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Crankshaft, 3/21/22

Pam. Pam. Your father is an enthusiastic gardener who loves to order stuff from the Bean’s End catalog. That’s a giant bag labelled “Bean’s End Mulch.” Why on earth do you feel like you need to ask what that is? You know what it is! It’s a goddamn bag of mulch! Asking this question can only set up a terrible joke, or at minimum extend a conversation with Crankshaft. Do you want that? Do you think any of us want to watch that? C’mon!

Dick Tracy, 3/21/22

Never let it be said that Dick Tracy is a character without nuance! For instance, you’d think a tough guy cop would be irritated when his foppish theater pal wants him to take time out of his busy work day to come see a celebrity impersonator he plans to represent. But no, Dick’s fine with that. It’s only a problem when the new talent parodies a cacophonic singer who almost killed him! That’s the line you shouldn’t cross with him, no matter what.

Mary Worth, 3/21/22

Not sure why you would’ve ever doubted that Ian’s colleagues all dislike him, but today’s strip pretty much confirms that Ian’s colleagues all dislike him.

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Mary Worth, 3/19/22

It’s been a while since we had a good Ian storyline, and the Ian I know is not a guy who sees that his wife isn’t having a great day and says, “Dear, please, let me pour your a glass of your favorite mid-list wine and not ask you any probing questions and then blow the answers out of proportion whatsoever.” Frankly, I don’t know if he’s had hours of therapy or a court-ordered lobotomy or if he’s just finally looked into this newly legal “marijuana” stuff that his students keep telling him about (specifically, they tell him it’s necessary for enduring one of his lectures), but he’s changed, man.

Curtis, 3/19/22

You know who hasn’t changed? Curtis’s dad! The only use of a trauma plot that I will accept is a lie spun to get your kid to stop asking you for money for at least a week.

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Mary Worth, 3/14/22

I think I speak for those in long-term relationships when I say that in most, you have the ability to call in forgiveness for parallel transgressions. For instance, if, say, your husband got into a fender-bender in a parking lot somewhere and came home ranting and raving, wild-eyed and sweaty in rage, then surely when you’re perseverating about the fact that sometimes you need to maybe show a little leg to inspire a true artist, make him think about the platonic ideas of beauty and how they might relate to your face, not promising him anything, you know, not even really suggesting it, just encouraging his talent — anyway, when you’re in the middle of all that and you slam into a pickup truck at full speed, it’s not like your husband can complain, can he? Remember the parking lot incident? All the yelling you did? We’re even now, right?

Slylock Fox, 3/14/22

A question we’ve often speculated about on this blog: What exactly is the relationship between Slylock Fox and the uniformed canine police? Is Slylock the equivalent of a plainclothes detective, or is he a freelancer who happens to be working hand in glove with law enforcement? The fact that Max has to dial 911 to get the cops down here implies the latter, and the fact that he’s doing it only seconds before Slylock unleashes his big ratiocination reveal goes a long way towards explaining why the same criminals Sly repeatedly foils seem to return to their lives of crime so easily.