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Beetle Bailey, 11/10/21

Wow, is it up to me now to be the guardian of Beetle Bailey lore? I guess it is, so here’s my gripe: this is absolutely not a Zero gag. Zero’s gags are about being stupid and being a farm boy. This one might be good for Rocky (anti-authority), Killer (opportunity to dress “sexy” for the ladies), or even Beetle (general slovenliness). On the other hand, if Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC truly thinks only morons would want to have casual Friday in their workplace, that summons up the image of them all coming in to the office to churn out Hi and Lois in suits and ties, which is pretty funny in and of itself.

Mary Worth, 11/10/21

Hmm, I’m going to go ahead and declare Estelle’s choice of TSwift for her response song as “basic.” Could’ve been bolder, but, you know what, it’s appropriate, and with Wilbur you need to be as on the nose and direct as possible, so I’ll allow it.

Family Circus, 11/10/21

This is why you don’t let books with non-biblical worldviews inside the Keane Kompound. Look at that dinosaur’s sexy sneer! No storks are necessary here: that dinosaur definitely fucks.

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Dennis the Menace, 11/9/21

I guess the joke here is supposed to be that Dennis is misinterpreting a traditional bridal party as some sort of harem situation? But in fact since all the women on this TV are wearing different colored dresses, and none of them appear to be the bride, it’s actually pretty reasonable to assume that the Mitchells are watching The Bachelor or a The Bachelor-style reality romance show, which would make Dennis’s question not menacing at all but just a standard commentary on the nature of the TV program. Either way, I don’t appreciate the “Eh? Eh? Sex?” look that Henry is giving us.

Mary Worth, 11/9/21

Oh my God, it’s only Tuesday — it is, I can’t emphasize enough, only Tuesday — and already Wilbur is singing angrily yelling Justin Timberlake’s 2002 hit “Cry Me A River” at Estelle and her date, who appears to have frozen in place, hoping nobody will notice him. Only Tuesday! How will Estelle counter???

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/9/21

“Ah yes, ‘blue skies’ — our old, uncrackable code for all’s clear. Thank goodness for our military background so we can communicate in utter secrecy this way. Now let’s read the next sentence, which — ah. Hmm.”

Dick Tracy, 11/9/21

When your mind finally snaps, what gibberish sentence will you be vacantly pecking out on a typewriter, over and over? I was never sure until today, but now I know it’s going to be “My name is Sam Catchem. I ordered Volume Six of ‘Derby Dugan: The Geebus Years.’” And you know what? I’m at peace with that.

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Mary Worth, 11/8/21

I have to say that there was a point, early in this Wilbur storyline, where I was like, “Ugh, another Wilbur storyline? Really?” And maybe some of you still feel that way, and I respect it. But I have to tell you, at this point I am in, I am 100% invested in every small and large humiliation Wilbur suffers, each more self-inflicted than the last. I mean try, really try, to think of a way to preface an announcement that you’ve spotted your ex and some handsome new love interest that makes you sound more petulant and pathetic than “and look who I spy with my little eye.” It’s impossible. You can’t. But it’s only Monday, so we know this is going to escalate. If Wilbur drops a vicious “Fiddle dee dee!” by the end of the week, I will be not at all surprised.

Slylock Fox, 11/8/21

One thing that today’s mystery makes very clear that I’d never really thought about: Slylock uses his powers of ratiocination and knowledge of animal facts to figure out the who and the what and sometimes the how of various mysteries, but never the why. “Something seems off about this dinosaur skeleton,” he think. “Oh, right, it’s the teeth. Stegosaurs are plant eaters, they didn’t have fangs like this. Welp, off to the next exhibit!” It never occurs to him to question why this government-run museum, in a state ruled by a cat where the laws are enforced by canids, might have an interest in making all of history’s coolest, baddest creatures seem like obvious carnivores. Ideology is truly invisible to those entrusted with enforcing it.

Crock, 11/8/21

“We’re in a comic strip based on Beau Geste, which takes place before World War I, so she’s from the future! Dating her would be incredibly dangerous! What if we alter the timeline and disrupt the fabric of the universe?”