Post Content

Apartment 3-G, 8/2/11

So it’s becoming increasingly clear that Lu Ann’s ex-fiance’s wife is cousins with Lady Gaga (actual name: Stefani Germanotta), who will somehow be convinced to take time off from her fulfilling and lucrative career as a musician/provocateur to engage in some antics for little or no money at a middlebrow art gallery whose idea of a great show involved Lu Ann’s dumb paintings of ferns. This bizarre development fills me with trepidation over the A3G artist’s stubborn refusal to depict clothing that’s interesting or different from the norm in any way. Even if we just stay with the strip’s standard only-show-’em-above-the-shoulders technique, how will the art grapple with Lady Gaga’s well-known propensity for wacky hats?

Mark Trail, 8/2/11

Mark survived a vicious goose attack and discovered just why that old goose was so cranky: it had a heavy gold band around one of its legs! Look for Lost Forest to suddenly be overrun by grizzled old prospectors, attempting to strike it rich and mine the local goose population for precious metal.

IMPORTANT GEOPOLITICAL NEWS: Thanks to the many, many people who sent me definitive proof that Crankshaft is the 21st century’s greatest monster!

Post Content

Six Chix, 7/29/11

I used to think that the life of a retired male thoroughbred horse — left to spend your time at leisure on a nice farm, with occasional sexy times with lady horses — seemed pretty sweet. Then I found out that thoroughbred horse semen is far too valuable to waste on a single lady horse per ejaculation, and so the studs have to get it on with a fake horse that encloses an elaborate semen-harvesting apparatus, with said semen shipped across the country to dozens of lady horses whom the male horses never get to meet. What I’m trying to say is that these two horses should probably count their blessings, unless the brown horse is in fact a particularly well designed piece of semen-harvesting apparatus.

Mark Trail, 7/29/11

Oh man, oh man. Is Mark going to punch a swan, more in sorrow than in anger? Is he going to get his pretty face all pecked? We’re only like two days into this plot and it’s already 20 times funnier than anything that’s happened in the last five years that didn’t involve Rusty getting trapped under a car.

Herb and Jamaal, 7/29/11

Your hilarious, whimsical comic of the day, everybody! I will cheerfully cop to being afraid of death, for whatever that’s worth.

Pluggers, 7/29/11

“Plugger Yelp” is when one plugger addresses another with awkward slang terms that nobody ever uses, and receives a reply that consists of unintelligible animal noises.

Post Content

Marvin, 7/28/11

Every once in a while, I question some of my comics obsessions and bêtes noires. Do the newspaper comics really have the horrible tendencies that I attribute to them, or am I just being uncharitable because of my own particular mission as a curmudgeonly comics commentator? Take Marvin; is this strip really the shit-stained horror that I make it out to be, or is it merely a whimsical take on infancy that happens to include the occasional joke about diaper-changing? When I’m wracked with self-doubt of this kind, it’s almost a relief to see strips like today’s, in which Marvin spasms uncontrollably while taking a huge dump in his pants, and then cracks wise about how gross it is, inside his pants. Thanks, Marvin, for reinforcing all my worst opinions about you!

Mark Trail, 7/28/11

Because Mark was able to convince mountain man John Thrasher to come down from the mountains and also no longer have PTSD, he’s now gotten cocky and believes that he can convince anyone or anything to do whatever he asks. If there’s a something more hilarious than Mark Trail wading towards a goose and bellowing “WAIT! RELAX!” at it, I’m not sure what it could possibly be.

Mary Worth, 7/28/11

Oh, wait, never mind, some poor waitress running away from Mary Worth and vomiting in terror and disgust is definitely funnier.