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Archie, 2/27/09

“It’s actually working out pretty well in that regard, because it’s about four times as large as a normal credit card and has no text or numbers of any sort on it, so I can’t convince any of the stores here that’s it’s actually a credit card.”

Herb and Jamaal, 2/27/09

Oh my goodness, Herb has finally figured out how to harness the nonspecificity that dominates his world … for evil.

Marvin, 2/27/09

Marvin all this week has been about his diaper rash and the disgusting effects that sitting in one’s own urine will have on one’s buttocks; and yet it is only today, with Marvin complaining that his ass is so sore that he can’t even lie down, that I’ve been moved to express my complete disgust.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/27/09

I liked this strip better when my eyes glossed over most of the longer word balloon in the first panel and I read it as saying “Yep, she’s taken up speed!”

Ziggy, 2/27/09

Ha ha! Ziggy and his entire neighborhood are about to be annihilated by a barrage of cruise missiles!

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Beetle Bailey, 2/21/09

I know attempting to piece together what’s going in any particular Beetle Bailey is a fool’s errand, but what I’m getting — and please do correct me if I’m wrong — is that the General has gotten into some kind of fender-bender (with who? with what?), which has ruffled or shaken up his wife somehow (but not him?), and all he cares about his is car, and his wife is devastated by his indifference. Am I right? Because that’s … that’s pretty depressing. I hope I’m not right.

Marvin, 2/21/09

Marvin alone among comic strips dares to grapple with the profound social effects of today’s economic turmoil, as the evaporation of his grandparents’ stock portfolio has forced them to move in with Marvin and his parents. This has opened up rich new opportunities for hard-hitting original storylines. For instance, while usually two photocopies of the same drawing of Marvin would be open-mouthedly thought-ballooning a terrible unoriginal joke to his dog Bitsy, today two photocopies of the same drawing of Marvin are open-mouthedly thought-ballooning a terrible unoriginal joke to his grandparents’ dog Junior.

Judge Parker, 2/21/09

“Well hello, your honor! My breasts and I were just in the neighborhood … and we’ve arrived just in time for the couch-orgy, I see!”

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Marvin, 2/13/09

Ha ha ha, Marvin, doesn’t want his grandmother to “touch” his “buttons,” if you know what I mean!

No, but seriously, Marvin is quite right to be terrified, since his grandmother is obviously some kind of sinister witch. Based on what happened to his mother, he fears that she’ll de-age him to a similar extent, trasforming him into a blastocyst. And because he’s Marvin, it would be the worst blastocyst in the entire world.

Mary Worth, 2/13/09

“Look, Mary, if there’s one thing I’ve tried to instill in my children, it’s a crippling sense of shame at doing anything that anyone might find even remotely out of the ordinary! I’m sure she’s totally dying inside just thinking about anyone finding out about this whole Internet dating thing, so you’re going to want to wait to bust it out when it will have a maximum impact — at her wedding, say.”

Hi and Lois, 2/13/09

Unlike adults, who totally like spending their idle time with their friends with other people hovering over them. Especially when those other people are their parents! That’s why Hi and Lois spend so much of their social time with their own parents. Oh, wait, no, they put them in that substandard nursing home, in another state.

Family Circus, 2/13/09

Dolly is supplementing her allowance by working as a guerilla marketing agent for the Hallmark Corporation.