bit odd, but I’m more willing to accept change in Pluggers than I am in The Lockhorns, who in my opinion are inhabitants of Levittown circa 1965 and should stay there and then, forever, and should definitely not be watching shows only available on streaming services. Anyway, that fence is nowhere near tall enough to block out spoilers, neighbor! Leroy may be a gnomish three feet tall, but he can still easily shout audible spoilers into your yard! The only solution is to enclose their entire property under an air-tight dome, which frankly you should’ve done a long time ago.