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Marvin, 3/5/12

Today’s Marvin actually raises some interesting philosophical questions! What does Marvin’s mom mean exactly when she says her child is “old enough to know better”? From panel one, it’s clear that he’s reached the point in his cognitive development where he’s capable of constructing rudimentary tools to get what he wants; does she believe that the ability to control one’s environment ought to coincide with an understanding of how such control might conflict with the prevailing ethical system? That might be theoretically elegant, but perhaps she’s encountering a sociobiological counterpoint to that argument, in which our inbuilt desires run wildly ahead of the layer of civilizing rules we’ve created to try to restrain them, and the only recourse is punishment. Getting old does stink, Marvin, as it means learning to say no to the fun things we’ve just learned how to do, to keep total chaos at bay.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/5/12

Rex is trying to short-circuit this whole storyline and skip ahead to the part where he gets to stop caring about everything. “Too bad we don’t know any screenwriters! And really, where would we even find such people? They’re like reclusive monks, toiling away in secret. Best to drop the whole thing. Say, this is some pretty delicious yogurt!”

Gil Thorp, 3/5/12

Since Gil benched one of his star players to make a point about mild tattoo-related shenanigans (that point being “Gil doesn’t like your cultural practices, young people”), the Mudlarks have lost their first chance at a championship in years. I like the third panel because it demonstrates that some kids buy Gil’s inspirational bullshit and some don’t. Blond kid on right: “He’s right! I can feel my character being built by this heartbreaking, unnecessary defeat!” Dark-haired kid on left: “Enh, no, I still would have rather won the game. Think I’ll go get some tattoos that reflect my new grim worldview.”

Six Chix, 3/5/12

So these ladies are supposed to be … lady mobsters? That’s what their outfits are meant to convey to us? And they’ve murdered someone, for tweeting? But that — oh, look at the time, I’ve spent far too long contemplating this Six Chix, now I think I’ll go do anything else.

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/20/12

Hey, something good appears to be happening to characters in Funky Winkerbean! So why is everybody reacting to this news with facial expressions that range from very slight smiles to deep concern? Presumably because they know that nothing good actually happens to characters in Funky Winkerbean. That’s the science class in panel two, and these nerdlingers are well acquainted with the Funkyverse’s Law of Conservation of Misery: if something good happens, it will either set up something worse happening later (e.g., the girls’ team’s loss in the championship will be much more agonizing than another mediocre season that raises nobody’s expectations) or will result in something terrible happening elsewhere (e.g., the girls return with their championship trophy only to find that terrorists have killed everyone at the school and left the building a flaming ruin).

Marvin, 2/20/12

I don’t think you’ve got that quite right, Roy! If Jeff really wanted you out of the house, he’d teach you how to use Craigslist, since no legit jobs actually advertise in the primitive “newspaper” anymore. Presumably he’s going through the motions of handing you the paper to emphasize that he doesn’t actually like you, but is trying to keep you around because you’re one additional target for Marvin to irritate and/or puke on.

Momma, 2/20/12

So, uh, yeah, what do you suppose is going on here?

• Momma is a resident of Carmel-by-the-Sea, California, and this strip is taking place in 1986
• Momma doesn’t follow politics but does vaguely remember that Clint Eastwood ran for office once, and she also considers him a better age-appropriate sex fantasy than Ron Paul
• Momma is disgusted with all politicians and wishes that Dirty Harry would shoot each of them one by one with his .44 magnum
• Momma is old and kind of demented and just saying stuff

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Mark Trail, 2/17/12

“What am I going to do, Mark? The blind dog that I irresponsibly left alone in this forest is gone, and is probably lost and hungry and scared. And just a few hours before it was finally going make some money for me! Where am I going to find another blind dog on such short notice?”

Marvin, 2/17/12

“Oh, dear, you’re not getting old. You’re just addicted to painkillers!”