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Herb and Jamaal, 9/20/08

Pity poor Herb, who’s been reduced to making a series of “funny” reaction facial expressions in his own comic strip while his doctor dishes out the “jokes.” Sure, the strip could have been recast with almost no effort at all so that it consisted of actual dialog being exchanged, by why bother when you have the option of non-stop hilarity in its purest form: a lecture from a doctor with comical hair. At least Herb got to contribute something, rather than just silently picking something up while a stranger contemplates adoption like Jamaal did earlier this week.

Ziggy, 9/20/08

Sassy mice claiming rights beyond their station might appear in any number of second-tier long-running comic strips (see for instance Garfield, 9/8-11/08). But that crooked-mouthed expression of pure humiliation and helplessness on our hero’s face? That’s the special soul-blighting value-add you only get from Ziggy.

Mark Trail, 9/20/08

“He’s a filthy animal that we let live in our house because we’re insane! He’s covered with fleas, and he steals things, and he has rabies!”

Apartment 3-G, 9/20/08

Wow, this took a turn for the depressing real fast. Uh, don’t do drugs, kids, OK?

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Crock, 9/17/08

Ever since the infamous Sally Forth-Target-Rush scandal, it’s been important for readers to stay vigilant and call comic artists out when corporate payola corrupts what ought to be a pure art form. Today, we see how brazen some on-the-take comics features can be. This strip was obviously subsidized by Tommy Hilfiger, Fruit of the Loom, or some other underwear manufacturer determined to associate Calvin Klein in the public mind with a disgruntled chicken being boiled alive as part of a terrible joke in an awful comic.

Mark Trail, 9/17/08

Like most people, I pretty much assume that the placement of the stems of word balloons in Mark Trail is some kind of elaborate and long-running surrealist joke. (Mark Trail itself may be an elaborate and long-running surrealist joke, but that’s a topic for a different time.) Anyway, today’s strip takes this little game to what has to be its logical conclusion, as a grinning Mark holds an entire conversation with himself in front of his dumbfounded family. Presumably he’s not letting Cherry get a word in edgewise, because he’s afraid that she’ll burst into tears upon learning that her husband is once again leaving for a new adventure after only about twenty minutes at home, and he has no desire to be befuddled once more by the expression of so-called human “emotions.”

Family Circus, 9/17/08

Ha ha, Jeffy! Mommy was giving you one last chance to convince her that you have too much sentimental value to her to sell, and you failed. I hope you enjoy the garment industry! You’ll be starting on the ground floor, which is to say the basement, where you’ll be chained up.

Pluggers, 9/17/08

Pluggers know there ain’t much point in going to a fancy bar when you can just get drunk at home on bargain booze and pass out on the couch.

The book is there so that this plugger doesn’t stain his shirt when he inevitably vomits on himself, as pluggers are illiterate.

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Mark Trail, 9/12/08

Would it be OK if I just posted Mark Trail every day, with minimal comment, for as long as it continues to be this mind-blowingly hilarious? Today our hero proposes solving a local water crisis — part of an enormously complex issue involving the need to protect nature but also leave room for development, the tangled legislation around water rights, agricultural water requirements, climate change, and the competing demands on drinking water from dozens of different communities of varying sizes and political clout — by calling in a man whose main problem-solving algorithm consists of “Does it have a face I can punch?” and “Are there any intervening objects that would impede the trajectory of my fist?” Hijinks will almost certainly ensue.

Almost as funny is the continued presences of our friend the raccoon, who is attempting to get fresh with the little girl in the first panel. Raccoons are well known to be fearsomely intelligent carriers of parasites and disease who are unafraid of humans and are probably plotting our overthrow even as I type this. Last year when Amber and I went to Vancouver, we saw in Stanley Park an enormous raccoon that was hanging out just inches away from a baby sitting in a stroller, while a woman (presumably the baby’s mother) was standing six feet away taking lots of pictures of this supposedly adorable nature encounter. I’m not saying I wanted to see the raccoon grab the baby and drag him or her off into the underbrush, but, well, a valuable lesson would have been learned if that had happened. Since the little girl in Mark Trail isn’t real, though, I’m totally down with a raccoon-kidnapping subplot here.

Dick Tracy, 9/12/08

Dick Tracy’s mission in life is to kill and maim as many criminals, suspected criminals, innocent passers-by, and bleeding-heart libs as possible, so it’s no wonder why he’s so excited to see a version of himself that’s thirty feet high, imbued with superhuman strength, and impervious to bullets. Still, I think illustrating his massive tie-erection in the first panel is in somewhat poor taste.

Mary Worth, 9/12/08

“Ian’s going to think I’m an idiot for letting someone steal my identity and then use my money!”

“It happens to many types of people, I’m sure! Not just idiots, but morons, twits, fools, dummies, lame-brains, airheads…”