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Gil Thorp, 11/8/07

“Gentlemen, I’ve just heard from the athletic director. It seems that in this so-called sport of ‘football’, you’re supposed to accumulate more points than the opposite team, and your quarterback isn’t supposed to wildly hurl the ball in the direction of the opposing players. We’ve been doing this all wrong, apparently. Who knew?”

I’m not sure where Cully and his thuggish friends are stopping for a snack. It appears to be a bookstore of some sort, albeit one with a sliding glass door. Perhaps they plan to show their hatred for learning and knowledge of all kinds by eating the books rather than reading them.

Also of note today are a pair of classic Gil Thorp back-of-the-head oh-my-God-I-don’t-think-those-people-have-any-faces shots of dudes with wildly inappropriate earrings.

Mark Trail, 11/8/07

Hey, Johnny, maybe if you had gone and helped your son rather than spending the afternoon carefully waxing your mustache out to Kaiser Wilhelm-esque proportions, he wouldn’t be in this mess. Presumably Malotte père plans to punish the boy by tying him to a set of railroad tracks.

Family Circus, 11/8/07

From: The Comics Curmudgeon
To: The Family Circus
Re: Today’s cartoon

Here is a (non-comprehensive) list of things I do not want to see or see discussed in any future installments of your feature:

• Spanking
• Ass-padding that mitigates the discomfort of spanking
• Edible ass-padding that mitigates the discomfort of spanking
• Little Jeffy attempting to eat an enormous marshmallow that is larger than his mouth

I thank you for your time.

Marvin, 11/8/07

So, we can make jokes in the newspaper about babies urinating on people’s faces now? For real? Mavin’s smug facial expression really pushes this one over the edge for me. It’s like he’s saying “Oh yeah, dad, I’m going to piss all over your face. Yeah. It’s gonna be awesome.”

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Mary Worth, 11/7/07

Possible explanations for the utterly laughable “dog x-ray” on display in the first panel:

• Mary Worth’s vet has an enormous CT scanning device that allows for the creation of a full-body scan of a midsized dog, which is then shrunk down so much as to be completely illegible.
• To save money, the vet just photocopies animals instead of x-raying them, arguing that it’s “basically the same technology.”
• The dog is pregnant, and that’s a sonogram of its tiny dog fetus.
• The dog and the vet are in on some kind of elaborate scam — dog plays dead by the side of the road, vet shows of ambiguous fake x-ray, old biddy comes back with checkbook, and KA-CHING!
• Mary Worth may in fact not be wholly realistic in all respects.

Apartment 3-G, 11/7/07

Man, it really depresses me when a feisty woman tries to make herself over into a shrinking violet just to please some man who can’t even decide on his own hair color. Apparently even Margo can’t stand to see it, as she’s covering her eyes rather than watch her own undoing. Of course, it’s possible that she’s rigged the phone to detonate in Eric’s hand, and is just trying to keep from being blinded in the process.

(By the way, if you find the thought of “Apartment 3-G Alan/Sam slash fiction” even vaguely intriguing, you owe it to yourself to check out this comment from faithful reader SecretMargo.)

Mark Trail, 11/7/07

Uh oh! Li’l Paul Malotte just got cock-college-tuition-money-blocked. I imagine he’s going to stride into the trading post and forcefully confront Bull Malone about how his unethical competitive practices are hurting the reputation of the increasingly lucrative full-service guided camping package market. And because he’s wearing a baby blue fringy jacket with matching equestrian cap, it will be the funniest shit you’ll ever see in your life.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/7/07

“Yup! Sullen, passive-aggressive, and unhelpful! It’s uncanny!”

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Mark Trail, 10/30/07

See, we’re only two days into the Amazing Adventures of Johnny Malotte, L’Homme d’Extérieur, and it’s already a gazillion times more amusing than dumb old Homer and the Shirleys can ever dream of being. I sincerely hope that in every single panel in which Johnny appears, he has several of his innumerable offspring draped over him, so as to indicate what a crowded, Soylent Green-type hellscape the Malotte compound is. The first panel of today’s installment shows us the dangers of backwoods inbreeding, as Johnny’s freakishly thick torso towers over his presumably high-school-aged son; either Johnny is a Paul Bunyan-like forest giant, or his son is a borderline little person (though perfectly proportioned, it should be noted).

Meanwhile, the idea that Tiny Malotte is going to have satisfy every whim of some pair of rich city businessmen in order to get the associate’s degree he needs to escape this overcrowded cabin forever is too, too delicious. Look for him to run afoul of Mark as he desperately tries to find hookers and blow in Lost Forest.

Apartment 3-G, 10/30/07

Oh, man, I had completely forgotten that Margo was running an event planning business! And, from the look of things, so did Margo. I wonder if Eric, like the wealthy and powerful everywhere, has expected Margo to drop everything else in her life now that he’s made her part of his business empire. I know we keep waiting in vain for an apocalyptic Eric-Margo conflict, but perhaps if he discovers that his new gallery manager is moonlighting organizing awards banquets for bleeding hearts, we might get one step closer.

B.C., 10/30/07

This is actually a fairly amusing cartoon for those with memories of and investment in the B.C. cast of characters, which, unfortunately for B.C., is pretty much nobody at this point. What I want to know is JESUS GOD WHOSE LEG IS THAT DANGLING LIMPLY FROM THE BACK OF THE SHELL?

Funky Winkerbean, 10/30/07

“Well, here we are … the brand new exposition in the exposition!”

“Thanks for bringing us here, Cindy … I really exposition to Funky to exposition.”

“I’m sure he won’t mind his exposition stopping by for the big exposition either!”