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Luann, 5/26/10

“Specifically, to the nunnery. I know we’re not Catholic, but take this pamphlet anyway; maybe you’ll decide to switch. Your brother has been resisting my suggestions, so I’m just going to have him kidnapped and forcibly tonsured.”

Gil Thorp, 5/26/10

I take back what I said yesterday; in no circumstances do I want to see any two persons or objects in motion in Gil Thorp attempting to interact, as today’s third panel proves that such an encounter can only end in the complete collapse of all of Euclidean space-time into chaos and madness.

Mark Trail, 5/26/10

So I guess the theme of this storyline is going to be “Sassy will be hit by so many cars”? I’m not particularly pleased with this. Why couldn’t it have been Rusty?

Herb and Jamaal, 5/26/10

Ha ha! Herb hates his marriage and wishes that he and/or his wife were dead!

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Mark Trail, 5/14/10

Even I’m not so heartless as to crack wise about sassy getting hit by a car yesterday. However, now that we know Sassy is STILL ALIVE and about to be taken to the vet by this overalled hero, I do want to hold up for derision Mark’s increasingly callous dismissals of Rusty’s wholly justifiable fears. Could this storyline finally reveal Mark as the unfeeling monster that he is? “Relax, Rusty, she’s probably trying to dig that old rabbit out of a hole! Or digging her own grave, because she’s going to die soon, alone and in pain! One of the two. Ha ha, this horse has a soft nose!”

B.C., 5/14/10

This might seem hard to understand in the setting of the strip, but remember that this is caveman times, and the tiny band of eight or so human characters we see in the strip are the only representatives of H. sapiens on the planet. Britain hasn’t even been invented yet, so pretty much all you have to do to create it is write “British pub” on a rock.

Luann, 5/14/10

“Come on, you don’t plan a thing like that! You just push down obsessive, intrusive thoughts about it and swear to yourself and everyone else that you’ll never do it, until you finally just let yourself get carried away in the moment and do it without protection with someone you’re not really comfortable with! It’s like you don’t know anything about how sex works, Tiffany!”

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/13/10

Today’s Snuffy Smith offers a sad commentary on the economic dysfunction deeply ingrained in America’s rural shantytowns. Like virtually everyone in Hootin’ Holler, Susie’s boyfriend has neither the skills nor the opportunities to acquire meaningful work, and presumably makes ends meet through some combination of government assistance and chicken theft. But far from being ashamed of her new beau’s lack of economic utility, Susie can only see that this makes him like all the other men she knows in this isolated, impoverished valley. If he did have a job of some sort, that would mark him out as unusual and possibly a threat to the social order, so she’s happy with him as he is, and the cycle of poverty continues.

It’s also possible that I’m misreading this, and that “does he have an occupation” is hillbilly dialect for “is he constipated.”

Luann, 5/13/10

In typical irritating Luann fashion, Luann and Quill have been discussing the question of whether the two of them will record some pointless CD of Quill’s crappy songs together, with about as much effort and angst going into the negotiations as was involved in the Camp David Accords. What possible good could come of this, we thought? But now — now! — we can see that payoff: a hilarious misunderstanding based on stilted, unnatural dialogue! HEY-yo! I look forward to all of Pitts High buzzing over the fact that Quill and Luann are TOTALLY HAVING THE SEX. There will be tears, rage, confusion, and, eventually, learning.

Shoe, 5/13/10

I’m not sure what exactly this is supposed to mean, other than the usual “Buzz the old man-bird is senile and belligerent and says hilariously inappropriate things,” but it did make me contemplate the fact that, since birds don’t have sphincters at the tail end of their digestive system, they just sort of poop uncontrollably whenever the urge strikes. Which means that the Bird Senate of Shoe-world is encrusted with bird shit at all times! As is every other setting in this strip! OK, now I’ve grossed myself out. Thanks a lot, Buzz.