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Wizard of Id, 12/13/12

If there’s one thing I took away from my failed attempt at becoming a historian (other than a failed attempt to become a historical romance novelist), it was a tendency to overthink comics set in the past. I’ve mused at great length about the historical setting for Hagar the Horrible, but generally haven’t bothered with the Wizard of Id because it’s such a weird mishmosh of vaguely medieval tropes. I actually hadn’t given much thought until today about the co-existence of Id’s occasionally seen Catholic establishment and the Wizard’s dark magic, but I’m intrigued to learn that the Idish (Idian?) men of Christ view the Wiz’s dark magic in what’s probably a fairly historically accurate manner. Presumably Brother Whosit here sees himself like Elijah going up against the priests of Baal, or like Jesus Himself, curing a poor soul of the demons that afflict him. Little does he know that the the Wiz contains worse evil than even the foulest spawn of hell. We can only imagine the scene of insanely violent spiritual slaughter that takes place after the third panel here.

Marvin, 12/13/12

Meanwhile, Marvin has gotten all hopped on Arminianism and believes that, just because God created him complete with free will, he answers to no earthly authority. Look for him to be getting a possibly misspelled “Only God Can Judge Me” prison tattoo before his 25th birthday.

Apartment 3-G, 12/13/12

Man, this is one of the cheapest, most transparent “drag out the drama” techniques in the soap opera strip’s arsenal, and yet I’m totally drawn in by it! Arrrgh, why can’t Lu Ann go to Margo’s Christmas party? Is she a Jehovah’s Witness now? Will she be busy having her face smooched by Greg, who seemed on the verge of becoming her boyfriend but then didn’t, I don’t think? I CAN’T HANDLE THE SUSPENSE!!!

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Marvin, 11/15/12

Mary Worth, 11/15/12

Family Circus, 11/15/12

Spider-Man, 11/15/12

Lockhorns, 11/15/12

Scabs, again?

Oh God I am so profoundly sorry.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mark Trail, 10/16/12

In ancient Greek tragedies, hubris is inevitably followed by a generally violent comeuppance. And so too in Mark Trail! Mark and Bill Ellis thought they could party like big shots on Woods and Wildlife’s fabulous corporate yacht (not pictured), sailing down to the Caribbean for a few days’ worth of fishing, but instead they’ve been waylaid by these gun-toting, festively dressed, splendidly mustached foreigners. I suppose they’re going to turn out to be drug smugglers or the like, but given that Mark and Bill seem to have just sailed down there in the yacht and then started a-fishin’, I prefer to believe that they’re customs officials from some extremely relaxed island nation that doesn’t feel a need to spend a lot of money on “uniforms” or “offices” for their government employees. Another possibility, given that Lead Baddie’s exposed chest has suddenly become bright pink in panel three, is that they’re shape-shifting aliens who want to kidnap Mark and Bill to their outer-space probatorium.

Marvin, 10/15/12

Let’s say you’re a person who writes jokes, on the Internet! If that were the case, there would be few things more harrowing than a cartoon dog sitting at a desk, taking a desultory slurp of coffee, and then tapping out some terrible humor-like prose, all while sporting a numb, heavy-lidded facial expression. BRRRRRRR.