Mark Trail, 12/13/11
Hey, guys, Mark Trail has a superpower! With a single command, he can turn lovable domesticated dogs into slavering attack-beasts that can take on a whole pack of wolves. It doesn’t matter if they have adorable names like “Andy” and “Princess!” They will be unstoppable!
Ziggy, 12/13/11
It’s true: Ziggy has always been a hairless, squat, pantsless, joy-killing gnome-thing, ever since the beginning of time.
Mark Trail, 12/8/11
Hi everyone! You’ve probably been wondering what’s happening in Mark Trail. WOLVES! WOLVES! is what’s happening. Panel two is one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen in this strip. Between Kelly’s huge eyes and flapping lapels and WOLVES!, I think I might even love it unironically. The fact that it’s heralding an epic bear vs. wolfpack fight is just icing on the cake.
Beetle Bailey, 12/8/11
Maybe Kelly Welly should have wandered into a gentler valley, like this one, full of animals that are the product of “scientists” doing “research,” as imagined by someone who isn’t really clear on what research entails or what scientists do or what animals look like. Ha ha, that one bird sure is boozing it up! That seems significant.
Mary Worth, 12/8/11
Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, this brutish ginger kidnapper-thug is going to perpetrate the most unspeakable crime anyone could imagine: he’s going to steal the sweater that Mary left at the diner. THE WOMAN ALREADY HAD HER PURSE STOLEN! HASN’T SHE SUFFERED ENOUGH???
Mary Worth, 11/25/11
My God, Toby is just not going to let go of this whole Mary-Worth-getting-pickpocketed thing, presumably because it’s the first time in her entire life at Charterstone that she’s gotten to feel even vaguely superior to Mary. Mary Worth, herself no slouch when it comes to dwelling on things beyond reason, is trying to move on — “Hmm, yes, it’s hard to keep track of things when it’s noisy, live and learn, I’m just going to close my eyes and enjoy this tiny spoonful of pie now” — but Toby, desperate to keep the focus on how much better she is at being robbed, is lurching into some weird faux-Buddhist territory. “Mary, the only way to not have one’s material possessions stolen is to possess nothing. Let’s give everything we own away to the poor, or, better, just set it all on fire in the courtyard!”
Mark Trail, 11/25/11
Oh ho, Mother McQueen, you’ve just tripped yourself up! We all know that there were at least two gold bands made: the one Mark found on a goose in Lost Forest, and the one a hunter found on a goose he shot near the Canadian border years earlier. This means one of two things: either Mother McQueen is lying to her new young friends so that they don’t find her gold mine, or that nobody, including the people who publish Mark Trail, can be bothered to keep track of the details of the plots in Mark Trail.
Apartment 3-G, 11/25/11
“I can’t wait to show Lu Ann the nursery for the baby she doesn’t know she’s having yet! Then, once her mind has accepted that, I’ll take her through this door into the traditional Linski Impregnation Chamber. She is the best!”