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Dustin, 3/15/20

Incredibly, it seems that there must be a limit the amount of cross-generational abuse Dustin can absorb from his father, because apparently the hateful old man feels the need to leave the house to dump it onto others as well. Thanks for accommodating this gentleman as you’re wrapping up for the day, Starbucks employees! Probably you’ve walked through the steps of taking an order repeatedly over the past several hours, putting you pretty much on automatic pilot about what you’re doing. So here, let your last customer of the evening really theatrically make you feel like an asshole about it! Bet you wish you had locked that door exactly at closing time now, huh?

Mark Trail, 3/15/20

Mark Trail is many things — an adventurer, a sort-of dad, a murderer — but above all, he is a man of science. Some might claim that the pika is the cutest animal out there, but he won’t believe it until he sees a rigorous, peer-reviewed study proving it.

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Mark Trail, 3/11/20

Wow, some wild swings in tone happening here as the Mark Trail art, formerly wooden and repetitive, becomes mysteriously and surreally fluid. One of the gang of anti-orphan bullies suddenly becomes very intent on Rusty joining his clique, eyes bugging out derangedly as he makes his pitch. But as Rusty’s sly expression in panel three indicates, he would rather rule in hell than serve in heaven, by which I mean he’d rather be in a position of strength, hanging out with his dad and the world’s saddest orphan, than being at the bottom of the pecking order among the cool kids. Finally, Rusty will have his own Rusty!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/11/20

Oh my god, check it out, June is trying to get Tildy to slow down and think through her impulsive decision to move out of the Morgans’ house and shack up with her ex who she hasn’t seen in decades, and Rex is trying to physically restrain her. “Don’t you dare, June! Her bags are packed! Her bags are already packed, we’re so close!”

Gasoline Alley, 3/11/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because, like most service industry workers, Baleen doesn’t have any paid sick leave, so she has to choose between working while injured or infectious and financial ruin!

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Mark Trail, 3/9/20

Oh, wow, it seems these troubled children are turning on each other! They overheard Kevin admitting he didn’t have a dad and are immediately unleashing the most vicious attack a teen thug can think of: “Hey, look, fellas! A homeless kid!” Fortunately Geoff is there to set everyone straight with some tough talk, or maybe he’s just going to “level the playing field” by revealing all the socially debilitating secrets that ended with these delinquents on this hike instead of doing something fun and cool literally anywhere else. Anyway, how do you feel about the fact that you can apparently see down Geoff’s throat in the final panel? Feel kind of uncomfortable? I sure do!

Mary Worth, 3/9/20

It’s true, change is inevitable, as it’s been said! But in this case, maybe it’s … not? Like maybe Mary could ask for her preferred volunteer shift instead of just meekly acquiescing to the change? What’re they gonna do if she insists, fire her?

Between Friends, 3/9/20

Oh no! The COVID-19 virus has finally reached the funny pages! Can Between Friends be isolated before the rest of our beloved characters are infected? Fortunately the strip is set in Canada, so only the zombie For Better Or For Worse crew is in immediate danger.

Family Circus, 3/9/20

Daddy was “unavoidably detained on an out-of-town trip,” and based on the whispered conversations of adults on the subject Billy has come up with some wild ideas of what’s going on exactly, involving aliens and, I assume, rectal probes.

Pluggers, 3/9/20

PLUGGERS ARE SUNDOWNING

THEY SAID IT

THE SYNDICATED NEWSPAPER PANEL PLUGGERS SAID THIS ABOUT PLUGGERS, NOT ME, I’M JUST REPORTING IT