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Mark Trail, 2/8/20

Oh my god, “Harvey completely made up the story of a yeti ripping his leg off and actually he just had juvenile diabetes” is a so much better ending (?) to this story than I could have possibly imagined. I don’t know what I want more for Monday: Harvey digging his way out of the avalanche and yell-growling “The yeti was a METAPHOR! … a metaphor for JUVENILE DIABETES, my greatest foe!” or just a smash cut back to the cabin in Lost Forest with Mark saying “Yes, Rusty, I did see some unusual animals in Nepal!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/8/20

Oh my god, I had forgotten that June mentioned Aunt Tildy had been married to a man “she called the Count, but he didn’t seem to be rich.” Shoutout to Rex Morgan for surprising me for the first time in literally years: “Andrzej and Tildy are destined to be together” seemed so obviously set up that I entirely missed “Andrzej and Tildy were together once and will be in the future, time is a flat circle, all of this has happened before and will happen again.”

Judge Parker, 2/8/20

Oh my god, what if Sophie decides to not run the campaign of her old family friend but instead puts her considerable political skills to the service of one of his rivals? From what we’ve seen of it, Alan’s campaign is focused on prison abolition and left-leaning NIMBYISM from a perspective of noblesse oblige, and I’m interested to see if his opponent, aided by Sophie’s inside information and all-around smarts, attacks him from the left (“Alan Parker should be put in jail as a class enemy”) or the right (“Alan Parker should be put in jail as an actual criminal, who broke several laws”).

Crock, 2/8/20

Not to be all “poor me” over here, as making fun of comics is something I obviously enjoy and I appreciate getting to earn part of my income from it, but let me just tell you that I read this strip and thought “Huh, I bet conditions on the plantations where they grow pepper are pretty dire, I wonder if there’s some joke to be made out of that,” and ended up opening multiple browser tabs, learning that, for instance, the bottom has fallen out of the Vietnamese pepper market, and that India attempts to protect its native pepper industry with tariffs and price controls but this has led to a a pepper smuggling pipeline from Vietnam via Sri Lanka. Meanwhile, big American companies like McCormick are investing in sustainable pepper operations, at least according to this advertorial “hosted by” The Guardian. I wasn’t really able to mine a lot of laffs out of all that, unless you count the meta-explanation of it I’m doing in this post, but I 100% guarantee that I put a lot more thought into this than was put into this joke.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/8/20

The Smifs have lost track of their baby as he crawls through the knee-deep trash that completely covers the floor of their filthy hovel! Ha … ha?

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Mark Trail, 2/5/20

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date with recent developments in Mark Trail, but they go something like this: Dr. Camel thought he heard the tell-tale whistle of a yeti and so he just bolted out of his tent into the Himalayan night, and also into what appears to be an avalanche in progress, and now Genie, his lover (?), is running after him. If Mark Trail ends up standing dispassionately over their frozen corpses tomorrow morning, snaps a picture of them for the cover of Woods and Wildlife, says to nobody in particular “I guess the yeti will just have to remain a mystery,” and then starts heading back down the mountain, I admit I will be kind of impressed.

Blondie, 2/5/20

I have now reached an age when I see incomprehensible tech jokes in legacy comics and have the nagging feeling of “are they out of touch or am I?” Like, on the surface this all makes no sense to me, but … maybe deleting pics off each others phones is how the prepubescent set flirts these days? Like it’s the equivalent of a mischievous boy dipping a little girl’s pigtails into an inkwell, except it’s up-to-date, and gender-neutral, and also causes you to lose your cherished memories? At any rate, Elmo has learned a tough lesson about regularly syncing your devices with the cloud, and Dagwood has learned that maybe he should take pictures of things sometimes, with one of these new-fangled “cameras” everyone’s talking about.

Mary Worth, 2/5/20

Wilbur is, of course, referring to that time he decided to travel the world for his dumb column and Iris dumped him, which led to her very successful and happy relationship with hot young millionaire Zak, and also led to Wilbur getting sex-grifted in Colombia. It’s still not entirely clear to me whether Dawn ever learned about the latter episode, and now I dearly hope she didn’t so that when Wilbur describes the whole thing to Hugo in graphic and erotic detail, she’ll be hearing about it for the first time.

Family Circus, 2/5/20

Is … is Big Daddy Keane actually smiling at his son’s ignorance? “That’s right,” he’s thinking, “this is America. No son of mine will be pressing anything but 1 for English.”

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Hi and Lois, 1/28/20

True story: When I was a kid and my mom first got an answering machine, her mother did not know how to deal with it, and would leave messages like she was talking to a person who wasn’t us, e.g., “[long awkward pause, then speaking very slowly] Tell Carol that mother called.” Anyway, this is just to say that Lois clearly has a physical answering machine attached to a landline, not “voice mail,” and you can’t listen to the latter in real time, so I question when this strip was actually written, or at least when the joke was conceived. I also don’t think we’ve ever seen Lois’s mother appear in the strip, so maybe she’s running to the phone to turn down the volume, because she doesn’t want her kids to know they have grandparents.

Mark Trail, 1/28/20

So, uh, the Mark Trail art is continuing to shift and change even outside the context of Dr. Camel’s flashback? Not sure if this is meant to represent everyone slowly losing their mind due to oxygen deprivation or if new-ish artist James Allen is trying to put his own visual stamp on the strip rather than hewing to the models established by his predecessors, but the important thing is that Mark and Harvey are going to snipe at each other until they freeze to death.

Gil Thorp, 1/28/20

Finally, something interesting is happening in Gil Thorp: the bully clique is going to mess with the aspiring valedictorian by playing what I firmly expect to be a series of escalating fart noises during his oral report. I hope this goes on for weeks.

Dick Tracy, 1/28/20

Mister Roboto acts like he’s mad that he has to mansplain Styx’s concept album Kilroy Is Here to a sexy part-alien lady dressed as a robot who he’s tied to a chair, but let’s be clear: he’s very excited that he gets to mansplain Styx’s concept album Kilroy Is Here to a sexy part-alien lady dressed as a robot who he’s tied to a chair.