Gil Thorp, 4/6/17
I guess the Gil Thorp baseball season non-FOIA storyline is going to be about the mysterious history between Ryan Van Auken and Pete De Windt, but for my money it’d be a lot more fun if they just decided to create a marketing blitz around their shared Dutch heritage. You know, posing for pictures wearing wooden shoes and sticking their fingers into holes in the local water-control infrastructure, that sort of thing. Think of the nicknames! The “Dutch Connection!” The “Erasmuslijn!” The “Flemish Block!” [Gil calls a press conference] “Look, guys, these are kids, and I’m not sure how we were supposed to know that was the name of a far-right Flemish nationalist party in the ’80s and ’90s.” [Gil calls another press conference after a Marty Moon investigation finds extensive posts from
petedeWIN on neo-nazi and Dutch supremacist message boards] “Look, guys…” [Gil closes his eyes and holds the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger for a long time without saying anything]
Mark Trail, 4/6/17
Wouldn’t it be great if Mark walked away from this kidnapper’s attempt to rope Mark into his crimes and we just never heard from him or his victim ever again? “What a strange man I met at the airport, Johnny!” [They spend the next eight to twelve weeks taking a census of black-footed ferrets]
Mary Worth, 4/6/17
Look how incredibly jazzed Mary and Toby are about the cruise ship crew not immediately losing their luggage within hours of their coming aboard! Their expectations are set extremely low, and which is always the best way to approach a vacation experience. They’ll almost certainly be pleasantly surprised when a norovirus fails to kill them!