Archive: Mark Trail

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Six Chix, 3/1/19

Wow, these narrow-minded scientists are blinded by their sexist assumptions and won’t ever see Bigfoot … because it doesn’t even occur to them that she might be a woman! Also probably they’re looking for some hairy ape-like creature who’s about seven or eight feet tall, not a human-like creature who’s 60 feet tall and also wearing shoes. In related news, remember this Six Chix, about a lady who fucked a Bigfoot? Is there some kind of rule that to be one of the Six Chix, you have to eventually do a Bigfoot fetish comic, sort of the way you have to be beaten into a gang?

Mark Trail, 3/1/19

I’m not sure which possible scenario here is sadder: that Mark Trail, its publisher King Features, and its parent corporation Hearst Communications are too terrified of irritating intellectual property holders to print the words “Lego” or “[insert whatever TV show you think they’re talking about here, I did some half-assed Googling for ‘red black car TV’ and didn’t find the results illuminating]”; or that Mark and his friends live in a world without the #brands that we know and love, moving through a sea of undifferentiated products that lack any of the value added by the branding process.

Mary Worth, 3/1/19

Estelle’s date #4 is a literal hobo! You gotta admit, of all the ways to scam a free meal out of someone, this isn’t the absolute worst. At least he looks like he’s under 60!

Gil Thorp, 3/1/19

Say what you will about Marty Moon, but he has a certain cunning, and as a lifelong inhabitant/prisoner of the dump that is Milford, he knows exactly what pisses off everyone else who lives there: being reminded that their town is a dump. Guess B/Robby is going to be stuck in the dump forever as well, as punishment!

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Slylock Fox, 2/25/19

Slylock gets called down to the trailer park to mediate disputes between Reeky and Rachel an awful lot, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time Reeky’s version of events has actually been vindicated by Slylock’s keen eye and ratiocination prowess! I guess Rachel just became convinced that law enforcement would always take her side against “those people” (rats) and so she could get her nemesis in trouble for something he didn’t do. Of course, Reeky is going to be dragged down to the station tonight anyway, for the self-confessed crime of littering.

Mark Trail, 2/25/19

Let this be a warning to you, creators! Your “fans” might share your social posts and back you on Patreon, but if you generate so much #content that it overwhelms their ability to consume it all within their lifetime, they’ll feel no compunction about teaming up with a one-eyed man you wronged to kill you with a flamethrower!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/25/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because Snuffy and Loweezy live in an impoverished, isolated community and there definitely aren’t more chairs where that one came from! Hope you like standing, Loweezy!

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Mark Trail, 2/19/19

Hell yeah everyone, the seemingly eternal Mexican vacation is over and Chris “Dirty” Dyer is back and ready for revenge! “Dirty” was last seen lounging erotically on a beach somewhere almost a year ago in between bouts of knife-thorwing practice, and by all means follow that link for a bunch of other links that explain who he is and what his beef is with Mark, but the important thing is that “Dirty” has given up on knives and moved on to flamethrowers, and is now using one to melt what appears to be a simulation of Mark Trail, only blonde, and made out of … candle wax, maybe? Or plastic? A plastic mannequin devoid of emotions and genitals, much like Mark himself? Anyway, I hope this presages the final conflict between Mark and “Dirty”, but probably this glimpse is supposed to tide us over while we endure another 10 months of Mark writing a story about [spins wheel] endangered frogs and getting mixed up in a [spins wheel again] insurance fraud scheme.

Mary Worth, 2/19/19

Hell yeah once again everyone, the seemingly eternal Ian-Jannie plot is over and now Mary is back and gonna get her friend Estelle laid! Not sure what this bodes for Libby, who Mary only fobbed off on Estelle because she missed her dead husband, but we’ll deal with that when we need to! The important thing is that Estelle “miss[es] having a man around,” if you know what she means (she means sex). If fortysomething Iris can bed a 23-year-old millionaire, elegant Blythe Danner lookalike Estelle should at least be able to woo a 45-year-old with a steady job and health insurance.

Gil Thorp, 2/19/19

An interesting contrast between the public and private sectors here! It looks like yet another concerned citizen — the real customers of the Milford school district — has come to the conclusion that Gil Thorp sucks, but since Gil and everyone else at the school have cushy union jobs, they don’t have to respect anyone else’s opinion or even try to stop sucking! Meanwhile, in the cut-throat, free market world of sports radio focusing exclusively on high schools, B/Robby has already shown he can beat Marty Moon at the metrics the station owners care about, so he’s about to climb the corporate latter at Marty’s expense. The system works!