Archive: Mark Trail

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Mark Trail, 1/24/19

Gosh, it’s been, what, nearly two weeks since I updated you on Mark Trail? Mark spent some more time punching the bad guys and then significantly more time fuming at Jose for failing to use the power of Mexican law enforcement to protect his extremely stupid and danger-prone son. Mark and Jose were walking towards where Rusty was last seen, Mark fuming darkly, as we all suspected that we’d find nothing but dismembered Rusty parts piled neatly in the corner. But then … womp womp! Just a couple kids playing a kids’ card game with Raul, who, to recap, once seemed cool enough to actually murder Rusty himself. Looks like all’s well that ends well! I expect this plotline will finally wrap up sometime in mid 2021.

Gil Thorp, 1/24/19

Wow, so, uh, Robby is really just a full-on part of Marty’s radio show now, huh? I genuinely can’t decide whether “unpaid assistant sports talk DJ” is a step up or step down from “unpaid assistant high school basketball coach,” but either way I’m very excited for when we get to the part of the story where Robby starts selling Marty fake uppers.

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Mark Trail, 1/12/19

Oh, right, I forgot about the beginning of the cave adventure, when there were mutterings of “coyotes” (the metaphorical kind) lurking in the area and then a giant cavesplosion trapped Mark and his pals in a cave for the next four months. I don’t remember anyone actually laying eyes on any of these nefarious human traffickers, but I trust Mark has imprinted their faces in his inerrant memory. It was awful nice of them to wait politely for Mark to punch them into oblivion one at a time, especially considering how rude he’s being, changing the subject around. “Then you left us for dead!” “Where is my son?” Jeez, Mark, give a guy a minute to think about the questions you’re asking if you really want an answer!

Hi and Lois, 1/12/19

“Like, for instance, a persistent shift in average temperatures of a few degrees that makes it possible to play golf in in January could also lead to widespread, systemic ecological collapse? Just to pick an example out of nowhere?”

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Mark Trail, 1/11/19

Oh, right, the human traffickers! We all remember the human traffickers, right? The ones … Mark encountered … and can remember instantly … shoot, you guys I don’t remember the human traffickers at all. Were they … were they part of this cave adventure? Anyway, you’d think Mark would be proud of these guys for working their way down the Ladder of Evil and only threatening cultural patrimony rather than live human beings, but in his Manichaean worldview, there are good people (who don’t get punched) and bad people (who do). At any rate, please enjoy Mark swelling up in righteous anger as he lays down the punchery, making every bit of his rippling physique extremely visible through is formerly loose-fitting shirt and jeans.

Mary Worth, 1/11/19

Ha ha, Mary is transparently not wondering about her friends at all, but is instead enjoying dinner alone and a book from the steamy Outlander series, presumably because she decided to stop thinking about Ian and instead seek out a story about a Scot who is an actually plausible object of erotic desire.