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Judge Parker, 2/27/20

How’s Judge Parker Senior’s mayoral campaign going? Well, when he had his surrogates float the idea to the media that he might be thinking about a run, they ran a story on the evening news featuring footage of him being led off to prison in handcuffs, so, not great, it turns out! Still, Sam urges Alan to keep his focus on the people he’s really working for: the prisoners, the ones he met in jail and who helped him understand things about society that he never had before, the ones who he’s going to free by dynamiting the prison walls and turn into an unstoppable army that he’ll use to rule Cavelton with iron fist. Remember how Bane ran Gotham for the last half of The Dark Knight Rises? It’ll be like that.

The Lockhorns, 2/27/20

Wow, never mind the typical gloomy facial expressions on Leroy and Loretta: check out the profoundly intense frown on the face of their poor houseguest. I mean, you don’t expect anyone hanging out with them for any length of time to be happy about it, exactly, but this poor fellow seems to have absorbed the house’s negative energy like a sponge and is probably going to drop dead of a bile overdose at any moment.

Zits, 2/27/20

Zits is not a strip I talk about very often here, but I promise you this: I will always absolutely let you know when it abruptly veers into ass-themed body horror.

Mark Trail, 2/27/20

Wow, you heard it here first, folks: Rusty is going to get red-pilled by reading the unpleasantly ribald comments about Luann on GoComics.com.

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Mark Trail, 2/26/20

Good news, everyone! The internet isn’t just for losers who try to chase social media fame, only to die tragically. You can also learn facts about wildlife and cultures (cultures are the wildlife of people!) around the world. Looks like I don’t have to shut down this blog after all. What a relief! Please do not fatally pursue online fame in my comments.

Gasoline Alley, 2/26/20

Wow, Baleen is really shaking things up here at Corky’s Diner! Letting customers know the operating hours? Using the written word as a medium? What will she think of next???

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/24/20

There are some days when I deliberately misconstrue the obviously intended meaning of a comic strip for comedic effect, but then there are others where I just … genuinely … don’t get the joke. Today is one of them! I don’t get the joke in Funky Winkerbean! My only clue is that every joke in Funky Winkerbean is about how we’re all dying, just some of us more quickly than others, so … maybe it’s that the Winkerbeans are too old to drink beer while watching sports anymore so now they’re drinking hot chocolate instead? Feel free to point out how I’m obviously wrong, in the comments, I’m dying to know what’s up here!

Pluggers, 2/24/20

Say what you will about the art in Pluggers, but I think this drawing of the cat-plugger has nicely captured the facial expression of someone on the nonconsensual receiving end of a long, rambling anecdote who has no obvious exit strategy.

Mark Trail, 2/24/20

Speaking of nicely captured facial expressions, Mark is definitely wearing the frozen mask here of someone who expected to get a lot less pushback from his family about the mildly annoying guy that he left to die in the harsh Himalayan foothills. “I don’t know for sure, Cherry,” Mark says, “but he sure posted a lot on Instagram! Isn’t that the real story here?”